Attachment Styles: Understanding Anxious Preoccupied Attachment
Have you ever wondered why you struggle with forming healthy relationships or have constant anxiety when it comes to opening up emotionally to others? You may have an anxious preoccupied attachment style.
Attachment styles are patterns of behavior and emotions that form in early childhood and carry over into adulthood. There are three main attachment styles: secure, anxious preoccupied, and avoidant.
In this article, we will focus on anxious preoccupied attachment and how it affects our relationships. What is Anxious Preoccupied Attachment?
Anxious preoccupied attachment is characterized by a fear of rejection and a constant need for reassurance from others. People with this attachment style struggle with low self-worth, a fear of abandonment, and difficulty trusting others.
They are often clingy and exhibit whiny behavior, constantly seeking attention and validation from others.
Causes of Anxious Preoccupied Attachment
Anxious preoccupied attachment typically stems from inconsistent parenting or emotionally distant caregivers. When caregivers are unpredictable or unavailable, children may develop an anxious preoccupied attachment style as a way to cope with the fear of abandonment and rejection.
Behaviors Associated with Anxious Preoccupied Attachment
Children with an anxious preoccupied attachment style may exhibit clingy behavior and constantly seek attention and validation from their caregivers. As they grow into adulthood, they may struggle with forming healthy relationships and experience a constant fear of rejection.
Common Signs of Anxious Preoccupied Attachment
In adulthood, people with an anxious preoccupied attachment style often struggle with low self-worth and a fear of rejection. They may have difficulty trusting others and feel excessively dependent on their partners for validation.
- Constant need for reassurance – People with anxious preoccupied attachment may constantly seek reassurance from their partners to feel secure in the relationship.
- Extreme clinginess- They feel a need to physically connect with their partner frequently.
- Self-doubt – People with an anxious preoccupied attachment style struggle with low self-worth and may doubt their own ability to maintain a healthy relationship.
- Need for control- They may feel the need to control their partner’s behavior to manage their anxiety and fear of abandonment.
Overcoming Anxious Preoccupied Attachment
If you identify with the anxious preoccupied attachment style, know that it is possible to develop a secure attachment style. Here are some tips to help you overcome your anxious preoccupied attachment.
- Practice self-care- Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself such as exercise or hobbies.
- Communicate your needs- Be honest about your feelings and what you need from your partner to feel secure in the relationship.
- Develop self-trust – Trust in your own intuition and ability to self-soothe when feeling anxious.
- Seek professional help – therapy can help you work through past traumas to help develop coping mechanisms to overcome anxious attachment.
Effects of Anxious Preoccupied Attachment in Relationships
Anxious preoccupied attachment style can have a significant impact on our relationships. Fear of abandonment and the need for constant reassurance can cause us to prioritize our partner’s needs at the expense of our own.
In addition, we may experience conflicts and stress in our relationships due to overwhelming emotions and emotional manipulation.
Anxious Preoccupied Attachment in Relationships
People with an anxious preoccupied attachment style tend to prioritize their partner’s needs above their own. This can lead to an unhealthy imbalance in the relationship, where one person is always giving and the other is always taking.
People with this attachment style may also struggle with intimacy, fearing that they will be rejected if they open up emotionally to their partners.
Conflicts and Stress in Relationships
Anxious preoccupied attachment style can also lead to conflicts and stress in relationships. The overwhelming behavior associated with this attachment style can be emotionally exhausting for both partners.
People with this attachment style may lash out or manipulate their partner when feeling anxious or insecure. This can cause emotional distance in the relationship and a lack of trust between partners.
Attachment Style and Personal Development
Anxious preoccupied attachment style can also affect our personal development. People with this attachment style tend to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms like co-dependency, substance abuse, or negative self-talk that can lead to negative views of themselves.
Strategies to Overcome Anxious Preoccupied Attachment
Fortunately, it is possible to overcome anxious preoccupied attachment style and develop healthy relationships. Here are some strategies to try:
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a powerful tool for detaching from overpowering emotions and regaining control over our thoughts. When we practice mindfulness, we develop an awareness of our thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations without judgment.
With this awareness, we can learn to observe our anxious thoughts and let them go without reacting to them.
Communication
Clear communication is essential to building healthy relationships. People with anxious preoccupied attachment style should try to communicate their needs clearly and assertively without resorting to manipulation or passive-aggressive behavior.
