The Importance of Communication in Relationships
Relationships, whether familial, platonic or romantic, are built on communication. It is the foundation for understanding and connection.
It is the bedrock for developing trust and respect between partners. However, when communication becomes toxic, it affects the relationship’s quality negatively, making it a breeding ground for misunderstandings, resentments, and conflict.
Toxic Communication Patterns
Toxic communication patterns occur when emotional or physical abuse becomes a norm in a relationship. Physical abuse involves anything from slapping, hitting, and pushing, while emotional abuse is characterized by hurtful behavior, insecurity issues, dismissive behavior, showing contempt, and using hurtful words.
These behaviors do not just harm the recipient of said behavior, but it also causes damage to the perpetrator and the relationship itself. Hurting someone you claim to love is not just wrong but also dangerous for all parties involved.
Toxic communication patterns build much more toxicity in the relationship, damaging the victim’s psyche and leaving the perpetrator feeling guilty and ashamed of their behavior. Healthy vs.
Unhealthy Communication
One of the major differences between healthy and unhealthy communication is the presence or absence of trust in the relationship. Respect, transparency, and kindness also play vital roles in cultivating a healthy communication pattern.
Emotional IQ, as well, is an essential ingredient for good communication in relationships. It involves identifying and managing one’s own emotions and recognizing and responding to others’ emotions.
Unlike toxic communication, healthy communication allows individuals in the relationship to express themselves freely, assertively, and in a way that improves the relationship’s quality. Healthy communication takes time to develop, and it sometimes means being patient with the other person and taking active steps to reduce misunderstandings and conflicts that may arise.
Identifying Toxic Communication Patterns
Occasional Unhealthy Behavior is Normal
It is reasonable to have occasional rude behavior in a relationship. Maybe you’re in a rush or you’re not feeling well, and you snap at your partner.
Everyone has bad days where it’s more difficult to be kind. In this case, it’s essential to address the behavior and immediately apologize for it, preventing said behavior from becoming a pattern.
Consistent Negative Communication is a Problem
When the occasional rudeness becomes consistent negative communication behavior, it leaves a mark in the relationship. A pattern of negative communication can cause depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, guilt, and shame in the victim.
The perpetrator, on the other hand, may feel guilty, ashamed and over time can even cause irreversible damage to their own mental health.
If negative communication becomes a norm, it’s important to take steps towards voicing your feelings.
Emotional IQ plays a significant role in identifying emotions (yours and your partner’s) and communicating assertively to reduce the odds of repetition.
Example of Bad Communication in a Relationship
Let’s explore a typical communication scenario in a relationship. Say it’s Friday night and you and your partner have planned to spend a cozy evening in watching a movie.
However, your partner calls you while you’re at work and tells you they’ve made new plans for the evening with friends. Your initial reaction is hurt, but instead of communicating assertively and asking for them to cancel their plans, you lash out, calling your partner selfish and accusing them of not caring about your feelings.
Your negative body language is also apparent. You may slam your phone down or give them the silent treatment.
When your partner tries to speak to you later, you may continue to give them the cold shoulder, assuming they know exactly what they’ve done and refusing to talk about your feelings. This communication pattern becomes toxic when it’s repeated over time.
Communication takes effort, and it’s essential to regularly check on your own emotions and respond to others in a way that’ll build the relationship’s quality.
Final Thoughts
Communication is the bedrock of healthy and functioning relationships. It’s important to remember that a relationship is a two-way street, and both parties involved should strive towards a healthy and communicative relationship.
Be patient, be kind, and don’t pick a fight over every little thing. Communicate assertively, and you’ll prevent unhealthy toxic communication from being part of your relationship’s story.
Remember, building trust, respect, and transparency takes time and effort. So be intentional about your communication, and watch your relationship prosper.
Toxic Communication Patterns in Relationships
We all communicate in our own way, and sometimes these patterns can become toxic, causing harm to ourselves and our relationships. Here are some common toxic communication patterns that we should be aware of in any relationship:
- Defensiveness: It’s easy to blame our partners when we feel attacked, but that’s an unhealthy habit that only leads to arguments.
- Constantly shifting blame onto our significant other instead of owning up to our faults damages the relationship.
- Frustrated Language: Using words like “always” and “never” in an argument portrays the message with a more significant emphasis, which means a lack of communication.
- These superlatives are usually not accurate; it can cause our partners to feel defensive.
- Speaking for Your Partner: This behavior is controlling, and it leads to a lack of autonomy in relationships.
- When you start speaking for your partner, you’re being controlling by not letting them speak for themselves. It is okay to help out your partner, but not to speak for them.
- Gaslighting: This is a manipulative behavior that involves questioning our partner’s sense of reality, making them doubt their feelings and thoughts. This narcissistic behavior makes the partner feel unstable and always on edge.
- Being Too Critical: Constant criticism chips away at our partner’s self-worth. This type of behavior is often seen in toxic relationships where the one partner is trying to control and manipulate the other.
- Negative Body Language: Physical distancing, holding onto tension or anger, and lack of intimacy can lead to distancing or losing intimacy with our partners. The situation may also worsen if this behavior is not addressed.
- Sudden Brakes: Cutting off communication when we’re mid-argument or discussion is disorienting for our partner and leaves room for assumptions and unresolved issues, making things worse.
- Steamrolling: Narcissistic behavior can lead to a high sense of entitlement that can make our partners feel helpless and unheard.
- This behavior can lead to a partner feeling rage and depression, which is detrimental to the relationship.
- Overstepping Boundaries: Trust and respect are core in relationships.
- When we overstep our partner’s boundaries, we break down the trust, which can lead to blackmail and other issues.
- Assuming Your Partner Already Knows: Clear communication helps our partners understand where they stand with us, and assuming that they understand our feelings or thoughts misleads them and leaves a gap in communication.
The Importance of Avoiding Toxic Communication Patterns
Constantly exhibiting these toxic communication patterns can lead to significant consequences in a relationship. It can cause a relationship to end on bad terms and lead to significant relationship issues.
Therefore, it’s crucial to avoid these toxic patterns, and here is why.
Relationship Consequences:
When we exhibit toxic communication patterns, it can lead to the deterioration of the relationship.
The use of manipulative tactics and a lack of respect can lead to the end of the relationship or distancing between partners.
Catching and Changing Toxic Communication Patterns:
Recognizing toxic communication patterns and making a change can save your relationship.
This is only possible if we acknowledge and take active steps towards self-improvement, improving the quality of the relationship. Building emotional IQ and critical thinking skills will also go a long way in improving communication patterns.
Conclusion
Maintaining a healthy relationship requires a lot of work, including regularly checking ourselves and continually working to improve our communication patterns. It begins with acknowledging toxic communication patterns, seeking help to change and improve our patterns of communication, and building better communication habits.
By taking these steps towards self-improvement in communication, we can help build healthy and robust relationships with our partners. In conclusion, communication is vital in any type of relationship, be it romantic, familial or platonic.
While occasional unhealthy behavior is common, regularly exhibiting toxic behavior can lead to significant consequences in relationships. Identifying and changing toxic communication patterns can help save a relationship, but it takes dedication and deliberate action towards improvement.
By avoiding toxic communication patterns and prioritizing healthy communication, we can cultivate long-lasting, healthy relationships that build towards a brighter future.
