Understanding Avoidant Attachment Styles
What is Avoidant Attachment?
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who seems distant, emotionally unavailable, and resistant to intimacy? This might be due to the person’s avoidant attachment style, a type of attachment pattern that makes it challenging for them to form deep connections with others.
In psychology, attachment refers to the emotional bond that develops between a child and their caregiver, which shapes the child’s beliefs and expectations about relationships throughout their life.
People can develop different attachment styles, ranging from secure to insecure, based on their early experiences with attachment figures. Avoidant attachment is an insecure attachment style characterized by a fear of intimacy and emotional closeness.
People with an avoidant attachment style often value independence, self-sufficiency, and privacy above all else, and tend to avoid emotional vulnerability, commitment, and deep emotional connections with others.
Signs of Avoidant Attachment
- Cold and distant behavior: People with an avoidant attachment style tend to keep others at arm’s length, maintaining a polite or professional demeanor without revealing much about their true emotions or thoughts.
- Fear of commitment: Avoidant people often resist committing to a long-term relationship, preferring to keep their options open and maintain their independence.
- Struggle to open up: Because they fear vulnerability and emotional exposure, avoidant individuals may find it challenging to share their feelings, desires, and needs with others, preferring to keep their thoughts and emotions to themselves.
Do Avoidants Chase?
Given their fear of intimacy and commitment, you might wonder if avoidant people ever chase after someone they’re interested in.
The answer is yes – but it’s not easy, and it requires a nuanced understanding of their needs and preferences. Here are some tips and tricks for making an avoidant person chase you:
Making an Avoidant Person Chase You
1. Stop Chasing the Avoidant
If you’ve been trying to get an avoidant person’s attention or affection, the first step is to stop chasing them. Instead of pursuing them, give them space and avoid overwhelming them with attention or demands for closeness.
Let them know that you respect their need for independence and that you’re willing to accept the pace of the relationship as they define it.
2. Stay Mysterious
Because avoidant people value independence and privacy, they’re often attracted to partners who maintain an air of mystery and intrigue. Rather than revealing everything about yourself upfront, explore the person slowly and let them get to know you over time.
This can build anticipation, curiosity, and interest in the relationship.
3. Playing the Waiting Game
Because avoidant people fear intimacy and emotional exposure, they need time to think about their feelings and assess their level of emotional investment in a relationship. Give them space and time to ponder over the relationship, allowing them to come to their own conclusions about their emotions and desires.
This can help them feel more in control of the situation and reduce their anxiety about the relationship.
4. Give Them Space
Although it can be tempting to seek constant reassurance from an avoidant partner or demand more closeness than they’re comfortable with, this approach is likely to backfire. Instead, value their personal space and privacy, and avoid suffocating or overwhelming them with attention or demands for intimacy.
Let them come to you when they’re ready.
5. Patience is Key
No matter what strategy you use to make an avoidant person chase you, the key is to be patient and understanding. Remember that their fear of intimacy and abandonment is deeply rooted, and it will take time for them to trust you and let their guard down.
Shield them from misunderstandings, and be a kind and supportive partner.
6. Don’t Rush Them
Because avoidant people tend to move slowly when it comes to relationships, it’s essential to avoid rushing them or pushing them beyond their comfort zone.
Respect their need for time and space, and let them set the pace of the relationship. This can help them feel less pressured and anxious and more in control of the situation.
7. Consider a Social Media Detox
If you’re trying to make an avoidant person chase you, consider taking a break from social media or limiting your online presence. This can add to the air of mystery and privacy that they find attractive, and it can also reduce misunderstandings or misinterpretations of your actions.
8. Focus on Your Physical Appearance
Because avoidant people often value physical attraction and appearance, it can be helpful to focus on your self-care and improvement. Take care of your body, dress well, and present yourself in the best possible light.
This can remind the avoidant person of what they’re missing out on and make them more interested in pursuing a relationship with you.
9. Use Your Body Language
Along with your physical appearance, your body language can also affect whether an avoidant person chooses to chase you. Express romantic interest subtly, without overwhelming them or making them feel uncomfortable.
Use eye contact, touch, and other nonverbal cues to signal your attraction and desire.
10. Boost the Ego
Finally, remember that avoidant people often struggle with low self-esteem and poor self-confidence. Let them know that you’re interested in them, that you find them attractive and desirable, and that you appreciate their unique qualities.
This can boost their ego and make them more confident and enthusiastic about pursuing a relationship with you.
Additional Tips
Consider Seeking Outside Support
If you’re struggling to connect with an avoidant partner or are feeling overwhelmed by their behavior, consider seeking outside support. A counselor or therapist can help you navigate the challenges of an avoidant attachment style and provide you with tools and strategies for building a stronger and more fulfilling connection with your partner.
Take a Course on Attracting an Avoidant Individual
There are many courses and resources available that can help you better understand avoidant attachment styles and learn how to attract an avoidant person. From online programs to books and podcasts, you can find a wide range of resources that can provide you with insights and strategies for building a successful relationship with an avoidant partner.
Be Willing to Be Vulnerable Yourself
While it’s essential to respect an avoidant person’s need for privacy and independence, it’s also important to be willing to be vulnerable and open with them. Share your feelings, desires, and needs with your partner in a respectful and honest way, and be willing to listen to their responses without judgment or criticism.
This can help build trust and intimacy in the relationship.
Remember That Love Takes Time
Finally, remember that building a strong and lasting relationship with an avoidant partner takes time, patience, and effort. Don’t be discouraged if progress is slow or if you encounter obstacles along the way.
Instead, focus on building a positive and respectful connection with your partner, and remember that true love is worth the wait.
In conclusion, understanding the signs and behaviors associated with avoidant attachment styles, and learning how to make an avoidant person chase you, can help you build a more meaningful and lasting relationship.
By respecting their need for privacy and independence, being patient and understanding, and using communication and vulnerability to build trust, you can overcome the challenges of an avoidant attachment style and find real love and connection with an avoidant partner. With a willingness to learn and work together, any relationship can overcome the obstacles of attachment styles and thrive in a deep and meaningful way.
