Effective Communication: How Stonewalling is a Barrier and the Consequences
Communication is a vital aspect of any relationship, and it’s essential to ensure that you and your significant other are on the same page. When communication is lacking, relationships can suffer, and one of the most significant barriers to effective communication is stonewalling.
Being stonewalled leaves individuals feeling disconnected, frustrated, and unable to express themselves. In this article, we will discuss what stonewalling is, its types, how it affects relationships, and uncover the consequences of stonewalling in relationships.
What is Stonewalling?
Stonewalling is a behavior where one partner refuses to respond to or communicate with the other. It’s a form of communication breakdown and usually occurs during a conflict. When an argument or disagreement ensues, stonewalling is a tactic used by some individuals for retaining control or power through silence and emotional distance.
Stonewalling instills negative emotions and might seem reassuring in the moment, but it only leads to problems and consequences later.
Types of Stonewalling Behavior
Stonewalling can manifest in several ways and manifests differently in each relationship. Here are some of the different forms stonewalling can take:
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Silent Treatment:
As the name suggests, this type of stonewalling occurs when one person ignores the other altogether. It’s a nonverbal way of expressing negative emotions, and it reinforces negative feelings towards the other person.
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Shutting Down:
Often, individuals shut down during an argument, withdraw, and make their emotional self unavailable. They act like they’re asleep, ignoring the conversation at hand.
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Unresponsiveness:
With this type of stonewalling, individuals refuse to answer questions, respond to texts, or speak in general. They might even avoid eye contact and give vague answers.
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Deflecting:
Some individuals refuse to engage in the conversation by diverting the topic when issues arise or by bringing unrelated topics into the discussion.
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Walking Away:
This type of stonewalling happens when one person disengages by physically walking away from the argument or avoiding the other person altogether.
The Consequences of Stonewalling in Relationships
Stonewalling creates tension in a relationship because it doesn’t allow for communication and leaves individuals feeling unheard. Here are the consequences of stonewalling in a relationship:
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It Destroys Trust:
When one partner stonewalls, it causes the other partner to doubt the relationship’s authenticity. It destroys trust, and the other partner might feel like the stonewalling partner is hiding something.
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It Causes Emotional Damage:
Stonewalling is a severe form of emotional abuse. The partner on the receiving end is left feeling rejected and ignored. They might begin to question their self-worth and wonder if the other partner is unsupportive.
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It Harms Communication:
Communication is the key to any relationship’s success. Stonewalling cuts off communication, and unresolved conflicts can become bigger problems in the long run.
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It Leads to Unresolved Conflicts:
Stonewalling prevents the couple from resolving the conflict at hand, which can lead to the same arguments resurfacing over and over again. It creates a pattern of communication breakdown, making it difficult to resolve any future conflicts.
The Bottom Line
Stonewalling is a severe threat to any relationship’s success. When someone in the relationship stonewalls, it creates a significant barrier to communication. It causes emotional damage, harms communication, and destroys trust. As a couple, it’s essential to address stonewalling and find ways to improve communication to avoid any long-term harm to the relationship.
Remember, communication is the key to strong relationships, and anything less can lead to problems. Take the initiative to open up communication channels and wipe out stonewalling in your relationship.
3) Reasons for Stonewalling
Stonewalling is a communication barrier that often occurs during conflicts between individuals. The behavior of stonewalling can be frustrating, and in some cases, it’s necessary to understand what causes it to prevent it from happening.
Some reasons why individuals resort to stonewalling include difficulty handling conflict and fear of confrontation.
1. Difficulty Handling Conflict
The inability to manage conflicts is a common reason why some individuals resort to stonewalling. When conflict arises, emotions tend to escalate making it difficult to express oneself correctly. Some avoid difficult conversations altogether, leading to the use of stonewalling to stop the conflict. An individual’s history, such as growing up in an environment where the communication style was non-confrontational, is also a contributing factor.
People who grew up with parents who avoided confrontation have a tendency to avoid it themselves. In these cases, stonewalling results as the individual cannot comprehend how to deal with the conflict that may occur.
2. Fear of Confrontation
The fear of confrontation is a common factor that results in the use of stonewalling. It’s a natural response when someone feels threatened. In an argument, a person may feel cornered and anxious, resulting in them opting to be silent and withdraw from the situation.
When threatened, people are motivated to fight or flight as a defense mechanism. Stonewalling is a form of flight because it allows the individual to retreat and leave the situation.
Another reason why someone may fear confrontation is if their communication style is defensive. People who are defensive often feel attacked during a conversation regardless of the topic, and stonewalling is a defensive tactic that they can use to feel in control of the situation.
4) Negative Impact of Stonewalling
Stonewalling can have significant negative consequences in relationships. The behavior affects communication and can lead to the breakdown of relationships and potential break-ups. It’s essential to address the issue of stonewalling in relationships to ensure there is open communication and avoid further harm.
1. Communication Breakdown
Stonewalling is a form of communication breakdown, making it challenging for partners to resolve conflicts. The silent partner is unreachable, and the other partner is unable to express themselves without feedback. Both parties are left feeling unheard and unvalidated, which causes friction and distance in a relationship. Stonewalling creates a pattern of communication breakdown, making it difficult to resolve any future conflicts that may occur in the relationship.
