Backburner Relationships: Are They Worth Keeping?
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you’re not 100% committed, but you still keep a communication line open with someone else just in case your current relationship doesn’t work out?
If so, then you’re engaged in what is known as a backburner relationship.
What are backburner relationships, you ask?
Essentially, they operate as a “plan B” should your current relationship not go according to plan. The person you’re communicating with is like a backup partner – someone you can turn to in times of need, someone who is there for you when your current relationship fails to meet your expectations.
But what are the reasons why you might choose to maintain such a relationship? Let’s take a look!
Reasons for Maintaining Backburner Relationships
1. Insurance
One of the reasons why people engage in backburner relationships is because they serve as insurance. If your current relationship doesn’t end up working out, then you at least have someone else waiting in the wings who might be a good fit for you.
This serves as a safety net of sorts, making it easier for you to cope during the aftermath of a break-up.
2. Fear
Another reason why some people choose to maintain backburner relationships is because they fear their current relationship might not work out. In essence, this is a form of self-protection – by hedging their bets, they are less likely to experience the pain of rejection or heartache in case things don’t work out.
3. Experience
Past relationship experiences can also influence why people would choose to maintain backburner relationships. Perhaps they’ve been in a relationship before that didn’t work out, and they don’t want to go through that pain again.
They might see having a backup relationship as a good way to protect themselves from that kind of pain and disappointment.
4. Avoidance
Sometimes people don’t want to fully commit to a relationship. This can be for a variety of reasons, including not wanting to take on the responsibility and expectations that come with being in a long-term relationship.
Maintaining a backburner relationship can give people the illusion of choice and control, without the need to commit fully.
5. Feeling Good
Finally, a significant reason why people engage in backburner relationships is because it makes them feel good. Having someone else to turn to feels good because it provides a sense of emotional security, as well as an ego boost to know that someone else is interested in you.
Signs Your Partner Has a Backburner Relationship
If you’re in a relationship with someone and you suspect that they might be keeping a backup partner on hand, then there are a few signs to look out for. Here are some red flags that could indicate that your partner has a backburner relationship:
1. No Solid Plans
If your partner seems reluctant to make any long-term plans with you, then that could be a sign that they are not fully committed to the relationship. This doesn’t mean that they are necessarily seeing someone else, but it’s worth paying attention to.
2. Talks but Doesn’t Show Love
Another sign of a backburner relationship is when your partner constantly talks about how much they care about you, but their actions don’t necessarily match up to their words. This could indicate that they have some emotional distance that they don’t want to close.
3. Hardly Calls or Texts
If you find that you’re always initiating contact in your relationship and your partner doesn’t make much effort to reach out to you, then this could be a cause for concern. They may be distracted by their other options or uncertain about their feelings for you.
4. Cancels Plans
If your partner frequently cancels or reschedules plans with you, then this could be an indication that they’re making time for someone else. While a canceled date or event doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s someone else in the picture, it’s worth asking questions if it’s happening frequently.
5. Disappears
If your partner goes silent for periods of time without explanation, then this could be another sign that they are in a backburner relationship. They’re not being fully transparent about where their attention is going, and they don’t want to have to own up to that fact.
6. Only Shows Up When They Need Something
If your partner only contacts you when they need something – whether it’s emotional support, physical intimacy, or anything else – then this could be a sign that they’re not fully committed to the relationship. They’re using you as a resource, not as a partner.
7. Things Happen on Their Terms
Finally, if you find that all of the decisions in your relationship are being made by your partner, then this could indicate that they’re keeping a backburner relationship in the picture. They’re using you as a fallback, not as an equal in the relationship.
How to Deal with a Backburner Relationship
If you find that you’re in a backburner relationship yourself, or suspect that your partner might be in one, then what can you do? Here are a few tips:
1. Confront Your Partner
One of the most important things you can do is confront your partner about your suspicions. Be clear and direct about what you’re feeling and what you’ve observed, and ask them to be honest with you about their intentions.
2. Discuss the Relationship
Have an honest discussion about the state of your relationship with your partner. Talk about what you want out of the relationship and what your expectations are.
Be prepared to hear what your partner has to say and to work together to find a solution that works for both of you.
3. Stay Calm
It’s important to stay calm during these kinds of conversations. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you, and be willing to give your partner the benefit of the doubt if they seem to be genuine in their responses.
4. Don’t Expect a Miracle
While it’s possible to work through a backburner relationship, it’s important to realize that this kind of problem may not have an easy solution. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your partner to make things work if it’s clear that this kind of relationship isn’t sustainable.
5. Consider Counseling
Finally, if you’re struggling to work through issues in your relationship, consider seeking the help of a professional counselor. They can offer an objective perspective and provide you with tools and strategies to work through your problems more effectively.
