Financial Abuse in Marriage: Signs, Effects, and Escape Plan
Have you ever felt like you are walking on eggshells around your partner when it comes to money matters? Does your partner control and monitor your spending, and even restrict your work?
If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing financial abuse. Financial abuse occurs when one partner uses money to control the other partner.
It can take on many forms, from denying access to marital assets, to giving an allowance, to demanding repayment. The intent of the financially abusive partner is to exert control and domination over the other partner, making them dependent and taking away their self-sufficiency.
Red Flags of Financial Abuse
So, what are the red flags of financial abuse? Here are some signs to look for:
- Denial of access: When your partner refuses to give you access to the marital assets, it is a red flag.
- Intense monitoring of spending: Does your partner watch your every move when it comes to spending? Do they track your purchases and comment on them? This could be a sign of control, and it is a major red flag of financial abuse.
- Anger with spending that benefits the abused one: If your partner gets angry or upset if you spend money on something that benefits only you, like self-care, it is a major red flag. Your partner should be supportive of your well-being, not controlling your every move.
- Giving an allowance: If your partner gives you an allowance instead of allowing you access to the marital funds, it is a major red flag. This is a sign that your partner is controlling your spending, and it takes away your independence and self-sufficiency.
- Demanding repayment: If your partner demands repayment for everything they buy you, it is a red flag. This is a way for your partner to control you and your financial situation.
- Restricting work: If your partner restricts your work and income, leaving you in a dangerous situation, it is a major red flag. This is a sign that your partner is controlling your every move and leaving you dependent on them.
- Double standards: If your partner sets different spending standards for themselves than they do for you, it is a major red flag. This is a sign that your partner is controlling your spending and taking away your independence.
Effects of Financial Abuse
The effects of financial abuse can be corrosive and emotional. It is a silent weapon that can destroy the abused partner’s self-esteem and confidence.
The consequences can last for years, leading to debt, poverty, and even homelessness.
Escape Plan
If you think you are experiencing financial abuse, here’s an escape plan to help you get out of the situation:
- Develop an emergency fund: Start saving money discreetly. Look at your monthly expenses to determine how much you can save every month, and aim to have at least six months of living expenses saved.
- Find an emergency residence: Identify a safe place to go if you ever need to leave suddenly, like a friend’s house or a relative’s.
- Keep important documents: Make copies of important documents like your passport, social security card, and driver’s license, and keep them in a safe place away from your home.
- Involve the police: If you feel unsafe, do not hesitate to call the police. They can help you leave an abusive situation and provide you with a safe place to stay.
- Ask for help: Reach out to a trusted friend, a counselor, or a support group. You do not have to go through this alone.
Conclusion
Financial abuse is a serious issue that can have long-lasting effects. If you find yourself in this situation, recognize the warning signs and take action. You deserve to be in a healthy and supportive partnership where financial decisions are made jointly.
Financial abuse is a complex and destructive issue that can have serious consequences for the abused partner. By being aware of the warning signs, such as denial of access, intense monitoring of spending, and anger with spending that benefits the abused one, individuals can take steps to protect themselves. Developing an escape plan, including an emergency fund, identifying an emergency residence, keeping important documents, involving the police, and asking for help, can help individuals leave an abusive situation and find safety.
It is essential to recognize the importance of financial independence and to seek help and support whenever necessary to ensure one’s well-being. Remember, financial abuse is not acceptable in any relationship, and everyone deserves to be in a healthy and supportive partnership.
