The Mating Grounds

Is Your Partner a Trickster? Signs of a Bait and Switch Marriage and How to Overcome It

Are you starting to feel like your partner isn’t the same person you fell in love with? Are they neglecting your emotional needs, becoming a different person sexually, or shirking household responsibilities?

If you’re nodding your head, then you might be caught in a bait and switch marriage. What is a Bait and Switch Relationship?

A bait and switch relationship is when one partner lures the other into marriage by promising certain things, such as emotional affection, sexual chemistry, and shared interests. However, once the wedding vows are said, the baiting partner changes, revealing a different personality, behavior patterns and values altogether.

Its like being sold one product but then being given something else as a result of increased marketing techniques rather than the real value of the product. In marriages, this is usually done to either get the partner to propose or to convince a hesitant partner about getting married in the first place.

Why Do People Engage in Bait and Switch? Its important to understand the psychology behind baiting and switching.

Often, the person who does the baiting and switching may not even realize that theyre doing it. They may not be actively trying to deceive their partner but instead, they were trying to become a better version of themselves to be more appealing to their partner.

It usually happens when someone realizes that they need to change a particular aspect/behavior, but once they get comfortable in the marriage, they revert to their true selves. Another reason why people may change their behavior after the wedding day is simply because theyre busy.

Life after marriage becomes hectic with kids, careers, and other responsibilities; its effortless to skip out on the emotional and physical effort. While it may not be intentional, the partner may start to neglect their marital duties, causing frustration and resentment from the other party.

The Cycle of Bait and Switch Behavior

Bait and switch behavior usually follows the below cycle:

– They behave differently after you’ve committed to the relationship

– You express concern or disappointment with their behavior

– They agree to change their behavior

– They make the changes temporarily but then go back to their old behavior

– You express disappointment or frustration once again

– The cycle starts again.

Signs of a Bait and Switch Marriage

1. Emotional Baiting Behavior:

Emotional baiting behavior is common in bait and switch relationships.

You start to realize that your partner isnt as affectionate or attentive towards you as they used to be before marriage, and this behavior causes emotional strain.

In these situations, your partner may be emotionally neglectful or abusive.

They may be extremely busy and not create enough time to meet your emotional needs, leading to feelings of loneliness, isolation, and resentment.


Bait and Switch Sex:

Sex is important in a marriage, not just for procreation but also for intimacy and bonding. In a bait and switch marriage, one partner may initiate sex less, gain weight, or even become interested in a different kind of sexual lifestyle or fetish that the other partner is not interested in.

It could also be their way of avoiding emotional intimacy by using physical intimacy as a way out of deep conversations. Often, when a partner feels that the only way to get any attention from the other partner is to have sex, they may stop trying to communicate deeper emotions.

3. Partner Becomes a Different Person:

Another sign of bait and switch marriages is when your partner becomes a different person after marriage.

They may suddenly find new interests, change their values, or refuse to split household responsibilities equally. It could be that theyve pretended to share certain interests or values to get married or had a more extensive set of parental/family relation’s expectations of how a specific action should be taken.

However, after the wedding, they start prioritizing their own wants and needs over those of their partner.

Extra Tips for Saving Your Relationship

1. Communicate:

Communication is critical for any marriage to succeed.

If you feel that your partner is changing, then try to start a conversation with them about your observation.

Don’t point fingers or blame; simply present your concerns in a calm and respectful manner.

Often, people have significant reasons for their behavior, but they simply don’t know how to express themselves or get the other partner to understand.


Seek Counseling:

Sometimes, the issues in a marriage might need outside help to fix. Don’t be shy to seek marital counseling to help mend your relationship.

Its not a sign of weakness or failureseeking therapy should be viewed as a way to strengthen your bond and your ability to communicate better, reconnect as a team, and understand each other better. In conclusion, bait and switch marriages are sadly becoming more common.

With life getting busy and other responsibilities taking priority over meaningful communication and effort in a marriage, its no surprise that some people start to feel like theyre missing out on something special after marriage. However, by knowing the signs of a bait and switch marriage and working together as a couple, you can overcome these issues and rekindle the spark that brought you together in the first place.

Dealing with a bait and switch relationship can be difficult and deeply hurtful. However, understanding the root causes of the behavior change is crucial in working towards a resolution.

Looking at the Root Causes of Behavior Changes

Behavioral changes after marriage are not necessarily a personification of deception or trickster behaviors. They can result from the realities of adult life, where people have to balance multiple responsibilities such as family, work, and community.

Once a person gets comfortable in the marriage, it’s easy to start neglecting the effort that’s needed to maintain the marriage. The problem escalates when the other partner is entirely dependent on emotional security from their spouse.

Having a Conversation with Your Spouse

Communication is key in any relationship. Having a conversation with your spouse about the changes in their behavior can help both parties understand the underlying reasons behind such changes and ways to move forward.

During this conversation, it’s important to express your concerns in a calm and respectful manner. Avoid using blame language or pointing fingers, but instead, explain how their behavioral changes affect you and your marriage.

The benefits of doing this are simple; it creates an open dialogue where both parties can express themselves truthfully without judgment, and they can understand and cater to their partner’s emotional needs, leading to a mutually beneficial resolution.

Considering Your Own Behavior in the Marriage

While it’s easy to point fingers, its important to ask yourself if you’ve contributed to the problem in any way. If you’ve contributed, then what can you do differently?

And how can you help meet the emotional needs of your partner in a more effective way?

It’s important to look at your actions and behaviors in the relationship and see if they contribute to your partners emotional withdrawal.

Try to communicate more often, show affection in meaningful ways, and try to understand your partner’s perspective on certain issues. If both parties are doing their best in contributing to the relationship, it has the potential to create a positive environment for both selves.

Solutions for a Bait and Switch Relationship

While it is not easy to turn around a bait and switch relationship, there are solutions that can help. One of these is counseling or therapy.

A trained therapist can help both parties to navigate their feelings and emotions, teach them better communication skills, and work together towards a more satisfying marriage. A therapist can help identify the root causes of behavioral changes and offer guidance on how to work together to create a better marriage.

Counseling can be a safe space to express difficult emotions, fears, and concerns, leaving both parties feeling heard and understood. Furthermore, a therapist can offer tailor-made solutions unique to your marriage, such as going on dates, taking up a hobby together, or simply conversing more frequently.

In conclusion, dealing with a bait and switch relationship requires a lot of effort and understanding from both partners. It’s important to approach the situation with empathy and understanding, rather than with blame and resentment.

By having open and honest communication, considering your own behavior, and seeking professional counseling, you can work towards building a healthier, happier and more fulfilling relationship. In conclusion, bait and switch relationships in marriage are complex and emotionally challenging issues to deal with.

However, it’s important to understand that such behavioral changes don’t necessarily stem from a place of malice, but rather from the realities of adult life. To navigate these challenges, couples must communicate openly, express their concerns, and work together towards a solution.

This may involve identifying their own contributions to the problem, considering counseling or therapy, and creating a safe and open environment for honest communication. By taking these steps, couples can rebuild their relationship, strengthen their bond, and find a shared path towards a happier and more fulfilling future together.

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