Before You Say ‘I Do’: 21 Essential Questions to Ask Before Marriage


Preparing for Marriage: The Importance of Asking Questions

Getting married is a huge milestone in our lives, but let’s be real – it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. According to the American Psychological Association, the divorce rate in the United States is around 40-50%.

But don’t let this statistic scare you! The key to a successful marriage is asking the right questions before you tie the knot. Communication is key when it comes to marriage.

It’s essential to have open and honest discussions with your partner about your expectations, values, and goals for the future. But how do you know what questions to ask?

Tips for Asking the Right Questions Before Marriage

  1. Plan ahead.

    Before you sit down with your partner, make a list of questions you want to ask. This way, you won’t forget anything important.

  2. Find a quiet setting.

    Choose a comfortable and private location where you can have an uninterrupted conversation.

  3. Maintain a positive mindset.

    It’s essential to approach these conversations with an open and positive attitude. Don’t make your partner feel like they’re being interrogated.

  4. Consider counseling.

    If you’re struggling to have these conversations, consider seeing a therapist or counselor together. They can provide guidance and help facilitate a productive dialogue.

Questions to Ask Before Marriage


Money is a large source of conflict in marriages, so it’s best to address this issue early on.

  • What is your current financial situation?
  • How much debt do you have, and are you willing to disclose this?
  • How do you plan to manage your finances together?
  • Will you have separate or joint bank accounts?
  • How do you plan to handle major purchases or financial emergencies?


If you’re planning on having children, it’s essential to discuss your expectations and plans for parenting.

  • Do you want children, and if so, how many?
  • What are your thoughts on discipline and parenting styles?
  • Are there any parenting values or traditions that are important to you?
  • How do you plan to balance your career and family life?


Good communication is a critical component of a successful marriage. It’s important to discuss your communication styles and how you will handle conflicts.

  • How do you prefer to communicate?
  • How do you handle conflicts or disagreements?
  • What are your expectations when it comes to spending time together?
  • How often do you want to go on date nights or vacations together?


Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but it’s important to establish healthy ways to resolve it.

  • How do you typically handle conflicts?
  • How do you feel about compromise?
  • What are your boundaries when it comes to arguing?
  • How will you approach conflicts with your partner’s family?

Remember, asking these questions doesn’t guarantee a perfect marriage – it’s just a starting point. You’ll learn more about your partner as you go through life together, and it’s important to keep the lines of communication open throughout your marriage.

In summary, marriage is a beautiful journey, but it requires work and communication. Asking the right questions before tying the knot can help establish a strong foundation for your marriage, and ultimately, lead to a successful and fulfilling life together. So, what are you waiting for? Start asking those questions!

Questions to Ask About Children

Becoming parents is a significant decision and requires extensive planning and consideration. Discussing topics such as expectations, obligations, and parenting styles can help prepare for the arrival of a new baby.

Crucial Questions to Ask When Thinking About Having Children

Desire for Children

Parenthood is a personal choice and responsibility. It’s essential to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner about becoming parents.

  • What are your feelings about having children?
  • How do you envision your life with children?
  • How does having children affect your personal goals and your commitment to the partnership?
  • How important is the idea of starting a family?

Work and Childcare

With the added responsibility of parenting, couples may have to make adjustments to their working schedule. In addition, couples face challenges around managing child care responsibilities.

  • What is the best way to manage work and childcare?
  • Do we want to have one partner stay home with the children? If so, which partner?
  • Will both partners continue to work full-time? If so, who will be responsible for childcare?
  • How will we pay for child-care services?

Timing of Having Children

It’s important to have an open discussion among couples about the best time to start a family. Waiting too long or starting too soon could have negative consequences.

  • When do we want to start a family?
  • What are our career goals, and how will starting a family affect them?
  • How long do we want to wait before starting a family?
  • Are we willing to undergo testing to make sure we can conceive?
  • Is there a certain bond you want to test before you have children?

Adoption and Fertility Treatments

When couples experience difficulty conceiving a child, they may consider adopting or seeking fertility treatments. These options have some challenges.

