Accepting Love: Why We Deserve Better
Have you ever heard the phrase “We accept the love we think we deserve”? It’s a powerful statement that speaks to the universal human experience of love and relationships.
But what does it really mean? And what are the implications for our lives and our relationships?
At its core, “We accept the love we think we deserve” is a statement about our own self-worth and self-esteem. It suggests that we are inherently susceptible to hurt and pain in relationships, and that this susceptibility is ultimately determined by our own perception of ourselves.
In other words, if we believe that we are worthy of love and respect, we are less likely to tolerate abusive or unhealthy relationships. But if we believe that we are not deserving of love or that we are fundamentally flawed in some way, we may be more willing to accept relationships that are harmful or even abusive.
This principle applies to all types of relationships, from romantic partners to friends and family members, to our relationships with our communities and even strangers. It suggests that our own sense of self-worth – or lack thereof – can have a profound impact on the types of relationships we attract and accept in our lives.
But what are some of the specific challenges that can arise when we struggle to accept love and positive relationships? Let’s take a closer look.
Challenges of Accepting Better Love
1. Abusive Relationships: The Double-Edged Sword of Low Self-Esteem
One of the most extreme examples of the consequences of low self-esteem is in abusive relationships. When we don’t believe that we are worthy of love and respect, we may be more likely to accept partners who treat us poorly or even engage in physical or emotional abuse.
People who have been in abusive relationships often report feelings of shame, guilt, and even a sense that they deserved the abuse in some way. But it’s important to remember that no one deserves to be abused, no matter what their self-esteem level may be.
If you are in an abusive relationship, it’s important to seek help and support to get out of it safely.
2. Codependency: The Pitfalls of Overdependence on Others
Another challenge that can stem from a lack of self-esteem is codependency.
Codependency is a pattern of behavior in which one person becomes overly dependent on another for emotional and sometimes physical support. In codependent relationships, one person becomes the caretaker or enabler of the other person, often at the expense of their own needs and desires.
This can be rooted in a lack of self-worth, where the codependent person feels that they are only worthy if they are taking care of someone else. Codependent relationships can be very harmful and prevent both people from reaching their full potential.
If you find yourself in a codependent relationship, it’s important to seek help and support to break the pattern and learn healthy relationship behaviors.
3. Indifference: Coping Mechanisms and Unrequited Love
Another challenge that can arise when we struggle with accepting love is indifference.
This can manifest in many ways, from the inability to connect with others emotionally to a sense of apathy or detachment towards those who care about us. Indifference can be a coping mechanism in response to past trauma or to protect ourselves from the pain of rejection or unrequited love.
But it can also prevent us from experiencing the joys of deep, meaningful relationships. If you find yourself struggling with indifference, it may be helpful to explore these feelings with a therapist or trusted friend.
You may need to work through past traumas or learn healthy communication skills to overcome these barriers.
4. Controlling Relationships: The Dangers of Seeking Happiness Through Others
Another common challenge in relationships is when one person tries to control the other.
This can manifest in many ways, from jealousy and possessiveness to attempts to restrict the other person’s behavior or choices. Often, this behavior is rooted in a lack of self-love and a belief that our own happiness is dependent on someone else’s behavior or actions.
But the truth is that true happiness comes from within ourselves, and no one person or relationship can make us truly happy. If you find yourself in a controlling relationship, it’s important to seek support and help to break free from this pattern.
Learning to love and accept yourself is a key step in breaking the cycle of seeking happiness through others.
5. Cheating: A Symptom of Inner Turmoil
Infidelity is another challenge that can arise in relationships, and it may be related to a lack of self-worth and self-love.
When we don’t believe that we are worthy of love and respect, we may seek validation from others, even if that means betraying our partner’s trust. But cheating is ultimately a symptom of inner turmoil and a lack of emotional honesty.
If you find yourself tempted to cheat or in a relationship where cheating has occurred, it’s important to seek support and help to address the underlying issues and find a path forward.
6. Never Settling: The Importance of Self-Respect and High Standards
Finally, some people struggle with never settling in relationships – constantly seeking the “perfect” partner and never feeling satisfied with what they have.
This can be related to a lack of self-worth and a belief that only the best is good enough. But the truth is that no one is perfect, and relationships require compromise and effort from both partners.
It’s important to have high standards and to hold your partners accountable for treating you with respect and love. But it’s also important to recognize that no one can meet all of our needs and to be willing to work through difficult times in a relationship.
Starting to Accept Better Love: Acknowledging, Identifying and Improving
Accepting better love can be a difficult task, but it all begins with acknowledging the wrong kind of love we may have accepted in the past.
This can be done through self-awareness, therapy, examining our family and cultural background. Self-awareness is the foundation of accepting better love.
It requires us to take a deep dive into our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. We have to recognize the patterns in our lives that aren’t healthy.
Identifying the source of your issues can also be helpful. Therapists and counselors can guide us through self-discovery in a safe, supportive space.
When we understand why we are making the choices we make, we can start to change those patterns and choose differently.
Another important step to accepting better love is identifying what makes us happy.
We can make a list of the things that make us feel happy and fulfilled. Before jumping into new relationships, we should reflect on what worked and what didn’t work in past relationships, and pay specific attention to what made us happy.
Doing this can be painful, but it’s an essential step in getting to where we want to be. We can also reflect on our relationships with family and friends.
Oftentimes, the way we receive love from others sets the bar for the type of love we will accept in romantic relationships. By examining these relationships and how they make us feel, we have a better understanding of what love really feels like.
Improving physical health is also an essential aspect of accepting better love. Our physical health can impact every area of our lives, including our relationships.
It’s crucial to take care of our body by maintaining a healthy fitness and diet routine and surrounding ourselves with a healthy and clean environment. We should also make sure to get enough sleep and avoid habits that are detrimental to our physical health.
Pursuing emotional health is also important. We should work on building self-love and self-esteem by practicing self-care and mindfulness.
These practices help us develop healthy coping mechanisms, improve our ability to be vulnerable, and become more receptive to love.
Accepting better love takes time and effort.
But by being intentional on identifying healthy love, and identifying the right partners, we will end up with satisfying and fulfilling relationships.
In conclusion, accepting better love starts with acknowledging the wrong kind of love we may have accepted in the past.
Self-awareness, therapy, examining our family and cultural background, identifying what makes us happy, improving physical health and pursuing emotional health are essential in the quest to accepting better love.
The journey to accepting better love can be painful, but it is worth the effort.
We have the power to heal and learn from our past, set healthy boundaries, and enjoy the freedom of healthy, fulfilling love.
In conclusion, accepting the love we think we deserve can have profound impacts on our lives and relationships.
When we don’t believe we are deserving of love and respect, it can manifest in unhealthy and abusive relationships. But by acknowledging our past patterns and taking intentional steps towards self-awareness, identifying what makes us happy, improving our physical and emotional health, and breaking free from cycles of dependency and control, we can start to accept better love.
Remember that this journey may not be easy, but it is worth the effort. By doing this work, we can open ourselves up to the type of love and relationships we truly deserve and ultimately live happier and more fulfilling lives.
