Casual Sexism on Dates: Let’s Talk About It
Hey there! Do you feel like you’ve experienced casual sexism on a date before? Maybe you’ve felt a guy ordering for you, or being talked down to about something you’re knowledgeable about.
Whatever it is, know that you’re not alone. Casual sexism happens more often than we’d like to admit, especially on first dates.
Let’s take a closer look at what it is, how it manifests, and what we can do about it.
Benevolent Sexism: The Patriarchy Sneaks In
Have you ever heard of the term “benevolent sexism?” It’s a harmful sexist belief where someone believes they are helping or protecting the opposite gender, but in reality, they are just reinforcing traditional gender roles.
For example, a guy who thinks he needs to be the provider and pay for everything on a first date is exhibiting benevolent sexism. While it may seem like chivalry, it’s just perpetuating the idea that men need to be the breadwinners and women should be taken care of.
Examples of Casual Sexism: Watch Out For These
Now that we know what benevolent sexism is, what are some examples of casual sexism on a date?
- The “Equalist”: This is the person who believes that gender should be erased entirely and everyone should be treated equally. As nice as this sounds, it can sometimes come off as disingenuous, especially when it’s used to justify not paying for dinner.
- The “Friendzone”: This is when a guy complains about being stuck in the friendzone, implying that any woman he’s friends with owes him something romantic. It’s a toxic mindset that can lead to entitlement and disrespect.
- Sexually Explicit Messages: Sending overly sexual messages or making crude jokes on a first date can make any person feel uncomfortable and objectified.
Manifestations of Casual Sexism: Could You Be Guilty?
Sometimes, casual sexism can be subconscious, and we don’t even know we’re doing it. Here are some common manifestations:
- Mansplaining: When a man assumes he knows more about a subject than a woman, even if she’s the expert. It’s patronizing and condescending, and can make a woman feel like her knowledge isn’t valued.
- Ordering for a Woman: When a man orders for a woman at a restaurant, assuming he knows what she wants to eat. It’s a small act, but it reinforces the idea that women can’t make their own decisions. We need to be aware of our actions and make sure we’re not perpetuating harmful patriarchal norms.
Mansplaining: Just Stop, Please
Let’s focus a bit more on mansplaining. Have you ever experienced this before?
Maybe you were at the gym, doing an exercise, and a guy comes up and tells you you’re doing it wrong, even though you know what you’re doing. Or maybe you were watching a sports game, and a guy assumes you don’t understand the offside rule and explains it to you like you’re a child.
It’s infuriating, but it’s so normalized in our society that we hardly give it a second thought. Mansplaining is rooted in the assumption that men are always the experts, and women need to be educated by them.
It’s condescending and disrespectful, and we need to call it out whenever we see it.
What Can We Do About Casual Sexism?
Now that we know what casual sexism is and how it manifests, what can we do about it?
- Call it Out: When your date exhibits casual sexism, call out their behavior. For example, if a guy orders for you at a restaurant, you can say, “Actually, I’ll order for myself, thanks.” It’s a small act, but it shows that you won’t tolerate being treated like you can’t make your own choices.
- Educate Yourself and Others: Educate yourself and others about casual sexism and how harmful it can be. The more we know, the more we can recognize it and work towards eradicating it.
- Lead by Example: Make sure your actions aren’t perpetuating patriarchal norms. If we want a more equal society, we need to start with ourselves.
In conclusion, casual sexism is unfortunately very common on dates, but that doesn’t mean we should accept it.
By being aware of what it is and how it manifests, we can make sure we’re not perpetuating harmful patriarchal norms. Whether it’s calling it out when we see it or leading by example, we can all do our part in creating a more equal society.
Ordering for the Woman: Disrespectful and Arrogant
Have you ever been on a date where the guy ordered for you without even asking what you wanted? This is a classic example of casual sexism and disrespect.
Ordering for the woman assumes that she can’t make her own decisions, that she’s indecisive, or worse, that she’s a damsel in distress that needs saving. It’s arrogant, presumptuous, and can make a woman feel like her choices don’t matter.
Examples of Ordering for the Woman: When Indecisiveness Becomes Sexist
Ordering for the woman can take many different forms, and not all of them are intentional. Sometimes, it can be done out of indecisiveness or a desire to take control of the situation.
However, this doesn’t negate the fact that it’s disrespectful and can make the woman feel like she’s not being listened to.
- Not Knowing What She Likes: A guy might order for the woman at a restaurant because he’s not sure what she likes. While this may seem helpful at first, it reinforces the idea that the woman can’t make her own decisions.
