Are You Sabotaging Your Relationships? 5 Unhealthy Behaviors to Avoid

Relationship Advice

Signs of Trying Too Hard

Have you ever found yourself trying too hard in a relationship or dating situation? It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that you’re not good enough for someone, or that you need to prove your worth in order to be accepted.

These limiting beliefs can cause us to put the other person on a pedestal and constantly seek their validation.

1) Belief of Inadequacy

We’ve all heard the phrase “they’re too good for you.” But what does that even mean? It often stems from our own limiting beliefs and feelings of inadequacy.

We believe that the other person is out of our league, and that we need to prove ourselves in order to be with them. The problem with this mindset is that it puts undue pressure on the relationship.

Instead of simply enjoying the other person’s company, we’re constantly worried about whether or not they’re interested in us. We’re also more likely to ignore any red flags or warning signs, simply because we want to be with that person so badly.

2) Messed-Up Beliefs

Our psychological issues and limiting beliefs can also affect how we approach dating and relationships in general. If we believe that relationships are hard or that we’re not worthy of love, we’re likely to sabotage any potential relationships before they even begin.

It’s important to recognize when our beliefs are holding us back and to work on addressing them. This may mean seeking therapy or counseling, or simply taking the time to reflect on our own thoughts and behaviors.

3) Hidden Agendas

In addition to our own internal struggles, we also need to be aware of our hidden agendas when it comes to dating and relationships. Do we have a primary objective that we’re trying to achieve, or are we simply enjoying the interaction and good conversation?

Primary Objective

There’s nothing wrong with having a primary objective when it comes to dating. Maybe you’re looking for a future spouse, or maybe you’re just looking to have fun and meet new people.

However, it’s important to be honest with yourself and with the other person about your intentions. If you’re looking for something serious, but the other person isn’t, it’s better to find that out early on rather than wasting your time and energy.

On the other hand, if you’re just looking to have fun, it’s important to be clear about that as well.

Negative Effects of Hidden Agenda

When we have a hidden agenda, it can often lead to ratcheting up our expectations and putting more pressure on the relationship than is necessary. We may become overly concerned with whether or not the other person is meeting our needs and expectations, instead of simply enjoying their company.

This can lead to feelings of stress and anxiety, as well as a decreased sense of self-worth. We may begin to doubt ourselves and our worthiness of love and affection, simply because we’re not achieving our primary objective.

4) Stalking

Let’s talk about stalking. It may sound creepy to some, but it’s actually a common behavior that many people engage in when they’re interested in someone.

However, it’s important to recognize the negative effects and consequences of stalking when it becomes obsessive and unhealthy.

Online Stalking

One common form of stalking is through social media. It can be tempting to browse through someone’s Facebook feed and analyze their likes and posts.

However, this kind of behavior can quickly turn into an unhealthy obsession. When we over invest our energy into stalking someone, we begin to lose sight of what’s important: building a genuine connection with the person.

Instead, we become fixated on every detail of their life, from the pictures they post to the comments they make.

Negative Effects of Stalking

The negative effects of stalking can be significant. It can lead to an unhealthy obsession with the other person, causing us to spend an unhealthy amount of time and energy thinking about them.

Moreover, there’s always the possibility that our stalking will be discovered, which could cause major problems in the relationship. Rather than develop a healthy relationship with someone, stalking can lead to feelings of uncertainty, fear, and confusion.

5) Keeping Score

Another unhealthy behavior that can crop up in relationships is keeping score. This behavior involves keeping track of every little detail, from text message games to Facebook stalking to body language analysis, in an effort to maintain control and balance in the relationship.

Negative Effects of Keeping Score

The negative effects of keeping score are many. Over-investing in these kinds of behaviors can quickly lead to a decrease in the quality of the connection with the other person.

Rather than focusing on building a genuine connection, we become fixated on maintaining control over the other person and keeping our sense of power. Additionally, when we engage in texting games, Facebook stalking, and body language analysis, we are often missing out on the opportunity to truly connect with the other person.

We get lost in the details, rather than focusing on the overall improvement of the relationship.

Importance of Quality of Connection

At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that relationships thrive on a strong connection between two people. Rather than obsessing over the details and engaging in controlling behaviors, we need to focus on improving the connection with our partner.

This means addressing the underlying issues that are causing us to engage in unhealthy behaviors, such as stalking and keeping score. It means actively working on improving communication and building a healthy foundation for the relationship to grow.

In conclusion, stalking and keeping score are just two examples of unhealthy behaviors that can undermine the foundation of a relationship. Rather than obsessing over the details and trying to maintain control at all costs, we need to focus on building a genuine connection with the other person.

By addressing these underlying issues and working to improve the quality of the connection, we can build a healthy and lasting relationship that stands the test of time.


In conclusion, it’s important to recognize when we’re engaging in unhealthy behaviors in our relationships, such as trying too hard, stalking, and keeping score.

By admitting these behaviors, we can start to make positive changes and improve the quality of our connections with others.

Benefits of Admitting Trying Too Hard

One of the benefits of admitting that we’re trying too hard is that it helps us to feel normal and validated. Knowing that others experience similar struggles can help us to feel less alone and more connected.

Additionally, admitting that we’re trying too hard can help us to overcome our fear of judgment. It can be scary to admit that we’re not perfect and that we have flaws, but by doing so, we allow ourselves to grow and improve.

It’s important to remember that we’re all human and we all make mistakes. Rather than trying to be perfect, we should focus on building genuine connections with others, based on trust, honesty, and mutual respect.

In the end, it’s these connections that give our lives meaning and purpose. Rather than obsessing over every little detail and trying to control everything, we should take a step back and focus on what really matters: building healthy and lasting relationships with people we care about.

By recognizing and addressing our unhealthy behaviors, we can break free from the cycle of trying too hard and build the kinds of relationships that truly fulfill us and bring us joy and happiness. It may take time and effort, but the rewards are well worth it in the end.

In conclusion, recognizing and addressing unhealthy behaviors in our relationships is essential to building healthy and lasting connections with others. From trying too hard to stalking and keeping score, these behaviors can undermine the foundation of our relationships and prevent us from experiencing the true joy and fulfillment that comes with genuine human connection.

However, by addressing these underlying issues and working to improve the quality of our relationships, we can break free from these cycles of behavior and build true, meaningful connections with the people we care about. The key is to focus on what really matters and prioritize our connections over the details, allowing us to experience the love and connection we all deserve.

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