Abandoned in your marriage? 5 ways to cope with separation and desertion


Understanding Desertion and Separation in Marriage

Are you struggling in your marriage? Do you feel like your spouse has abandoned you?

Understanding the difference between desertion and separation could be helpful in navigating your situation. What is desertion in marriage?

Desertion in marriage is defined as the wilful abandonment of a spouse without just cause or reason, and the failure to fulfill the duties and obligations of marriage. It is a legal concept that requires certain criteria to be met, including continuous and uninterrupted absence, lack of consent, and an intent to not return.

It’s important to note that desertion is not the same as separation. Separation occurs when both parties mutually agree to live apart for a period, often with temporary arrangements for childcare and finances.

Separation may even lead to a final divorce, but it is never seen as grounds for legal action in a court of law. How long does desertion last?

For desertion to be recognized legally, it must be continuous and uninterrupted for a set period, generally ranging from one year to three years depending on state laws. During this period, the deserted spouse must maintain evidence of the abandonment and make reasonable efforts to locate their partner.

Signs of Psychological Desertion

Psychological desertion occurs when one partner emotionally and mentally withdraws from the marriage, leading to an absence of physical togetherness and intimacy.

Signs of psychological desertion include:

  • Denial of the problem
  • Self-centeredness and preoccupation with individual needs and desires
  • One-sided conversations

If you are experiencing desertion or separation in your marriage, seeking professional help is critical.

A therapist or counselor can provide guidance on coping strategies, conflict resolution, and communication skills to help you work through your situation. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to relationship issues, but with effort, compromise, and support, you can rebuild a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

Have you ever felt like your spouse has left you in isolation? Have you been living with an absentee partner without any idea of how to fix things?

Understanding the causes of desertion and ways to cope with it may help you deal with the issue more effectively.

Causes of Desertion in Marriage

Desertion happens due to various reasons. Some causes of desertion may include:

  1. Inability to divorce
  2. Constructive desertion
  3. Physical and mental cruelty
  4. Unforeseen financial issues
  5. Infidelity

Inability to Divorce

The inability to divorce occurs when one partner is unable to initiate legal actions to obtain a decree of divorce because of reasons such as residency requirements, lack of financial resources, or because the other partner resists the divorce proceedings.

Constructive Desertion

Constructive desertion happens when one partner persists in such conduct which amounts to a breach of the fundamental marriage obligation or is inconsistent with the marriage relationship.

It typically occurs when one partner makes it intolerable for the other to continue living with them, forcing them to leave the marital home.

Physical and Mental Cruelty

Physical and mental cruelty happens when one partner physically and mentally abuses and hurts the other partner, creating a hostile and destructive environment.

Such behavior is unacceptable in any marriage and must be confronted.

Unforeseen Financial Issues

Unforeseen financial issues can put a tremendous stress on a marriage.

If one partner loses his/her job, falls sick, or faces a financial crisis, it may impact the family’s stability and cause frustration and feelings of helplessness.


Infidelity is another major cause of desertion that can create a severe blow to the emotional connection in a marriage.

The act of cheating can damage the trust that binds a relationship and create a lack of faith and respect in the relationship.

Dealing with Desertion in Marriage

There are various ways one can try to deal with desertion in a marriage. These may include:

  • Self-love
  • Therapy
  • Counseling
  • Legal action
  • Focusing on mental and physical health


Self-love is essential for individuals who are left alone due to desertion. They must engage in self-care activities such as meditation, exercise, or hobbies that help them take care of their mental and physical health.

Self-love helps individuals develop self-esteem and self-worth, which are crucial in healing from the pain of separation.


Therapy can be a helpful tool in healing from the trauma of desertion.

A therapist can provide a supportive environment where individuals can share their feelings without fear of judgment. Therapy helps individuals develop the skills to cope with their emotions and a sense of freedom from the pain of the past.


Counseling sessions with a trained professional can help couples work through their grievances and miscommunications.

A counselor acts as a neutral third party and helps couples gain insight into each other’s perspectives.

Counseling can help build mutual respect, trust and can pave the way for reconciliation if both partners wish to work on their marriage.

Legal Action

Legal action may be necessary if one partner has willfully abandoned their spouse and refuses to return or even go through divorce proceedings.

Legal action could help provide financial support and aid in the division of marital assets.

Focusing on Mental and Physical Health

Focusing on mental and physical health is crucial for individuals who have experienced desertion in their marriage.

Regular exercise, healthy eating, and stress reduction techniques such as meditation and mindfulness can help individuals heal and feel better physically and mentally.

In conclusion, the causes of desertion vary and may range from inability to divorce to infidelity and financial problems.

An individual dealing with desertion must focus on self-love, therapy, counseling, legal action, and working on their mental and physical health to overcome the pain of separation. The most important thing to remember is to seek professional help and support and not suffer in isolation.

In summary, desertion and separation in a marriage are two different legal concepts that have specific criteria to be met. Desertion can be caused by various factors such as the inability to divorce, constructive desertion, physical and mental cruelty, unforeseen financial issues, or infidelity.

Coping mechanisms such as self-love, therapy, counseling, legal action, and focusing on mental and physical health, are crucial to healing from the trauma of separation. Seeking professional help is necessary as it can be the most effective way to resolve marital disputes and move forward.

Remember, no matter the circumstances, your mental, emotional and physical wellbeing should always be a priority.

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