Backburner relationships can be a tricky and potentially harmful dynamic to be involved in. Be aware of the reasons why people might choose to maintain such relationships, and look out for the signs that your partner might be keeping a backup partner in the picture.
If you suspect that you or your partner is participating in a backburner relationship, then take the time to discuss the situation honestly and openly. Remember that relationships take work, and with a little bit of effort and communication, you can navigate even the trickiest of situations.
Signs Your Partner Has a Backburner Relationship: Watch Out for These Red Flags
Being in a relationship can be one of the most fulfilling experiences you’ll ever have. But sometimes, there can be underlying issues that you’re not aware of.
One of these issues is a backburner relationship. A backburner relationship is when an individual is involved in another “potential” relationship while being in a committed relationship with someone else.
It’s not as uncommon as you might think it is. In fact, several people keep a communication line open with a backburner just in case their current relationship doesn’t work out.
If you’re currently in a relationship with someone and you’re unsure if they’re involved in a backburner relationship, then continue reading as we take a look at some of the most common signs your partner has a backburner relationship.
1. Lack of Solid Plans
If you’re constantly trying to make plans with your partner and they’re always vague or non-committal, this could be a sign that they’re not fully invested in the relationship. Instead, they might be waiting to see what’s going to happen with their other backburner relationships.
2. Talks But Doesn’t Show Love
Another sign of a potential backburner relationship is when your partner is talking about how much they care for you and how much they enjoy being with you, but they don’t take any concrete actions that indicate their love to you. This could be their way of keeping the door open for other relationships.
3. Communication is Infrequent or Delayed
If you’re experiencing infrequent or delayed communication from your partner, this could be an indication of other priorities that they might have, and you’re not their top priority.
4. Constantly Cancelling Plans
If your partner keeps on cancelling plans with you, it could mean that they are always busy with their other backup option. It’s not a good sign of commitment in your current relationship.
5. Disappears with No Explanation
Another indication that your partner might be invested in another person is when they disappear without explanation. It’s important to note that everyone needs personal space and time to themselves, but a lack of communication is concerning.
6. Shows Up Only When They Need Something
Does your partner show up only when they need something from you? Are they only physically present when they can get something from you but then emotionally distant when they don’t?
This is a significant red flag.
7. Allows Things to Happen Only on Their Terms
If you find that everything is happening on their terms in your relationship, then this could indicate that they’re in a backburner relationship. They prioritize their interests and emotions over yours, making it seem like you’re not an equal partner.
8. Doesn’t Invite Partner to Important Events
If they’re not inviting you to essential events, like family gatherings, weddings, or social events, then this could be a significant indication of a backburner relationship.
Dealing with a Backburner Relationship
Now that you know the signs of a backburner relationship, what should you do if you suspect that your partner is involved in one? Here are a few tips:
1. Confront Your Partner About Your Feelings
The first thing you should do if you suspect that something isn’t quite right in your relationship is to talk to your partner about how you’re feeling. Ask them if they’re happy in the relationship and if there’s anything they’d like to change.
Be open and honest about how their behavior makes you feel.
2. Discuss the Signs of a Backburner Relationship
If you know what you’re looking for, it’s easier to identify a backburner relationship. Discuss the signs you’ve seen with your partner and see how they react.
3. Don’t Let Emotions Overcome You
It’s important to stay calm during these conversations. You don’t want your emotions to take over and make an already difficult conversation more complicated.
4. Don’t Expect a Miracle or Tangible Reasons for their Actions
When you confront your partner, don’t expect a miracle or tangible reasons for their actions. It’s possible that they might be confused or have conflicting feelings, but they might not be able to articulate them yet.
5. Consider Counseling to Figure Out Your Next Steps
If you’re struggling to work through issues in your relationship, consider seeking the help of a professional counselor. They can offer an objective perspective and provide you with tools and strategies to work through your problems more effectively.
Conclusion
Maintaining a backburner relationship can be a potential disaster in your current relationship. Remember to watch out for the signs of a backburner relationship and confront your partner about your feelings.
By working closely and honestly with your partner, you might be able to navigate through this situation and strengthen your relationship. And always remember that counseling is a great option, whether you see a professional online or in person.
Communication and understanding are the keys to making a relationship work, and if your partner is invested in your relationship, you can work through problems with patience, understanding, and love. In conclusion, maintaining a backburner relationship while in a committed relationship isn’t healthy for the relationship and could lead to a possible breakup.
It’s essential to identify the common signs of a backburner relationship, such as lack of solid plans, infrequent communication, constantly canceling plans, and not showing up when they are needed. After identifying the signs, you should confront your partner in a calm and collective way.
Counseling can also help you and your partner pinpoint the underlying issues in the relationship and provide you with tools and strategies to work through your problems more effectively. Staying open, honest, and willing to work together is the key to a healthy and successful relationship.
Remember, it’s never too late to work on your relationship before it’s too late.
