Work Spouse: Understanding the Concept and Setting Boundaries
Do you have a work spouse? You know, that one colleague you’re extra close with – the one who sparks a unique platonic connection only work can create?
Maybe you have inside jokes, gossip about the office, or always check-in with each other about the boss’s mood. But have you considered the blurred boundaries this relationship can create?
Let’s dive into the “work spouse” concept, its definition, and the need to establish boundaries.
The Work Spouse Concept
Work Spouses have become a workplace norm, mimicking marriage even if the relationship is entirely platonic. So what are the characteristics of a work spouse?
A work spouse is an American term used to define a colleague with whom one shares a special bond with high levels of disclosure and support. It’s a non-sexual and non-romantic relationship that involves exclusivity, mutual trust, honesty, loyalty, and respect.
In a way, a work spouse is like the Yin to your Yang – both bring an equilibrium to each other’s professional and personal lives. Your work spouse is your confidante, your sounding board, a listening ear amidst the chaos, and offers emotional and mental support where needed.
The Need for Boundaries
While the concept may sound idyllic, it’s essential to acknowledge the complications that can arise. It’s crucial to differentiate between innocent friendship and an undeniable sexual spark.
When situations get muddled, the dynamics of your relationship can weaken, leading to a breach in your partnership that could ultimately damage your overall work-life balance. At worst, having trouble with your work spouse could affect your work performance.
For example, if you and your partner have a terrible row, fellow workers may feel uncomfortable with the intensity and souring of your relationship. The workplace environment may no longer feel safe and secure, especially if the work spouse relationship was something that many others in the office admired and envied.
Establishing Work Wife Boundaries
Before setting boundaries, it’s important to understand the workplace rules regarding relationships. Some workplace cultures and policies forbid romantic relationships in the office, even if the relationships are consensual and between adults.
Therefore, it’s crucial to decide with your work spouse where certain hypothetical lines lie to avoid problematic scenarios from arising.
Examples of Boundaries:
- Be mindful of physical touch with scanty objects that some co-workers could interpret as inappropriate.
- Be wary of personal jokes that only people in your work spouse relationship will understand. These can create feelings of exclusion towards fellow coworkers.
- If you or your work spouse are in a committed relationship, avoid discussing your relationship status or sharing intimate secrets with your colleague. – Keep your work spouse relationship clear-headed of anything sexual or romantic.
- Be honest, respect each other’s boundaries, and communicate openly about new ones that need to be put in place.
Closing Thoughts
The dynamics of a work spouse can create a beautiful thing, but it’s essential to maintain boundaries in the relationship. Not only can breaching these boundaries hurt your work-life balance, but it could also cause irreplaceable damage to your non-work relationships and the respect that you’ve built up in your professional capacity.
So, if you haven’t yet, have a conversation with your work spouse. Be upfront and honest, keep an open mind, and establish a work spouse relationship that brings balance without causing trouble.
And always remember, you still need to keep the workspace professional, no matter how close your partnership with a work spouse may be.
3) Signs You Have a Work Spouse
Do you have a lunch buddy at work with whom you can’t imagine lunch without? Or maybe a colleague whom you share an exclusive bond of inside jokes and micro-surprises?
If yes, you might have a work spouse. Here are a few signs that prove that you have one:
1. Lunch Buddies
One of the most important signs of having a work spouse is having lunch together every day. You may not have planned it initially, but you soon found that you no longer need to save a seat or look for a lunch companion.
2. Inside Jokes Galore
You and your work spouse share an exclusive bond of understanding that goes beyond spoken words.
With a simple nod or eye expression, you convey and understand messages that no one else in the office can.
3. Emotional Support
You can count on your work spouse to make your day better, making those dreary days at work a little more bearable. Whether it’s venting about your terrible boss, sharing good news, or offering a listening ear, your work spouse always has your back.
4. Micro Surprises and Gifts Exchange
You and your work spouse have an intricate understanding of each other’s likes and dislikes, making gifting even more special.
You surprise each other with small gestures and know little details about each other, from how they take their coffee to their favorite snacks.
5. Human Memory Card
Your work spouse knows important occasions and events, reminding you never to forget an important anniversary or deadline. They know every detail about you, making them a trusted confidant within the office environment.
4) Signs Your Work Wife is Taking Over Your Life
While having a work spouse can be a vital source of support in the office, it’s essential to draw the line between personal and professional life. Here are some signs that your work spouse might be taking over your life:
1. Declining Productivity
If spending time with your work spouse has become more important than meeting work deadlines, it’s a sign that your work-life balance has tipped. You feel less motivated at work and even the slightest look from your boss causes a panic attack.
2. When It Gets Personal
If you start feeling attraction towards your work spouse, it’s time to draw the line.
Strong attraction and intimacy towards your colleague can be a problem that can lead to blurred boundaries between personal and professional lives. Don’t let your work spouse become a work wife with benefits.
3. The Burden of the Average Performer
If your work spouse’s influence on you is dragging you down, you may need to re-evaluate your relationship.
Rather than elevating you, they may be turning you into an average performer.
4. The Lone Ranger
When you become solely dependent on your work spouse, you’ll be cut off from other colleagues and be incapable of networking and team building. It’s essential to maintain relationships with people beyond your work spouse.
5. The Late-Night Calls
If your relationship with your work spouse extends beyond the doors of the office, into late-night calls and messages, it’s an indication that you’ve crossed the boundaries of being strictly work friends.
Avoid turning your work spouse into a work spouse with benefits.
6. The One-Sided Attraction Problem
If there are unrequited feelings between you and your work spouse, it can quickly transform from a simple office friendship into an awkward and uncomfortable situation. Make sure you communicate clearly to avoid any emotional or romantic turn of events that could cost you more than a professional relationship.
7. All Jumbled Up
If you’re unable to compartmentalize your personal and work relationships, work-life balance can snowball into bigger problems.
8. Isolation from Friends and Family
If you’re blocked out from your friends and family and have no other relationships at work besides your work spouse, it’s time to reevaluate the situation.
It’s essential to have boundaries and maintain a social life beyond your work spouse.
Closing Thoughts
While having a work spouse can be supportive and a unique bond, it’s important not to let it take over your personal and professional life. Keep the boundaries clear, and don’t let it spill over into a work wife with benefits situation.
Remember that your network should extend beyond your work spouse, and never let your work performance take a back seat to the relationship. A work spouse can be a crucial support system, but it’s important to realize that it’s still a professional environment and maintaining healthy boundaries is vital for a thriving work-life balance.
In conclusion, having a work spouse can be beneficial, and it’s essential to establish boundaries to prevent it from negatively affecting your personal and professional life. A lot of the signs that your work spouse is taking over can be detrimental to your productivity and work performance, but it is possible to have a work spouse and maintain a work-life balance.
Communication is key, and it’s important to identify the signs to ensure you don’t let your relationship with your work spouse interfere with other aspects of your life. Ultimately, a work spouse can be a valuable relationship in the workplace, but it’s important to recognize where to draw the line and maintain proper boundaries.
