Understanding and Navigating Unicorn Polyamory
Have you ever heard of the term “unicorn polyamory”? This type of relationship may be unfamiliar to some, but it’s becoming more and more popular among people who identify as non-monogamous.
So what exactly is unicorn polyamory?
In essence, unicorn polyamory involves an existing couple seeking out a third partner, often a bisexual woman, to join in their relationship.
This third person is sometimes referred to as a “unicorn”, because they are a rare and elusive addition to the dynamic.
Rules of Unicorn Polyamory
If you’re part of a unicorn polyamorous relationship, there are often certain ground rules in place to ensure that everyone’s needs are met. The primary partner (or couple) always comes first, with the secondary partner (the unicorn) being added to the existing dynamic.
This can create a hierarchy, which some people might find problematic.
But don’t worry, there are ways to prevent this hierarchical dynamic from becoming an issue.
One way is to establish clear and open communication from the very beginning. This means setting ground rules and boundaries that all parties agree on.
It’s also important for the primary couple to recognize the worth and value of the secondary partner. The unicorn should feel like an equal and respected member of the relationship, and not just a sexual object that’s been added for the couple’s benefit.
Signs You Might Be a Unicorn in a Poly Relationship
Are you considering becoming a unicorn in a polyamorous relationship? Here are some signs that this might be a good fit for you:
Joining an Established Couple
If you’re interested in exploring a threesome or other form of non-monogamy, but don’t want to navigate the complexities of dating multiple people at once, being a unicorn could be the perfect solution. By joining an existing couple, you can have the sexual experiences you desire without worrying about the emotional labor of building new relationships.
Just Getting Started with Polyamory
For some heterosexual, monogamous couples, adding a third partner can be a way to dip their toes into the world of polyamory.
If you’re a bisexual woman who is attracted to both members of the couple, you could be a great fit for this type of relationship.
Focusing Only on Sex
While sex is an important part of any polyamorous relationship, it’s not the only thing that matters. If you find that the couple you’re involved with is only interested in having threesomes and not interested in having meaningful conversations or developing romantic connections, it might be time to reevaluate your role in the relationship.
Problematic Ground Rules
Sometimes, couples who are interested in unicorn polyamory may have problematic ground rules in place.
For example, they might be looking for a relationship with a third, but not interested in forming a real emotional connection. If you find that the rules of the relationship are restrictive or don’t align with your own values, it’s important to speak up and advocate for what you need.
Always Having a Threesome
While having a threesome can be an exciting experience, it shouldn’t be the only thing that happens in your relationship.
If you feel like you’re always an addition to the two and not valued as an individual, it might be time to have a conversation about your role in the dynamic.
Lacking Emotional Investment
When you’re part of a polyamorous relationship, you’re not just having sex with multiple people – you’re also forming meaningful emotional connections. If you find that you’re not getting the emotional intimacy and investment you need from your partners, it might be time to move on.
Clinginess Towards Each Other
Sometimes, couples in unicorn polyamorous relationships can be overly protective of each other.
This might mean displaying excessive public affection or treating you like an outsider. If this is the case, it’s important to assert your boundaries and advocate for your own needs in the relationship.
Ignoring Your Opinions
In any relationship, it’s important for all parties to have equal say and control.
If you find that the couple you’re involved with is dominant and dismissive of your opinions, it might be time to walk away.
Isolation From Inner Circle
Part of being in a successful polyamorous relationship is social compatibility. If you find that you’re never invited to dinner parties or get-togethers with the couple’s inner circle, it’s worth having a conversation to see if there’s a reason for this exclusion.
Feeling Like an Accessory
Ultimately, the most important thing in any relationship is feeling valued and respected as a unique individual.
If you find that you’re being treated as an “additive” or part of the dynamic whole, it might be time to reassess your role in the relationship.
Navigating unicorn polyamory can be challenging, but with clear communication, respect for boundaries, and a willingness to advocate for your needs, it can also be a rewarding and fulfilling experience.
Remember, just because you’re a unicorn doesn’t mean you have to be a magical creature that only exists to fulfill the desires of the existing couple – you are valuable and deserving of love and respect in your own right.
What to Do if You’re a Unicorn in a Poly Relationship
So, you’ve decided to become a unicorn in a polyamorous relationship – now what?
Here are some tips to help you navigate this unique dynamic:
Communication is Key
As with any relationship, open communication is crucial to navigating unicorn polyamory.
Before getting involved, make sure that you and the couple you’re interested in have compatible goals and expectations. Consider discussing agreements and promises that all parties agree on, such as the frequency of meetings, roles, and boundaries.
It’s also important to be transparent about your feelings and desires. Avoid bottling up your emotions out of fear of causing conflict, as this can lead to resentment and eventually the collapse of the relationship.
It can also be helpful to have regular check-ins where you can express your concerns and talk through any issues that arise. Ultimately, a successful unicorn polyamorous relationship requires communication that is consistent, respectful, and honest.
Prioritizing Yourself
As much as you may care about the couple you’re involved with, it’s important to prioritize your own needs and desires.
Set clear boundaries and stick to them. Make sure that you are communicating your boundaries and desires clearly and standing up for yourself if they are being disregarded.
Additionally, invest in self-care. Take time for yourself and do things that make you happy and fulfilled.
Whether it’s reading a book, going for a run, or spending time with friends, prioritizing your own needs will allow you to be happier and more fulfilled within the relationship.
Seeking Counseling
Despite best efforts, unicorn polyamorous relationships can have moments of emotional turbulence. Counseling can be a valuable tool to help work through any issues that arise, and to strengthen emotional bonds.
While individual therapy can certainly be helpful, couples therapy may be a more effective option for unicorn polyamorous relationships. A licensed counselor can help to maintain a healthy and respectful relationship by teaching communication and negotiation skills.
Commonly Asked Questions
With the rise of non-monogamous relationships, here are some of the most commonly asked questions about polyamory:
Q: How long do polyamorous relationships last?
A: Polyamorous relationships can range from short-term flings to long-term partnerships that span many years.
Some couples have reported successful and fulfilling relationships that have lasted up to eight years.
Q: Are poly relationships healthy?
A: Polyamorous relationships are healthy as long as all parties are consenting, honest, and communicative. Just like in monogamous relationships, it is crucial to prioritize the emotional and physical health of all parties involved.
In conclusion, unicorn polyamory is a unique and complex dynamic that requires open communication, respect for boundaries, and a willingness to prioritize individual needs. As a unicorn in a polyamorous relationship, it’s important to prioritize self-care while also investing effort into emotional intimacy with partners.
Remember there are rules to follow, and the primary couple always comes first, but the unicorn in the relationship deserves the same respect and consideration as everyone else. By prioritizing open communication, prioritizing oneself, and seeking counseling if needed, unicorn polyamory can be a fulfilling and successful part of a non-monogamous lifestyle.
Ultimately, the most important thing is to remember that all parties involved are individuals deserving of love, respect, and care.
