Understanding and Achieving Compersion in Relationships
Hey there! Are you curious about what compersion is and how it can work in your romantic relationships? Do you want to learn how to cultivate this amazing feeling and experience more joy and happiness with your partner(s)?
Look no further, because we’ve got you covered! In this article, we’ll explore the definition and origin of compersion, its role in relationships, and how you can build and achieve it. Let’s get started!
What is Compersion?
Compersion is a term often used in polyamorous communities to describe the feeling of joy and happiness that one experiences when their partner(s) is/are involved with other people. It’s the opposite of jealousy and can coexist with it.
The concept of compersion originated in the Kerista community, an intentional living community founded in the 1960s in California. The goal of the Kerista community was to create a new kind of society based on love, communication, and sexual openness.
Compersion was a central part of their philosophy and lifestyle.
The Role of Compersion in Relationships
Compersion can play a crucial role in ethical non-monogamous relationships. When we feel compersion, we’re happy and excited for our partners, even when they’re with other people.
It’s a powerful antidote to jealousy and can help build trust, intimacy, and communication in our relationships. Compersion can also bring a sense of freedom and openness to our relationships, allowing us to explore different kinds of love and connection.
Feeling Both Compersion and Jealousy
It’s important to note that it’s possible to feel both compersion and jealousy at the same time. This can be especially true for those who are used to monogamous relationships.
Dealing with jealousy, understanding it, and acknowledging it can help us nurture and cultivate the feeling of compersion. It’s okay to feel jealous—it’s a natural human emotion.
But it’s also possible to practice non-monogamy and still feel compersion.
Building and Achieving Compersion
Now that we understand what compersion is and its role in relationships, how can we cultivate this feeling? Here are some practical tips:
Acknowledging Jealousy
The first step in cultivating compersion is acknowledging jealousy.
When we feel jealous, we can sit with the bad feeling and try to understand where it’s coming from. This is the first step in nurturing the feeling of compersion.
Practicing with Non-Romantic Relationships
You can practice compersion with non-romantic relationships. Try and feel happy for your family or friends when something good happens in their lives.
This will allow you to cultivate a sense of joy and happiness for others.
Noticing the Bodily Sensations of Compersion
When you experience compersion, your body will feel warm and relaxed.
You may feel a sense of joy and happiness that is different from other emotions. Noticing these bodily sensations can help you recognize and cultivate the feeling of compersion.
Learning What Compersion is and How it Can Co-Exist with Jealousy
Learning and understanding about compersion can help us recognize it when it happens. When we know how it can coexist with jealousy, we can understand that it’s possible to feel both emotions at the same time.
This can be helpful when we’re practicing non-monogamy.
Cultivating Gratitude
Focusing on the positive aspects of our lives and relationships can help us feel more grateful and happy.
When we’re grateful for what we have, we’re more likely to feel joy and happiness for our partner(s).
Letting Go of Society-Informed Ideas
Society has taught us a lot about relationships, and some of those ideas may not be helpful or healthy.
Letting go of societal norms and learning to think for ourselves can help us build stronger and more authentic relationships.
Keeping Communication Open
Keeping communication with our partners open and honest is essential in any relationship, especially in non-monogamous relationships.
Checking in with our partners and sharing our feelings can help us build trust and intimacy.
Recognizing the Energy of a New Relationship
When we begin a new relationship, it’s natural to feel warm-and-fuzzy or tingly sensations.
Recognizing and acknowledging these feelings can help us cultivate compersion and joy for our partner(s).
Meeting Your Partners’ Other Partners
Meeting our partners’ other partners can humanize them and help us understand them better.
This can promote healthy communication and build stronger relationships.
Focusing on Self-Development
Focusing on our own personal growth and development can be a great way to cultivate compersion.
By focusing on our strengths and working on our weaknesses, we can become happier and more fulfilled people, which can promote happiness and joy in our relationships.