2. Potential for Relationship Ending
Stonewalling is emotionally exhausting. The affected partner may feel like they are unable to express themselves and are unheard, causing further emotional turmoil. When stonewalling persists for prolonged periods, it erodes the foundation of the relationship, making it vulnerable to potential break-ups. If communication seems impossible, the distance becomes permanent, thus leading to the potential end of the relationship.
The Bottom Line
Stonewalling is a behavior that occurs due to several factors like the difficulty in handling conflict and fear of confrontation. It leads to communication breakdown and potential for relationship endings. As such, individuals find it essential to learn about the causes of stonewalling. By understanding the reasons why specific individuals resort to stonewalling, one can ensure compatibility of communication styles and the ability to manage potential conflicts effectively.
Addressing stonewalling and finding healthy ways to handle conflicts can rejuvenate and strengthen any relationship. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, so it’s essential to recognize and address any communication barriers that may arise.
5) Overcoming and Preventing Stonewalling in Relationships
Stonewalling is a severe threat to any healthy relationship. Understanding what causes stonewalling and preventing it from happening are essential steps in nurturing open communication between partners. Here are some ways to overcome and prevent stonewalling in your relationship.
1. Reflection and Self-Awareness
Understanding why stonewalling is your go-to behavior is essential. By becoming familiar with the circumstances and your emotions around stonewalling, you can learn to recognize the signs and take steps to overcome it. It’s crucial to reflect on your behavior and evaluate what triggers stonewalling. Being self-aware helps you to communicate effectively, and this can result in a healthier relationship.
2. Communication with Partner
Addressing stonewalling with your partner is essential. Be honest and direct. Inform your partner of your communication style and discuss what triggers you to stonewall. Share what you’re feeling and talk about how to communicate with each other more effectively. Develop clear communication techniques, like taking a break, using ‘I’ statements, and acknowledging when you feel uncomfortable.
3. Taking a Break
Sometimes, tempers can flare during an argument, and it’s all too easy to become heated and emotional. It’s okay to take a break to calm down and collect your thoughts instead of resorting to stonewalling. Agree to table the discussion and readdress it when both of you are in a calm state of mind.
4. Working on Internal Conflict
Some individuals may have underlying internal conflicts that contribute to stonewalling. It’s essential to reflect and work on these issues through self-improvement, counseling, and therapy. Improving our internal conflicts can help us feel more comfortable in confronting our conflicts with our partners.
5. Practicing Empathy and Accountability
Empathy and accountability are crucial to fostering open communication between partners. When stonewalling occurs, try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Recognize the effect your stonewalling is having on your relationship and take accountability for your actions. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings, words or actions, and validate them. Doing so can shift the focus from the conflict itself to the emotions at play.
6. Seeking Help
At times, couples may not be able to resolve their communication problems by themselves. Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can benefit the couple in understanding their communication styles and how to address them. They can also help couples navigate their conflicts and teach effective communication methods.
6) Signs of Stonewalling
Stonewalling can be difficult to detect at times but being aware of the signs can bring it to the forefront and help prevent it from occurring. Here are some signs of stonewalling to watch out for:
1. Ignoring the Other Person
Stonewalling can be hard to detect at times, especially if an individual is avoiding the person they’re communicating with. When someone is unresponsive in communication, that is a sign of stonewalling.
2. Deflecting
When an individual is deflecting, they’re avoiding the point of the conversation by talking about irrelevant or off-topic things. It’s a form of stonewalling because the person being deflected from cannot make any progress in the conversation.
3. Making Accusations
When someone is stonewalling, they may resort to making accusations to avoid the discussion. They might say things like “you never listen” or “you’re always starting fights” instead of addressing the issue at hand.
4. Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Another sign of stonewalling is passive-aggressive behavior, such as avoiding eye contact, slamming doors, or generally being unpleasant. It’s a way of expressing anger and annoyance without having to communicate.
5. Walking Away
Finally, walking away is a clear sign of stonewalling. Instead of engaging in communication, an individual may simply disengage from the conversation and walk away or leave altogether.
The Bottom Line
Stonewalling is a severe threat to any relationship’s success, but it’s possible to overcome and prevent it from happening. Being self-aware, focusing on communication, taking breaks, working on internal conflicts, practicing empathy and accountability and seeking professional help are all ways to overcome stonewalling.
Being aware of the signs can help individuals recognize stonewalling and prevent it from occurring. Remember, open communication is the key to a healthy relationship and avoiding stonewalling is essential.
In conclusion, stonewalling is a significant barrier to open communication within relationships and can result in negative consequences, including communication breakdown and potential break-ups. Recognizing that stonewalling can be brought about by the fear of confrontation, difficulty handling conflict, and underlying issues is essential.
By implementing strategies to act and overcome stonewalling, such as communication with one’s partner, taking a break, seeking help and practicing empathy, individuals can work towards fostering better relationships with their significant others. Being aware of the signs of stonewalling can also help individuals recognize when it’s occurring and nip it in the bud.
Open communication and avoiding stonewalling are key components to fostering healthy relationships that stand the test of time.
