How to Spot a Narcissist in a Relationship
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who seemed too good to be true? Someone who showered you with praise and attention, but then turned out to be controlling and manipulative?
It might be that you were in a relationship with a narcissist. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a condition that affects around 6% of the population.
People with NPD have an overly inflated sense of self-worth and a grandiose sense of self-importance. They have delusions of grandeur and feel entitled to constant admiration and validation.
Signs and Symptoms of NPD
- Grandiose sense of self-importance: Narcissists believe that they are better than everyone else and they crave attention and admiration from others.
- Delusions of grandeur: Narcissists often exaggerate their achievements and abilities, even if they have no real evidence to back them up.
- Need constant validation and entitlement: Narcissists are always seeking validation from others, and they feel entitled to special treatment.
- Exploit and bullies others: Narcissists will take advantage of others to get what they want, often resorting to bullying and manipulation.
Common Relationship Patterns for Narcissists
- Overly romantic: Narcissists often sweep their partners off their feet with grand romantic gestures, but they can quickly become controlling and manipulative once the relationship is established.
- Controlling and manipulative: Narcissists like to be in control of their partner’s every move and will use manipulation tactics to get what they want.
- Dangerous: Narcissists can become aggressive and violent if they do not get their way or feel like they are losing control.
- Devalue their ex: Narcissists will often devalue their ex-partners once the relationship is over, blaming them for the problems in the relationship and refusing to take responsibility for their own actions. Now that you know how to spot a narcissist in a relationship, let’s talk about how they often deceive their partners.
Expectations of Love
We all grew up with fairy tales and stories about princes and princesses finding happily ever after. We are taught to believe in love at first sight and the idea that there is one perfect person out there for us.
But in reality, relationships are much more complicated than that.
Deception by Narcissists
Narcissists are pathological liars, and they will often use deception to manipulate their partners. Here are some common ways they might do this:
- Overinflated self-worth: Narcissists often exaggerate their importance and achievements to make themselves seem more desirable.
- Piggybacking off others: Narcissists might attach themselves to successful or wealthy partners to boost their own status.
- Circumstantial evidence: Narcissists will often use circumstantial evidence to support their position, even if it is not relevant to the situation at hand.
- Attracting partners: Narcissists are skilled at using charm and flattery to attract partners and make them feel special.
So, how can you protect yourself from a narcissistic partner?
Tips to Protect Yourself
- Watch for red flags: Pay attention to any signs of over-the-top flattery or controlling behavior.
- Don’t ignore your gut feelings: If something feels off, it’s ok to trust your instincts and take a step back.
- Set boundaries: Be clear about your own boundaries and make sure your partner respects them.
- Get support: If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it can be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate the relationship.
In summary, narcissists can be dangerous and deceptive partners, so it’s important to know how to spot the signs and protect yourself from their manipulative tactics. By staying aware of your own boundaries and seeking support when needed, you can avoid falling into a toxic relationship with a narcissist.
Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship built on trust and respect, not one based on manipulation and control. Narcissists are known to exhibit patterns of control over a romantic partner, often manipulating their partner to fulfill their every whim.
These patterns of control can range from romantic pursuit to outright manipulation and isolation from friends and family members.
Patterns of Narcissistic Control
1. Romantic Pursuit
At the beginning of the relationship, a narcissist can be passionate and attentive.
They often believe that they deserve the best, so they put a lot of effort into pursuing their partner. A narcissist may shower their partner with lavish gifts, love letters, and romantic gestures.
They may also push for quick commitment, usually, without an in-depth exploration of one another’s personalities. The narcissist relies on the excitement and rush of the new relationship almost as a way to ease any insecurities they may have.
2. Manipulation and Control
Once a narcissist has their partner hooked, their focus shifts to molding their partner into the perfect slave” or, rather, making them conform to their rules or desires.
The narcissist will often try to isolate their partner from their family and friends, so they become dependent on the narcissist for emotional support, often due to a sense of entitlement. They might imply that their partner’s family and friends are ‘toxic,’ ‘jealous,’ or ‘feel threatened by the relationship.
To gain a further sense of dominance or control, the narcissist will discredit any influence outside of themselves and convince their partner to do the same. Eventually, the narcissist controls the flow of information in and out of the relationship ensuring that everything has a positive spin and conforms to their opinions.
If the partner resists such control, the narcissist may use underhanded means to regain control, such as emotional manipulation, constant criticism, or ridicule.
The Aftermath of Narcissistic Relationships
1. Devaluation of Exes
Not only are narcissists capable of causing damage to their partner during a relationship, but they can also cause significant harm after the relationship ends.
Narcissists commonly devalue their exes by treating them like discarded trash. They might destroy the ex-partners personal possessions or attack their career.
In some cases, the narcissist might disclose secrets shared in confidence or even go as far as cheating. The devaluation is often fueled by a need to blame the partner for the relationship’s failure, stripping themselves of any accountability.
2. Moving On
As the narcissistic devaluation of the ex-partner winds down, a narcissist might start looking for a new target.
People with a high risk of being targeted during this phase include individuals who fit the idealized ‘perfect’ height, profession, or shape. The relationship pattern can start anew, with a passionate romantic pursuit like the first time.
Alternatively, the narcissist will lift their ex up as an unreachable model, highlighting the ex-partner’s best traits and putting them on a pedestal, often with regret over the loss of the relationship.
Dealing with Narcissistic Relationships
The process of healing and rebuilding after a narcissistic relationship is hard work, but it is worth it. Caring for oneself and investing in oneself is one of the best methods of healing from a traumatic experience.
This could involve self-discovery through learning or investing in personal interests, or it can involve weekly therapy sessions. It’s also helpful to surround yourself with positive, supportive people, rather than maintaining contact with those who gaslighted, betrayed, devalued and verbally abused you.
Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor is highly recommended, as they can assist in the healing process. It is important to realize and understand that the abuse was not your fault and that true happiness and love are attainable when the time is right.
In conclusion, patterns of narcissistic control are dangerous and damaging, while the aftermath is challenging and painful. However, individuals should remember that healing is possible, and it is vital to surround oneself with positive support to move forward.
The journey of dealing with narcissistic personality disorder in a relationship can be a challenging and emotional one. Understanding the signs and symptoms of NPD is crucial to protect oneself from potential exploitation and devaluation.
Narcissists often establish patterns of control and manipulation to mold their partner to fit their desires. The aftermath can be equally challenging, with the narcissist often devaluing their ex-partner and moving onto new relationships.
However, by seeking professional help, surrounding oneself with positive support, and healing through self-discovery, individuals can overcome the trauma inflicted by a narcissistic relationship. Taking care of oneself after such an experience can lead to a fulfilled life of true love and happiness.
