The Mating Grounds

Is He Keeping Your Relationship On The Down Low? Understanding Why and How to Deal

Why Men Keep Their Relationships on the Down Low and the Consequences of Being Kept in the Dark

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’re certain that you and a guy you’ve been dating are in a real relationship, yet he seems to want to keep things on the down low? You’re not alone.

Many women have found themselves in similar situations, and the reasons why men do this are often hard to understand. In this article, we’ll explore some of the most common reasons men keep their relationships on the DL, the consequences of being kept in the dark, and what you can do if you find yourself in this situation.

Reasons why men keep their relationships on the DL

Buddy Crush

One of the more common reasons why men keep their relationships hidden from the public is when they have a “buddy crush.” A buddy crush is when a guy develops a non-sexual, platonic crush on a female friend. He enjoys her company and spending time with her, even though he’s not romantically interested in her.

In this scenario, he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship by introducing the girlfriend and disrupting the current dynamic.

Not That Into You

Another reason why men keep their relationships on the DL is that they’re not that into you. While this might not be what you want to hear, it’s unfortunately true.

In this scenario, the man might enjoy your company and spending time with you, but he’s not interested in a serious relationship. He might keep the relationship status hidden to prevent discussions about commitment, or he’s simply keeping his options open.

Ego Satisfaction

For some men, the attention and validation they receive from being in a relationship are enough to keep them happy, without committing to anything. In this scenario, the man might want to keep the relationship hidden because he doesn’t want to share the attention and validation he’s receiving from his partner or show that he’s tied down.

Protecting from Friends’ Opinions

We all have opinionated friends who are quick to judge. Some men might keep their relationships hidden from the public because they fear judgment from their friends.

They might worry that their friends will judge their partner harshly or that their friends’ opinions might influence their own views on the relationship.

Consequences of being kept on the DL

Feeling Unworthy

When a man keeps the relationship on the DL, his partner might start feeling inadequate and unworthy of being publicly acknowledged. The secrecy might make the person feel excluded and neglected, damaging their self-esteem.

Lack of Commitment

If a man is keeping the relationship status hidden, it might indicate that he’s not serious about committing. If the woman is looking for a serious relationship, then this scenario can be disheartening.

Being Seen as an Object

Being kept on the DL can sometimes make a person feel like an object, rather than a partner. It’s not uncommon for men to treat their partners as if they’re possessions, and keeping the relationship status hidden can exacerbate that feeling.

Potential Hurt Feelings

Finally, being kept on the DL can lead to hurt feelings. It’s natural to feel disappointed and let down when you think you’re in a relationship, only to realize that the person you’re dating doesn’t feel the same way.

This situation can lead to pain and disappointment.

What to do if you find yourself in this situation

If you find yourself in a situation where your partner is keeping their relationship status on the DL, there are a few things you can do. First, have an open and honest conversation with your partner.

Let them know how the situation is making you feel and discuss why they feel the need to keep the relationship hidden. Second, be clear about what you’re looking for in the relationship.

If you’re looking for something serious and committed, then it’s important to know if the person you’re dating feels the same way. If they’re not interested in a serious relationship, then it’s better to know sooner rather than later.

Finally, take some time to reflect on what you want out of the relationship. If the person you’re dating isn’t meeting your needs, then it might be time to move on and find someone who is.

In conclusion, being kept on the DL can lead to feelings of inadequacy, a lack of commitment, objectification, and potential hurt feelings. While there might be reasons why men keep their relationships hidden, it’s essential to have an honest conversation with your partner and be clear about what you’re looking for in the relationship.

Remember, everyone has the right to be in a healthy, committed, and public relationship.

3) Ways to Deal With Being Kept on the DL

Being kept on the DL can take a toll on a person’s self-esteem, lead to feelings of invalidation, and even cause emotional damage. If you find yourself in this situation, here are some ways to deal with it:


Communication is key. Have a conversation with your partner, and ask them to be honest with you about why they’re keeping the relationship on the DL.

Being transparent about your feelings as well can give you an understanding of where you stand in the relationship. Let them know why you are upset or feeling neglected.

The conversation may be challenging to navigate, but its a necessary one.


It’s important to practice self-respect. Don’t remain in a situation that doesn’t make you feel appreciated.

You shouldn’t have to settle for less than you deserve. Remember, the status of a relationship does not define your worth.

It is important to take care of yourself and practice self-care. Loving and respecting oneself demonstrates to others how you want to be treated.

Leaving The Situation

If communication or self-respect have not improved your situation, it may be time to leave. The fear of being alone or feeling incapable of finding a better situation can dictate your actions.

It takes courage to leave your comfort zone, however, distance can provide clarity and create space for more fulfilling opportunities. Your mental and emotional health is more important than clinging to a situation that doesn’t make you happy.

Understanding Individual Needs

People have different relationship needs. Some prefer a relationship that is open, while some prefer discretion and privacy.

It is important to respect each other’s needs to live and function as individuals. Prioritize your non-negotiables so that you can determine your stance on openness and privacy.

Knowing your needs and understanding your partner’s allows for the development of a healthy balance in the relationship.

4) Differences in Attitudes Towards Relationships

Attitude towards relationships varies among individuals and preferences. Let us take a closer look at some of these differences:


Some people are more open about their relationship status, while others prefer to keep it private. Some desire to share their feelings with their partners in public, while others prefer to maintain personal boundaries.

In an open relationship, communication, sharing, and honesty become the pillars that allow them to grow together. It can lead to increased understanding, mutual respect, and trust.


Privacy and discretion are important to some people. Publicizing the status of a relationship can lead to peer scrutiny and a sense of judgment.

Keeping their relationships private can prevent invasive questions, criticisms, or the opinions of others outside of their relationship. It can also be a way of maintaining trust and respect by only allowing certain people into their private affairs.

Relationships as Validation

For some people, relationships serve as validation. It can provide an emotional boost to their self-esteem, and it’s a way of feeling accepted and loved unconditionally.

They may find security in having someone validate their self-worth. It can, however, lead to neglecting self-care and personal growth, putting all validation on a partner, and creating an imbalanced relationship dynamic.

Friend Opinions

Sometimes, the opinions of friends influence a person’s stance on their relationship. It could cause some to hide their relationship and keep it on the DL.

Conversely, friends can provide support and understanding, helping to build a stronger relationship. Ultimately, a person should prioritize what they feel is essential and know that they are in control of their own lives.

In conclusion, differences in attitude can shape an individual’s approach to relationships. While some may prioritize openness and communication, others may prefer discretion and privacy.

It is important to recognize that relationships serve different purposes to people, and needs differ. Understanding that people’s attitudes and beliefs might not always align is an essential element in relationship building.

What is more important is that people meet each other halfway to foster mutual respect and a healthy relationship dynamic. In this article, we discussed the reasons why men keep their relationships on the down low, the consequences of being kept in the dark, ways to deal with the situation, and differences in attitudes towards relationships.

Communication, self-respect, understanding individual needs, and leaving the situation are some ways to address being kept in the dark. People have varying preferences when it comes to openness, privacy, and relationships as validation, and peer influence.

Ultimately, what is essential is mutual respect and understanding, and a willingness to work towards a healthy relationship dynamic. Whether you are in a committed relationship or not, it is important to value and prioritize your self-worth and happiness.

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