  • What are our feelings about adoption or fertility treatments?
  • Are we willing to undergo the costs associated with fertility treatments?
  • What is the age range of the child we’d like to adopt?
  • Are we comfortable with a local or foreign adoption?

Religious Upbringing

How you plan to raise your child and their spiritual beliefs are important. It’s important to share your thoughts and beliefs with your partner about religious upbringing.

  • What spiritual beliefs are important to us?
  • Do we want our child to attend church or a school affiliated with our religion?
  • How important is it to follow religious traditions?
  • Will we baptize our child?

Disciplinary Measures

Parenting styles vary by couples. It’s essential to share your thoughts and discuss your approach to parenting.

  • Will we have strict or laid-back parenting styles?
  • What are our perspectives and established rules around sleeping habits and eating schedules?
  • Do we believe spanking is an effective form of discipline?
  • How will we set boundaries and consequences?

Saving for Children’s Future

Preparing financially for a child is vital because children can be expensive.

  • What is the best way to save for our children’s education?
  • Are we willing to pay for extracurricular activities?
  • How can we financially support our child?

Questions to Ask About Communication and Conflict

Good communication and conflict resolution are critical to a successful marriage. Lack of communication or the inability to resolve conflicts can be detrimental to a relationship.

Key Questions to Ask About Communication and Conflict Resolution

Dealing with Disagreements and Arguments

Disagreements and arguments are inevitable in any relationship. It’s important to develop healthy ways to resolve conflicts.

  • How do we typically handle disagreements and arguments?
  • How can we resolve disputes without becoming angry?
  • Would we agree to sleep on the issue before trying to resolve it?
  • How can we foster open communication?

Communication in the Bedroom

The level of intimacy in a marriage can vary. It’s important to have open communication about your sexual preferences and boundaries.

  • What are your thoughts on sexual frequency?
  • What are your sexual boundaries?
  • Do you have sexual preferences?
  • How do we handle intimacy issues?

Relationship Discussions

Maintaining a healthy relationship requires ongoing communication about the partnership.

  • How often should we discuss our relationship?
  • What are our goals for the relationship?
  • What is required to maintain intimacy?
  • How do we stay committed to each other?

Behavior Change Requests

As couples, we grow and change over time, and some bad habits might develop. It’s essential to have an open dialogue about behavior change requests.

  • What are your bad habits?
  • How do these habits impact our relationship?
  • Are you willing to compromise?
  • How can we work together to create healthy habits?

Improving Lifestyle Changes

In marriage, both partners may need to make compromises to accommodate each other’s lifestyle.

  • Are you willing to change aspects of your lifestyle for your partner?
  • How can we work together to create a healthier lifestyle?
  • What compromises are necessary?
  • How can we foster unity in the marriage?

Handling Rough Patches

Marriage can be challenging at times. It’s important to know when to seek outside help when necessary.

  • How can we address our problems directly?
  • Are we willing to seek outside help such as counseling?
  • How can we limit negativity in the marriage?

Jealousy and Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are critical to every relationship. It’s essential to discuss them.

  • What are healthy boundaries?
  • Can we hang out with friends of the opposite sex?
  • What are your thoughts on flirtatious behavior?
  • What are our boundaries when it comes to communication with ex-partners?


In closing, asking questions about topics such as communication, finances, children, and conflict resolution is a vital part of a successful marriage. Taking deliberate steps towards improving and strengthening your relationship starts with knowing where to focus your attention.

By having regular conversations about these topics, you and your partner can foster a healthy, long-lasting relationship. Remember, strong relationships require constant effort, patience, and communication.

In conclusion, the importance of asking questions before marriage, about finances, children, communication, and conflict resolution cannot be overstated. These topics are crucial to building a healthy, long-lasting, and fulfilling marriage.

By exploring these topics together, asking critical questions, and establishing open and honest communication, couples can navigate the challenges of marriage with greater ease. With patience, compromise, and a willingness to work together, couples can create a strong foundation for a successful marriage and lifelong partnership.

So, start asking those questions and building a bright future together!

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