Toxic Behavior: Recognizing and Changing
Hey there!
Have you ever heard the phrase “toxic positivity”? It’s when someone tries to brush everything under the rug and pretend everything is just peachy, even when it’s not.
But what about toxicity in general? It’s a term that’s thrown around a lot these days, but what does it really mean to be “toxic”?
First things first, let’s define it. Toxic behaviors or people are those that exude poisonous energy that can harm us mentally, emotionally, or physically.
It can come in the form of negativity, manipulation, and narcissism, just to name a few. So how do you know if you’re toxic or if someone in your life is?
Traits of Toxic People
Let’s dive into some traits of toxic people.
- Manipulative. If someone in your life is constantly trying to control you or the situation, and makes you feel guilty when you don’t comply with their wishes, that person is manipulative. They may use emotional blackmail like threatening to end the relationship or friendship if you don’t do what they say.
- Narcissistic. Narcissists only care about themselves, and will do anything to maintain their ego. They believe they are better than everyone else and often exhibit an inflated sense of self-importance.
- Victimhood. This is when someone always plays the victim, making you feel sympathetic to their plight. They’ll often blame others for their own misfortunes or take credit for things they didn’t do.
- Perfectionist. Perfectionists are those who have unrealistic expectations for themselves and others. They may be controlling and critical of every detail, making others feel inadequate or like they’re never doing enough.
Now, it’s easy to point out toxic traits in others, but what about ourselves?
It’s important to do some self-reflection and see if we exhibit any of these traits ourselves. Here are some things to consider:
- Self-awareness. Are you aware of your own behavior and how it affects others?
- Responsibility. Do you take responsibility for your actions and apologize when you’ve hurt someone?
- Past. Are there past experiences that have shaped your behavior, and are you working to change them?
- Feelings. Are you aware of your own emotions and do you try to process them in a healthy way?
- Behavior. Are you exhibiting any of the toxic traits we’ve talked about, and if so, are you working to change them?
Now that we’ve gone over the traits of toxic people and some things to consider in terms of our own behavior, let’s look at some signs that you may be toxic yourself.
Signs You May Be Toxic
- People avoid you. If people seem to be avoiding you or making excuses not to spend time with you, it could be a sign that you are toxic. This could be because you make snide remarks, judge others, or exude negative energy.
- You shut down criticism. If you can’t handle even the slightest bit of criticism and always get defensive, it could be a sign that you’re toxic. This could also manifest as being overly sensitive to what others say or do.
- You’re defensive. If you’re always deflecting blame and never taking responsibility, it could be a sign that you’re toxic. This could also manifest as overreacting to small things or not accepting any sort of feedback.
- You consider yourself honest. While honesty is important, if you find yourself judging or shaming others for their choices or actions, it could be a sign that you’re toxic. This could also manifest as overreacting to the truth, even if it’s not a big deal.
- You don’t hear good news right away. If you tend to focus on the negative and make everything about yourself, it could be a sign that you’re toxic. This could also manifest as not being genuinely happy for others’ successes.
- You experience a lot of drama. If you tend to incite drama or blame others for your problems, it could be a sign that you’re toxic. This could also manifest as constantly changing your mind or expectations, making it difficult for others to keep up.
- It’s always about you. If you interrupt others, talk over them, or make everything about yourself, it could be a sign that you’re toxic. This could also manifest as a need for attention, even at the expense of others.
- You’re not kind unless it benefits you. If you only show kindness to others when it benefits you or use people for your own gain, it could be a sign that you’re toxic. This could also manifest as ignoring service workers or treating others poorly.
- You guilt people. If you manipulate others with guilt or emotional control, it could be a sign that you’re toxic. This could also manifest as a need for constant attention or reassurance.
- You don’t apologize. If you can’t admit when you’re wrong or take accountability for your actions, it could be a sign that you’re toxic. This could also manifest as justifying your behavior or making excuses.
