The Mating Grounds

Are You the Backup Boyfriend? 10 Signs to Look Out For

Understanding Hypergamy

Hey there! Have you ever heard the term “hypergamy”? It’s a buzzword in the dating world that refers to a woman’s tendency to pursue a mate who is of higher social standing or income than she is.

Don’t worry, it’s not as superficial or gold-digging as it may seem. Let’s break it down.

Hypergamy and feminine options

First of all, it’s important to understand that hypergamy is not just restricted to women. Men can also exhibit this behavior.

However, it’s typically more prevalent in women because our society has historically placed a greater emphasis on a man’s wealth and social status. Women have more options than ever before when it comes to choosing a mate.

We are more educated, financially independent, and empowered than we were in previous generations. As a result, we are less likely to settle for a partner who doesn’t meet our standards or who can’t enhance our lives in some way.

But here’s the thing: just because we have options doesn’t mean we’re all hypergamous. It’s important to be realistic and develop skills to attract and maintain healthy relationships.

Importance of being realistic and developing skills

Being realistic means having a clear idea of what you want in a partner and being open to compromising on things that aren’t deal-breakers. It also means recognizing that nobody is perfect, and that every relationship requires effort, communication, and compromise.

Developing skills means honing your communication, social, and emotional intelligence. These are the qualities that make you attractive to potential partners and help you navigate the ups and downs of a relationship.

Some people might argue that hypergamy is a negative trait because it implies that women are only interested in money and status. However, I believe that hypergamy can actually be a good thing if it motivates women to seek partners who are ambitious, driven, and compatible with their values.

The importance of having “the talk”

Of course, there comes a point in a relationship where you need to decide whether you want to be exclusive with your partner. This is where “the talk” comes in.

Communication is key when it comes to defining the parameters of your relationship. It’s important to be clear and honest with your partner about what you want and expect.

Don’t assume that your partner knows what’s going on inside your head. On the flip side, if you’re not sure where you stand with your partner, don’t be afraid to bring it up.

It’s better to have an awkward conversation than to waste your time and emotions on someone who isn’t fully committed to you. Signs You’re the Backup Boyfriend

Now, let’s switch gears and talk about a different aspect of relationships: being the backup boyfriend.

Nobody wants to be in this position, but unfortunately, it’s all too common. Here are some signs that you might be the backup boyfriend.

Distracted partner

If your partner seems distracted or distant, it could be a sign that she’s not fully invested in the relationship. Of course, there could be other reasons for this behavior, such as stress at work or family issues.

However, if the distraction persists over a long period of time and your partner seems emotionally detached, it’s worth having a conversation about where your relationship is headed.

Following your intuition

Sometimes, your gut instinct can tell you more than words ever could. If you have a nagging feeling that something is off in your relationship, pay attention to it.

Don’t ignore your intuition just because you don’t have concrete evidence of infidelity or dishonesty. Partner’s availability on weekends

If your partner always seems to be busy on weekends, it’s possible that she’s spending time with someone else.

Of course, there could be other reasons for this, such as work commitments or family obligations. However, if your partner consistently prioritizes other people over you, it’s a red flag.

Partner posting pictures with another guy

Social media can be a great way to connect with friends and family, but it can also be a source of drama in relationships. If your partner is posting pictures with another guy on social media or dating sites, it’s worth talking about why she’s doing this.

If she gets defensive or tries to hide something, that’s not a good sign.

Constantly wondering if partner is cheating

If you’re constantly wondering if your partner is cheating, that’s a sign that there’s a lack of trust in your relationship. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and if it’s not there, it’s hard to build a lasting connection.

Emotional stimulation and investment in the relationship

A healthy relationship involves emotional investment from both parties. If your partner seems emotionally distant or uninterested in what’s going on in your life, it’s a sign that she may not be invested in the relationship.

Tests and challenges in the relationship

No relationship is perfect, and there are bound to be challenges and tests along the way. However, if your partner seems to be testing you or creating unnecessary drama, it could be a sign that she’s not fully committed to the relationship.

Suspicious behavior with phones

If your partner is secretive about her phone, that’s a red flag. It’s normal to have some level of privacy in a relationship, but if your partner is hiding something from you or seems to be exchanging frequent texts or calls with someone else, it’s worth having a conversation about it.

Behaviors versus words

Pay attention to your partner’s actions, not just her words. If she’s telling you that she loves you but her actions suggest otherwise, that’s a sign that something isn’t right.

Partner’s friends acting strange

If your partner’s friends seem guilty or awkward around you, it could be a sign that they know something you don’t. Of course, this isn’t always the case, but it’s worth paying attention to the dynamics between your partner and her social circle.


In conclusion, whether you’re dealing with hypergamy or being the backup boyfriend, it’s important to be aware of the signs and take action if necessary. Remember that healthy relationships involve communication, trust, and emotional investment from both parties.

Don’t settle for a partner who doesn’t meet your standards or treat you with the respect you deserve. Keep these tips in mind, and you’ll be well on your way to finding a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship.

In conclusion, this article has explored the concept of hypergamy and how it relates to feminine options, the importance of being realistic and developing skills, and the significance of having “the talk” in a relationship. We’ve also discussed signs that you may be the backup boyfriend, such as a distracted partner, emotional detachment, and suspicious behavior with phones.

By being aware of these signs and taking action if necessary, we can create healthy, fulfilling relationships that are built on communication, trust, and emotional investment. Remember that you deserve a partner who prioritizes you and treats you with the respect you deserve.

By keeping these tips in mind, you can navigate the complexities of dating and find the relationship you’ve always wanted.

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