- Trying to Impress: It can also come from the pressure of trying to impress a woman on a first date. In an effort to come off as confident and decisive, a guy may order for the woman without even thinking about it.
This is why awareness is key. It’s important to recognize these actions and call them out when they happen.
Who Pays?
The Endless Debate
Another topic that often comes up on a first date is who pays for the bill. This is another aspect of dating that can be rooted in casual sexism.
Traditionally, men were expected to pay for everything on a date, including dinner, drinks, and entertainment. While some people still adhere to this belief, others believe in splitting the bill or taking turns paying.
There’s no right or wrong answer when it comes to who pays on a first date, but it’s important to have consent from both parties and to not be too rigid in your beliefs.
Examples of Who Pays?
Breaking Down Traditional Conditioning
The question of who pays on a first date can be tricky to navigate, especially if you’re conditioned to believe that the man should always pay. Some people may feel uncomfortable with the idea of splitting the bill or letting the woman pay.
It’s important to recognize these beliefs and work to break them down. Financial care should be a mutual decision, not a responsibility placed solely on one person.
It’s also important to communicate about it beforehand. If you’re not sure what the other person’s expectations are, ask them.
Be open and honest about your beliefs and work together to come up with a solution that works for both of you.
In conclusion, ordering for the woman and the question of who pays on a first date are both aspects of dating that can be rooted in casual sexism.
It’s important to recognize these actions and beliefs and work to break them down. By being aware of our actions and having open communication with our date, we can create more equal and respectful relationships.
Double Standards: The Unfair Comparison
Do you know what double standards are? It’s when one behavior is accepted or promoted for one gender but not for the other.
Double standards can show up in various aspects of our lives, including dating. Let’s take a closer look at how double standards can affect our dating experiences.
Double Standards: Sexual Prowess vs. Career Goals
For instance, there’s a well-known double standard involving sexual prowess.
Men who are sexually active may be considered “lucky” or even praised for their accomplishments, while women are often penalized for the same behavior and labeled as “sluts.” This has a lot to do with the entrenched value society places on female virginity and the idea that a woman’s worth is tied up in her sexuality.
Another example of double standards can be seen when it comes to career goals.
Men are expected to be ambitious and strive for success, while women can sometimes be looked down upon for doing the same. Society often expects women to take on more domestic roles and sacrifices their career aspirations for their families.
These double standards often manifest in decision making, perpetuating the inequality in our society.
Examples of Double Standards: Compliments Edition
Another subtle way double standards can sneak into our dating lives is through compliments.
For instance, when a man compliments a woman by saying she’s “naturally beautiful,” “looks good without makeup,” or “doesn’t need to try so hard,” he is unconsciously perpetuating the double standards that place the burden of appearance and effort almost solely on women.
Although women can be very aware of their appearance, their self-worth should not be tied to attracting men or trying to look good for other people. It brings forth the idea that women must work hard to look good, while men are inherently attractive, and we should praise those who look “natural.” It’s important to be aware of what compliments we give and the context behind them to ensure we’re not perpetuating harmful double standards.
Degrading Language: Superiority Complex
Degrading language on dates is another form of casual sexism.
It’s not always noticeable, but it can have a significant impact on the person being talked to. Certain words and phrases can be used to assert superiority, which negates the respect that we should be giving to our dates.
When a person feels the need to belittle their date, it often stems from their personal insecurities or to exert the assertiveness and maintain control. It’s important to be aware of the power dynamics in every conversation and able to have a mentally healthy conversation.
Examples of Degrading Language: Talk Like a Girl
An example of degrading language might be when someone tells their date to “talk like a girl” and be more submissive or demure. This phrase implies that there is a “correct” way to communicate for each gender and that men should always take the lead.
It’s condescending and reinforces the harmful idea that women should be seen and not heard. It is important to be aware of the language we use when we are conversing with our date.
In conclusion, double standards and degrading language can be detrimental to our dating experiences. It’s important to be aware of them and work towards breaking them down.
By having open communication and being mindful of our words, we can create a more respectful and equal dating culture. Let’s strive towards a society where everyone is treated with the dignity and respect they deserve.
In conclusion, casual sexism is a pervasive issue in the dating world that can take many different forms, including benevolent sexism, ordering for the woman, mansplaining, and degrading language. Additionally, double standards can further perpetuate inequality and harmful beliefs.
Recognizing and addressing these issues is crucial, as they can have a significant impact on the dating experiences of men and women alike. By working towards creating a more respectful and equal dating culture, we can create healthier and happier relationships, and a more just and inclusive society.
