Controlling Behavior in Relationships: Signs, Causes, and Differences from Abuse
Are you in a relationship where you feel like your partner exerts too much control over you? Maybe they always want to know where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing.
Or perhaps you find yourself walking on eggshells around them because of their constant criticism. If any of this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing controlling behavior in your relationship.
In this article, we’ll discuss what controlling behavior is, its causes, and its differences from abuse so that you can identify the signs and take steps to protect yourself from its negative effects.
Understanding Controlling Behavior
Controlling behavior can be defined as the use of power and influence to intimidate, manipulate, or exert control over another person. It can take many forms, such as verbal abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, or stalking, and can cause significant harm to the victim’s mental and physical wellbeing.
Some reasons why people engage in controlling behavior include low self-esteem, traumatic experiences, anxiety, and coping mechanisms. What sets controlling behavior apart from abuse is that it does not always involve physical violence.
Instead, it often revolves around power and control dynamics between the parties. Although there may be elements of emotional or verbal abuse present, such behavior does not always escalate to physical violence.
It’s important to note that while controlling behavior may not always be violent, it can still be abusive and harmful to the victim.
Signs of Being Controlled in a Relationship
It’s not always easy to identify controlling behavior in a relationship, especially when it’s happening subtly. Here are some signs that you may be experiencing controlling behavior:
Difficulty in Identifying Controlling Behavior
One of the biggest challenges with identifying controlling behavior is that it may be happening subconsciously. The person exerting control may not even be aware of their behavior, or they may believe that they are acting in your best interest.
As a result, it can be challenging to spot what is happening and know when to take action.
Emotional Impact of Being Controlled
Being subjected to controlling behavior can have a significant emotional impact on you. You may feel embarrassed, humiliated, or anxious about expressing your opinion or doing something that your partner disagrees with.
These feelings can then impact your self-esteem, leading you to question yourself constantly.
Examples of Controlling Behavior
There are many different forms of controlling behavior, all of which revolve around the power dynamics between the parties. Here are some examples:
- Blaming: Making you feel responsible for things that aren’t your fault, or shifting the blame onto you.
- Silent Treatment: Refusing to speak to you for an extended period, as a means of exerting power and control.
- Interrupting: Cutting you off when you’re speaking, so that your partner can dominate the conversation and control its direction.
- Constant Criticism: Repeatedly pointing out perceived flaws or shortcomings, as a means of keeping you in a position of inferiority.
- Manipulation: Using guilt or emotional pressure to get you to do what they want, even if it’s not in your best interest.
- Intimidation: Using physical or emotional aggression to make you feel afraid or to exert control over you.
- Changing Identity: Trying to change your personality or interests to match that of your partner, as a means of exerting control.
- Abuse: Using physical violence, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, financial abuse, or stalking to control your behavior.
Protecting Yourself from Controlling Behavior
If you feel like you’re experiencing controlling behavior in your relationship, here are some steps you can take to protect yourself:
- Talk to your partner: Explain how you’re feeling and the specific behaviors that are causing you distress. Sometimes, people aren’t aware of the impact their behavior is having, and they may be open to change.
- Set Boundaries: Decide what you’re willing to tolerate and what is non-negotiable. Make your boundaries clear to your partner, and stick to them.
- Seek Support: Talk to friends or family members that you trust, or seek professional help if you need it.
Conclusion
Being in a controlling relationship can be challenging, but understanding the signs and the differences between controlling behavior and abuse can help you take steps to protect yourself. If you’re feeling controlled, it’s important to talk to your partner, set boundaries, and seek support.
Remember, you don’t have to put up with controlling behavior, and there is always help available.
Coping with Controlling Partners: Ways to Protect Yourself and Your Well-Being
Being in a relationship with a controlling partner can be emotionally draining, damaging, and confusing.
You may feel trapped, helpless, and question your own worth. If you feel trapped with a controlling partner, it is essential to keep yourself emotionally safe and protected.
In this article, we will discuss effective strategies to cope with controlling partners, which can also improve your overall emotional and psychological well-being.
Mindfulness of Signs
The first step in coping with a controlling partner is being mindful of the signs of controlling behavior. It is crucial to recognize and differentiate controlling behaviors from good intentions as early as possible.
You do not have to wait for the worst scenario to unfold before realizing that your partner is too controlling or manipulative. Being aware and vigilant of these behaviors can help you set boundaries and keep yourself safe.
You can keep a journal, for instance, to record when your partner’s behaviors cross your boundaries. Use the journal to notice and differentiate the controlling behaviors and your partner’s well-intentioned actions.
Ending Enabling Behavior
Enabling behavior is different from compliance. It happens when you allow your partner’s controlling behavior to go unchecked, making them feel more powerful and secure in their control over you.
When you become aware that you are enabling the control, it is necessary to take action. Make a conscious decision to take control and establish a decision-making process that prioritizes your well-being and security over their power and subjective control.
If necessary, keep the control as a secret from your partner, and make decisions that protect your agency and well-being.
Building a Support System
When dealing with a controlling partner, a supportive community can make all the difference. Whether it be online support groups, family, or friends, a supportive environment can provide you with assurance, security, and validation as you deal with your partner’s behaviors.
When seeking support, it is recommended that you seek help from trained professionals such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline, legal-aid services, shelters, or safe havens.
Creating Boundaries
Setting boundaries enables you to protect yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically. Remember that setting boundaries is not only about keeping your partner in line but also keeping yourself and your identity intact.
When setting boundaries, focus on your personal space and how you would like to be treated. Respect your choices and avoid giving in to your partner’s manipulation.
Remember that setting boundaries is more about preserving your self-respect and discipline rather than establishing a defensive measure against your partner.
Communicating Boundaries to Your Partner
Communicating your boundaries to your partner can be challenging, and you may be afraid of your partner’s reaction. However, it is crucial to set boundaries and communicate them assertively and honestly.
Be open and let them know what your boundaries are. It would help if you also had a solid support system in place to help you through the process and keep you protected.
Taking Time to Process
Dealing with a controlling partner can be overwhelming and stressful. As such, it is necessary to take time for yourself and create time to process your thoughts and emotions.
This can be done through therapy or by taking a break from the relationship. Taking time to process your thoughts and emotions can provide you with the clarity and perspective that you need to make sound decisions.
Remember to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to process your emotions at your own pace.
Making Yourself a Priority
Finally, it is crucial to make yourself a priority. It is easy to lose yourself in a controlling relationship as your partner’s needs always appear to come first.
However, it would be best if you made time for self-care activities that bring you joy, whether it is prioritizing sleep, spending time outdoors, enjoying your hobbies, or spending time with friends. Making yourself a priority in your life helps to establish an identity independent of your partner, promotes self-esteem, and can be a tool in building resilience.
Conclusion
In conclusion, dealing with a controlling partner can seem challenging and overwhelming. However, taking action and using the strategies above can help protect yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically, and improve your overall well-being.
Remember that you deserve to be respected and treated with dignity, and there is always support available to help you when it is needed. Controlling behavior can take a toll on anyone in a relationship, and it is important to recognize the signs and take appropriate steps to protect your emotional, mental, and physical well-being.
In this article, we’ve discussed the definition of controlling behavior, the reasons behind it, the differences between controlling behavior and abuse, and effective ways to cope with controlling partners, including setting boundaries, building a support system, and making yourself a priority. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and by taking action to protect yourself, you can find freedom from the negative impacts of controlling behavior.
