Obsessive Love Disorder: Signs and Causes
Are you head-over-heels for someone and can’t seem to get them off your mind? It’s normal to have feelings for someone, but when it becomes an all-consuming, persistent feeling, it could be an obsession.
In this article, we will explore obsession and obsessive love disorder (OLD) and the signs that you might be obsessed with someone.
What is Obsession?
Obsession is a persistent feeling or idea that dominates a person’s thoughts and actions. It can be a symptom of different mental health illnesses like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety disorders, and bipolar disorder.
What is Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD)?
OLD is a condition where the person affected becomes preoccupied with the person they love to the point of obsession. They become possessive and controlling, which can lead to abusive behavior. It is a type of attachment disorder that develops due to poor family dynamics, trauma, or genetics.
Symptoms of Obsessive Love Disorder
- Feeling overwhelmed by attraction: When you’re obsessed with someone, your attraction to them can be intense and all-consuming.
- Possessive thoughts: You might feel like you own the person you’re obsessed with and experience jealousy when they interact with others.
- Delusional jealousy: You might have irrational thoughts where you believe that the person you’re obsessed with is dating or interested in someone else. This could lead to stalking or obsessive behaviour.
- Monitoring behaviour: If you are always checking the person’s social media accounts, or tend to conveniently bump into them, or find yourself lurking near where they live, this can be a sign of obsession.
- Difficulty maintaining relationships: If you’re always comparing other people to your beloved, or if your obsession is making it difficult for you to move on, this could be a sign of obsessive love disorder.
Causes of Obsession with a Person
- Family Dynamics: If an individual grew up with dysfunctional family dynamics, they may have a hard time forming secure attachments with people and eventually developing an unhealthy obsession.
- Ambivalent Attachment Style: People with an ambivalent attachment style tend to have an obsessive nature because they need constant reassurance and validation from the person they’re obsessing over.
- Mental Health Illnesses: Some mental health illnesses like bipolar disorder, OCD, and borderline personality disorder are prone to developing an unhealthy obsession with someone.
Signs of Obsession in Relationships
1. Incessant Stalking
If you constantly find yourself checking the person’s social media accounts, spy on them using a fake account, or are always sniffing around where they might be, you are cyberstalking and exhibiting obsessive behavior.
2. Befriending the Other Person’s Friends
If you try to infiltrate the other person’s life by becoming friends with their friends, it can be seen as possessive and inappropriate.
3. Disliking Friends of the Opposite Gender
If you are jealous of the other person’s friendships with people of the opposite gender, it’s a sign that you are trying to control who they spend time with.
4. Making the Other Person’s Happiness a Priority
If you prioritize the other person’s happiness over yours, you might be exhibiting a codependent behavior.
5. Need for Constant Validation and Reassurance
If you need constant validation and reassurance from the person you’re obsessed with, it could be a sign of low self-esteem or dependent personality disorder.
6. Disliking Plans with Friends
If you discourage the other person from attending gatherings with their friends or plan everything for them, it’s a sign of possessiveness and control.
7. Surprising the Other Person at Gatherings
If you show up unannounced at events or gatherings because the person you are obsessed with might be there, it’s a sign of obsessive behavior.
8. Constant Communication
If you are always texting or calling the person you’re obsessed with and get upset when they don’t respond right away, this is a sign of need for attention.
9. Expecting Exclusivity Early On
If you rush into a relationship and become possessive of the other person, you’re showing controlling behaviour.
10. Overlooking Upsetting Behaviour
If you tend to overlook or forgive behavior that upsets you because you don’t want to lose the person, you’re exhibiting obsessive behaviour.
11. Always Ready for Last-Minute Plans
If you drop everything to be with the person you’re obsessed with, you might be showing availability or lack of boundaries.
In conclusion, it’s normal to have strong feelings for someone you care about, but it’s important to practice healthy relationships that don’t involve obsession or controlling behaviour. If you find yourself exhibiting some of the above signs, it’s important to seek assistance from a medical professional to determine if you have obsessive love disorder or another mental health illness. Remember, loving someone doesn’t mean owning them.
Dealing with Obsession in Relationships
1. Keeping Insecurities at Bay
One of the main causes of obsessive behavior is insecurity, low self-esteem, and a lack of self-care. When we have negative feelings about ourselves, we tend to cling to a person we’re obsessed with as a source of validation and support.
To deal with these insecurities, it’s important to engage in self-care activities like exercising, eating healthy, practicing mindfulness, and seeking therapy. Self-reflection could also help you recognize and reframe negative thought patterns that impact self-esteem.
2. Seeing Through the Other Person’s Behavior
It’s important to be aware of the signs of possessive and controlling behaviour in a partner or loved one. Identifying these behaviours early on is important so that you can set boundaries and address them before it escalates into obsession.
In a healthy relationship, both parties should be able to have a life outside of their partner without fear of jealousy or possessiveness.
3. Understanding the Importance of Delayed Responses
One of the behaviours that can make someone feel obsessed with another is expecting an immediate response to every text message or call.
It’s important to understand that everyone has a life outside of their relationship and might not always be available to respond immediately. Understanding and respecting each other’s schedules can lead to healthy communication and mutual respect.
4. Balancing Relationships and Other Commitments
It’s important to prioritize your time according to the importance of various commitments in your life. Spending time with loved ones is important, but it’s also important to maintain other commitments, such as work and hobbies.
Effective time management is crucial in balancing these commitments, and it’s important to communicate with your partner about the kinds of activities you both want to engage in.
5. Introspection and Learning
Reflecting on behaviors that might be obsessive is an important practice. It involves introspection and learning about yourself and your tendencies. This process can help you identify obsessive behaviour early on and address it.
If you find yourself struggling to deal with obsessive behaviour, it might be worthwhile to seek therapy. A therapist can help you develop coping mechanisms and learn healthier ways to manage your emotions.
In conclusion, dealing with obsession in relationships is a complex process that requires a lot of self-awareness and effort. It involves being mindful of your thoughts and behaviors, setting boundaries both for yourself and your partner, and engaging in effective communication.
By engaging in self-care activities and seeking therapy, you can gain a better understanding of yourself and develop healthier ways to manage your emotions. Remember, it’s never too late to seek help and take control of your relationship and your life.
Final Thoughts
Obsession in relationships can be a challenging and complex issue. Whether you’re dealing with obsession or looking to support someone who is, it’s important to be mindful of the signs, seek professional help if needed, prioritize self-care and healthy communication, and set healthy boundaries.
By understanding the root causes of obsession and taking steps to address them, you can build healthy and fulfilling relationships. Remember, it’s never too late to take control of your relationships and your life.
Listening to yourself and people around you, regularly assessing your actions, and seeking therapy should alert you to any potential warning signs of obsession and help you seek help early.