Conclusion
In conclusion, compersion is an amazing feeling that can enhance our romantic relationships, especially in ethical non-monogamous relationships. By acknowledging jealousy, practicing with non-romantic relationships, noticing the bodily sensations of compersion, and learning about how it can coexist with jealousy, we can cultivate this feeling.
Cultivating gratitude, letting go of society-informed ideas, keeping communication open, recognizing the energy of a new relationship, meeting our partners’ other partners, and focusing on self-development can all help us experience more joy and happiness in our relationships. So go ahead, try it out and see what happens!
Compersion in Monogamous Relationships
Compersion is a term used primarily in polyamorous communities to describe the feeling of joy, happiness, or even excitement that one has when their partner(s) is involved with other people.
Compersion is often paired with consensual non-monogamy, but can monogamous people feel compersion? In this article, we’ll explore the concept of compersion and how it applies in polyamorous and monogamous relationships.
Compersion in the Polyamorous Community
Polyamory is consensual non-monogamy. It’s about forming relationships with multiple people and is growing in popularity.
The polyamorous community has primarily coined the term compersion and is a core component of the polyamorous lifestyle. The philosophy of polyamory is one of ethical non-monogamy, where there are no lies or deceit, and each partner involved is aware and consents to their partner(s)’ involvement with other people.
Compersion is crucial here because it helps alleviate jealousy. When people practice polyamory, compersion cultivates a sense of joy and happiness for their partner(s), and they are able to find deeper connections with more than one person.
Can Monogamous People Feel Compersion?
In a monogamous relationship, it may seem paradoxical to feel compersion when their partner shows love and acts affectionately with someone else.
However, according to Dr. Eli Sheff, a leading researcher on monogamy and polyamory, even monogamous people can feel compersion. This doctoral research, part of her book called “The Polyamorists Next Door,” included over one hundred people in polyamorous relationships as well as over seventy-five people in consensually non-monogamous relationships.
She found that although it’s rare, monogamous people can feel compersion. Sheff finds that compersion is an act of conscious kindness.
Compersion is grounded in empathy, which is a fundamental skill in creating fulfilling relationships.
Why Compersion is Important in Relationships
Compersion is important in any relationship because it helps combat feelings of jealousy and envy. When you’re in a relationship with another person, often, your significant other may take time or energy away from you.
Sometimes they may even end up prioritizing other people, which can make you feel insecure or jealous. However, compersion enables you to find happiness and joy in your partner’s positive experiences with others.
This helps build stronger relationships, better trust, and a sense of security. It allows you to appreciate the different forms of love while experiencing an authentic relationship.
It also gives your partner the necessary freedom to be themselves, enabling them to experience and enjoy the richness of different forms of love.
Takeaway
In conclusion, compersion is a crucial emotion to a relationship. It allows those in polyamorous and consensually non-monogamous relationships to quell feelings of jealousy and envy and instead cultivate joy, happiness, and even excitement for their partner(s)’ positive experiences with other people.
Although less common, monogamous people can also experience compersion. The philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer states that love, in its pure form, entails a willingness to love without expecting anything in return.
The act of compersion is rooted in this very notion. It implies a sense of conscious kindness and empathy that is fundamental to creating fulfilling relationships.
Cultivating compersion in any relationship can be challenging, but through practice, gratitude, and empathy, it is achievable and well worth the effort. In conclusion, understanding compersion and its role in relationships can bring a great deal of happiness and joy to both polyamorous and monogamous relationships.
By acknowledging and nurturing our feelings of jealousy, practicing with non-romantic relationships, noticing the bodily sensations of compersion, and learning how it can coexist with jealousy, we can cultivate this unique feeling. Compersion is important in relationships as it allows us to combat feelings of jealousy and envy, building stronger relationships, trust, and a sense of security.
By understanding and building compersion in our relationships, we can find deeper connections with those we love, have a better understanding of empathy and conscious kindness, and find long-lasting fulfillment in our lives.
