What is Conflict Avoidance?
Conflict is a natural part of life, but not everyone is comfortable dealing with it. Conflict avoidance is when an individual intentionally avoids confronting or addressing an issue that may cause disagreement or tension with another person. Conflict avoidance can stem from various reasons such as childhood upbringing, past relationship experiences, and personality type.
1. Reasons for Conflict Avoidance
1.1 Reinforcement during Upbringing
Our upbringing and childhood experiences shape us in many ways. Parents who discourage disagreement and encourage conformity may instill keeping the peace as a way of avoiding conflict.
Parents may also use punishment or criticism as a way of controlling behavior, leading to fear and anxiety around disagreement.
1.2 Previous Relationship Experiences
Previous relationship experiences play a crucial role in shaping our behavior. Past traumas, hurt, or unresolved issues can cause us to be apprehensive of conflict. If an individual has experienced a negative outcome from a disagreement, they may avoid any situation in which a similar experience might happen.
1.3 Personality Type
Persons with Avoidant Personality Disorder display symptoms of excessive shyness, sensitivity to criticism and rejection, unwillingness to take risks, and fear of disapproval. These traits can contribute to avoiding conflict situations.
2. Why do People Avoid Conflict?
It is important to identify why an individual may avoid conflict to help them understand how it affects their relationships.
2.1 Fear of Argument
Some individuals may avoid conflict due to a fear of creating a disagreement or argument. This fear of confrontation can prevent conversations from happening.
2.2 Lack of Confidence
Individuals with low self-esteem may fear being disliked or receiving negative feedback. This fear can lead to avoiding conflict to keep everyone happy.
2.3 Belief that Argument is Futile
Some individuals may avoid conflict because they believe there is no point in arguing or expressing their opinion. They may feel that arguing will only lead to more disagreement and negative feelings.
2.4 Desire to Keep Peace
Persons who value peacekeeping and harmony may avoid conflict to maintain the status quo, even if it is at their own expense.
The Negative Impact of Conflict Avoidance
Conflict avoidance can have severe impacts on relationships.
3. Communication Breakdown
Avoiding conflict can lead to a breakdown in communication, leaving important issues unresolved. This can result in frustration and dissatisfaction in relationships.
4. Questioning the Relationship
Unresolved conflict can lead to doubt and mistrust in relationships. This can lead to questioning the strength and trustworthiness of the relationship.
5. Risk of Losing Trust
Avoiding conflict can lead to dishonesty and loss of reliability. Persons who avoid conflict may start to hide their true feelings and motivations, leading to a loss of trust.
6. Continuation of the Same Argument
Avoiding conflict may lead to recurring issues and irresolution. Without resolution of conflicts, issues may continue to arise, leading to a cycle of ongoing problems.
7. Frustration
Avoiding conflict can lead to dissatisfaction and unfairness in relationships. This can result in frustration and negative feelings.
In conclusion, conflict avoidance can negatively impact relationships in various ways. Understanding the reasons why individuals avoid conflict and the possible negative impacts on the relationship can be beneficial.
Addressing conflicts rather than avoiding them can lead to healthier relationships and a more robust communication with mutually beneficial outcomes. Conflict avoidance is a common tendency in many individuals, and dealing with a spouse who avoids confrontation can be challenging.
In a relationship, any conflict left unresolved can build up over time and create tension leading to severe damage. Here are some strategies to help deal with a conflict avoidant spouse.
Dealing with a Conflict Avoidant Spouse
8. Assessing Personal Behaviour
Introspection is essential when it comes to dealing with a conflict avoidant spouse. Assessing personal behavior and exploring one’s role in the relationship to evaluate how to approach any conflict is a great starting point.
Self-reflection allows individuals to understand their behavior and communication style. It can also help them understand how their actions and reactions contribute to conflicts.
9. Realistic Expectations
Dealing with a conflict avoidant spouse requires patience and gradual change. It is essential to set realistic expectations for any change.
Changes in behavior or communication styles take time, and it is essential to be patient and realistic with the progress. Overwhelm your spouse with too much at once and, in most cases, it results in an opposite effect.
10. Encouragement through Positive Reinforcement
Spouses should recognize and praise any action that works towards resolving conflict as a way to reinforce change positively. Using supportive language like ‘I appreciate you dealing with a difficult situation and choosing to confront it,’ shows that the individual recognizes that confronting the conflict was difficult.
Such positive reinforcement encourages the other spouse to keep working towards resolution.
11. Encouraging Communication
One of the most helpful ways to deal with conflict avoidance is to encourage open communication in the relationship. It brings the issue on the table and allows for healthy discourse around it.
Encouraging open communication may mean creating a safe space to discuss everything, including the most difficult topics.
12. Listening Mindfully
Encouraging communication should not mean being together in the same room but not really engaging. It is essential for both partners to listen mindfully to each other’s thoughts, insights, or concerns without defending oneself, blaming or passing judgment.
If one party feels heard, it can lead to a more positive outcome.
13. Seeking Therapy
Therapy is not always seen as a necessity in relationships, but conflict avoidance is an issue that sometimes needed external intervention. It can be daunting to begin, but once started, it can help to assess the root cause of the conflict avoidance behavior.
13.1 Individual Therapy
Individual therapy is an excellent place for the conflict avoidant spouse to explore the root cause of their behavior. Individual therapy provides a space for personal growth and mental health management, which is essential for the individuals who refuse to confront their emotions.
Therapy also helps individuals to develop self-awareness essential in managing their behavior.
13.2 Couples Therapy
The other route to take is couples’ therapy. Couples therapy is a form of relationship counseling that helps build communication and conflict resolution skills between partners.
Therapy provides partners with the tools needed to confront conflicts in a safe environment and build a stronger foundation for their relationship.
Conclusion
Dealing with a conflict avoidant spouse requires patience, understanding, and effective communication strategies to help resolve the conflict. The strategies outlined above are ways to approach resolving the issue and build strong communication skills in the relationship.
Remember, everyone has their pace, and encouraging small progress in the conflict resolution journey matters. Seeking professional help can ease the burden on the individuals, and help maintain healthy relationships between partners.
In conclusion, conflict avoidance is a common issue that can negatively impact relationships. It can be caused by various factors, including upbringing, past experiences, and personality type.
It is essential to understand the reasons why individuals avoid conflict and address it instead of ignoring it. Failure to do so can lead to communication breakdown, mistrust, and ongoing negative feelings in the relationship.
Strategies such as positive reinforcement and therapy can help individuals and couples overcome conflict avoidance and develop positive communication skills. With patience and the right approach, couples can build stronger relationships and a more profound sense of trust and connection.
It is important to make communication and conflict resolution a priority in any relationship, and by doing so, you’ll help ensure long-term love and happiness.
