The Mating Grounds

Breaking Free: Overcoming Emotional Abuse in Marriage

Understanding Emotional Abuse in Marriage

Emotional abuse is a type of domestic violence that gets frequently overlooked, but its consequences are long-lasting and traumatic. Emotional abuse is a form of behavior in which one partner tries to control, manipulate or isolate the other through belittlement, insults, and derogatory language, among other tactics.

Emotional abuse can happen to anyone: the powerful and the powerless, the rich and the poor. It can be experienced by both men and women, and in same-sex relationships.

Defining Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse constitutes all the actions and words that undermine the self-worth and dignity of a partner. It can take on many forms, including threatening, lying, insulting, name-calling, gaslighting, or straight-up ignoring a partner.

When emotional abuse is ongoing, it can have a devastating impact on the abused person’s sense of self and wellbeing.

Examples of Emotional Abuse in Marriage

Emotional abuse can manifest itself in various ways in a marriage. Here are some examples:

– Threats: Threats can take on many forms; some emotional abusers might threaten to harm your family, burn down your house, or kill your pets.

– Lying: Lying can create a permanent breach of trust in a marriage. A dishonest partner can make you question the things you know to be true, thereby controlling you.

– Derogatory language: This can include using insults or mocking language that diminishes your worth or identity. Emotional abusers might call you fat, brain-dead, or lazy, among other things.

– Silent treatment: Ignoring your partner for long periods until they do what you want or apologize is a well-known tactic used by emotional abusers. – Isolation: Emotional abusers might try to isolate their partner from friends, family, or other social activities.

Effects of Emotional Abuse on Marriage

The impact of emotional abuse can be incredibly detrimental, with long-lasting effects that stay with the abused person even long after the relationship has ended. Here are some effects of emotional abuse on marriage:

– Imbalanced control: The abuser might exert total control over the abused person, thereby making it impossible for the partner to make any decisions independently.

– Low self-esteem: The constant emotional abuse can make the abused partner feel unworthy of love and care; It can act like a vicious cycle where the more they are abused, the more they feel low. – Mental health issues: Emotional abuse can have severe consequences for the mental health and wellbeing of the abused partner, including depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

– Toxic relationship patterns: When emotional abuse occurs, couples can develop maladaptive relationship patterns that impair trust, communication, and emotional connection. It can become hard to create and maintain a healthy and happy marriage.

– Walking on eggshells: Emotional abuse can make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells all the time, afraid to make a mistake or trigger another episode of emotional abuse.

Ways to Stop Emotional Abuse

Fighting an emotional abuser can be a challenging and daunting task. However, there are some ways that can help you stop the cycle of emotional abuse.

Here are some of them:

– Negotiation: Try talking with your partner and attempt to negotiate a truce in the relationship. – Identifying the cycle: Take note of when your partner becomes abusive and try to identify the things that trigger such behaviors.

– Drawing the line: You have to send a clear message to your partner that emotional abuse will not be tolerated, and you are ready to take any necessary measures to put an end to it. – Understanding it’s not your fault: Always remember that emotional abuse is a partner’s inability to manage their emotions, and it has nothing to do with your worth or actions.

– Adjusting to it: Adjusting to the reality of your partner’s emotional abuse can help you make better choices and decisions that put you in a better place. – Not encouraging by reacting: Your reaction to emotional abuse can either encourage the behavior or discourage it.

Try not to react to an abusive situation and remain calm. – Having a support structure: Have friends and family that can support you and encourage you to stay strong.

– Surrounding with positive people: Always surround yourself with positive people who see you as a valuable and worthy person. – Prioritizing health: Your physical and mental health should be top priority.

Take time to exercise, meditate, eat healthily, and get adequate rest. – Not believing partners’ words: Don’t listen to your partner’s negative or derogatory statements about you; it is usually a reflection of their own insecurities and fears.

– Loving oneself: Learn to love and appreciate yourself, and don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise. – Effective communication: Communication is key in any relationship, try to communicate with your partner in a calm and assertive manner.

– Remaining confident: Develop your confidence and assertiveness, know that you are worthy of respect and dignity. – Getting professional help: If you find emotional abuse too overwhelming, seek professional help from a therapist.

– Walking away: In some cases, where the emotional abuse continues despite best efforts, walking away may be the only option. Can Emotional Abusers Change?

Many people wonder whether emotional abusers can change. The answer is yes.

Although changing negative patterns of behavior can be difficult, it is possible with the right support and tools. Emotional abusers can change by seeking education about the consequences of their behavior, counseling, and committing to hard work.

The partner’s patience and support can also facilitate change. However, it is vital to note that the abuser must take responsibility for their actions and be willing to address changes within themselves.


Emotional abuse is a critical issue in many marriages, but it is a problem that can be overcome. While it may not always be easy to break the cycle of emotional abuse, it is essential to recognize the signs, take steps to stop it, and seek help when necessary.

Remember, you have the power to take control of your situation and create a happier and healthier life for you and your partner. Emotional abuse is not acceptable under any circumstances, and achieving a healthy dynamic is a crucial factor when it comes to having a healthy marriage.

Keep in mind that we, the advisers, are always here to support and listen to you. In conclusion, emotional abuse in marriage can take on many different forms, but its impact can be devastating.

From imbalanced control and low self-esteem to mental health issues and toxic relationship patterns, emotional abuse can have negative consequences that last long after a relationship ends. However, there are steps that can be taken to stop emotional abuse and create a healthier and happier marriage.

It’s essential to understand that emotional abuse is unacceptable and that everyone deserves respect and dignity in a relationship. By prioritizing our own health, practicing effective communication, and seeking professional help, we can overcome the effects of emotional abuse and build a brighter future for ourselves and our partners.

Popular Posts