- You never take accountability. If you’re unwilling to change your behavior or accept that you’ve made mistakes, it could be a sign that you’re toxic. This could also manifest as blaming others for your problems or not admitting when you need help.
- You’re needy. If you require constant attention or validation from others to feel good about yourself, it could be a sign that you’re toxic. This could also manifest as codependency or clinging to people to avoid being alone.
- You’re always the victim. If you’re always trying to outdo others or one-up their problems, it could be a sign that you’re toxic. This could also manifest as attention-seeking behavior or always wanting to be the center of attention.
- You lie. If you tend to lie, even about small things, to get attention or manipulate situations, it could be a sign that you’re toxic. This could also manifest as harming others by spreading rumors or gossip.
- You trash talk. If you enjoy spreading rumors or bringing others down, it could be a sign that you’re toxic. This could also manifest as constantly criticizing or tearing people down.
- You’re negative. If you drain the positivity out of every situation or lack enthusiasm for things, it could be a sign that you’re toxic. This could also manifest as being a downer or constantly complaining about things.
Now, while it’s important to be aware of these toxic traits, it’s also important to remember that no one is perfect. We all exhibit some of these behaviors from time to time, but what’s important is that we recognize when we do and actively work to change them.
So, whether you’re dealing with a toxic person in your life or taking a hard look at yourself, it’s important to remember that toxic behavior can be harmful to ourselves and those around us. But with self-awareness and a willingness to change, we can work towards being the best version of ourselves.
Admitting Toxic Behaviors
Admitting to toxic behaviors can be difficult, but it’s important to acknowledge the impact your actions have on yourself and others. Start by acknowledging the concerns of friends and family, and take their feedback seriously.
Listen to their observations and try to see things from their perspective. It’s not easy to hear criticism, but it’s important to realize that there may be some truth to what they’re saying.
Making Changes
Once you’ve acknowledged your toxic behaviors, it’s time to make changes. This requires proactivity on your part.
It’s important to take ownership of your actions and show that you’re committed to making changes. Apologizing for past behavior is a good start, and it shows that you’re willing to take responsibility for your actions.
But it’s not enough to just say you’re sorry. You need to actively work towards change.
Ask for help if needed. It’s okay to admit that you can’t make changes alone.
Seeking guidance, therapy, or even just talking to a trusted friend or mentor can help you gain new perspectives and develop strategies for improving your behavior. Incorporating exercise or meditation into your routine can also help manage stress and promote a healthier mindset.
Seeking Assistance
Sometimes negative behavior can be deeply ingrained, and it takes more than just acknowledging it and making changes to break the cycle. Seeking professional assistance can be incredibly helpful in fostering healthier patterns of behavior.
Therapy can be a safe space to explore underlying causes of toxic behavior and develop strategies for coping with stressors in a more positive way. It can also be a useful tool for understanding how past experiences have shaped your behavior and learning new tools for communicating effectively with others.
For some, group discussion sessions may also be a helpful resource. Discussing your issues with others who may share similar experiences can help alleviate feelings of isolation and provide motivation to make changes.
Conclusion
Changing toxic behaviors isn’t easy, but it’s necessary for a healthier, happier life. It’s important to be kind to yourself as you work towards making changes.
Recognize that it’s a process, and change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes commitment, accountability, and a genuine desire to be better.
Remember, every step forward, no matter how small, is a step in the right direction. In conclusion, toxic behavior is harmful to ourselves and those around us.
Whether we’re dealing with toxic people in our lives or recognizing toxic traits in ourselves, it’s important to take responsibility for our actions and work towards positive change. By acknowledging our behaviors, making changes, and seeking assistance when needed, we can break the cycle of toxicity and foster healthier relationships with ourselves and others.
Improving our behavior takes time and effort, but the end result is worth it for a happier, healthier life. So, let’s continue to work on ourselves and make the world a less toxic place.