They should also listen actively and validate their partner’s feelings, even if they do not agree.
Focusing on Oneself
Focusing on oneself is another strategy for overcoming anxious preoccupied attachment style. Developing interests and hobbies that bring joy and fulfillment can reduce anxiety about the partner leaving.
When we are happy and fulfilled within ourselves, we are less dependent on others for validation and security.
Accepting and Expressing Feelings
People with anxious preoccupied attachment style should accept and express their feelings in a healthy way. Instead of suppressing emotions, it is important to validate them and find healthy outlets to express them.
Trying outlets like journaling or art or dance can help you better understand your emotions and feel more at ease with them.
Strategies to Help a Partner with Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style
If you have a partner with anxious preoccupied attachment style, you know how challenging it can be to support them. Here are some strategies that can help you with this.
Understanding Attachment Styles
The first step in helping your partner with anxious preoccupied attachment style is to familiarize yourself with its traits and how it manifests in behavior. Recognizing the signs of this attachment style will allow you to be more compassionate and understanding.
Use of Boundaries
Setting boundaries is important when you are in a relationship with someone with anxious preoccupied attachment style. It can help reduce the need for constant reassurance and establish clear lines of communication.
For example, you can set aside specific times for connecting with your partner, so they are not always seeking attention or reassurance throughout the day.
Building Trust
Building trust with a partner who has anxious preoccupied attachment style involves being reliable and consistently following through on promises. You can set realistic expectations for your relationship and communicate how you intend to follow through on them.
Making the Partner Feel Secure
Supporting a partner with anxious preoccupied attachment style means making them feel secure in the relationship. Providing them with attention, being present, and clear communication can go a long way in building their confidence.
Joint Therapy
Joint therapy is an option for couples struggling in their relationships. A mental health professional can help you address issues together and learn more about anxious preoccupied attachment style.
Attachment Styles and Their Development
Attachment theory is a psychological model developed by John Bowlby to explain the dynamic of child-parent relationships and how these early relationships affect mental health. Attachment styles are patterns of behaviors and emotions that develop in childhood and persist into adulthood.
There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious preoccupied, avoidant, and disorganized.
Secure Attachment Style
A secure attachment style is associated with positive experiences in childhood, such as emotional connection and comfort from caregivers. People with a secure attachment style feel confident in themselves, their relationships, and their ability to communicate with their partner.
Insecure Attachment Styles
Anxious preoccupied and avoidant attachment styles are known as insecure attachment styles because they affect the way a person interacts with others.
Avoidant Attachment Style
People with avoidant attachment style typically avoid emotional intimacy and may struggle with communicating their feelings. They tend to be independent and act as though they do not need others.
Anxious Attachment Style
People with an anxious attachment style may feel a strong need for emotional intimacy, but they may be wary of rejection. They often experience feelings of insecurity and need reassurance from their partner.
Disorganized Attachment Style
Disorganized attachment style is less common than the other three attachment styles. It arises from inconsistent or abusive parenting or caregiver relationships.
People with disorganized attachment style have an inconsistent way of interacting with others and struggle with trust and emotional intimacy. Fearful-
Avoidant Attachment Style
The fearful-avoidant attachment style may develop after traumatic experiences, such as abuse.
People with this attachment style experience a strong desire for emotional intimacy, but their fear of being hurt may cause them to avoid intimacy altogether.
Conclusion
Attachment styles have a significant impact on our relationships and mental health. Understanding the signs, setting boundaries, building trust, making the partner feel secure, and joint therapy are all strategies that can help you support your partner with anxious preoccupied attachment style.
Developing a secure attachment style through positive experiences in childhood and healthy coping mechanisms helps build healthier relationships in adulthood. Overall, understanding attachment styles is essential in building healthy relationships and promoting good mental health.
Anxious preoccupied attachment style can affect our personal development, cause conflicts in relationships, and lead to negative behaviors. However, by familiarizing ourselves with the traits of this attachment style, setting healthy boundaries, building trust, making the partner feel secure and seeking joint therapy, we can overcome it and develop fulfilling relationships.
Gaining awareness and taking steps to develop a secure attachment style through positive experiences, good communication, and healthy coping mechanisms is key to creating meaningful connections with others and promoting mental and emotional wellbeing.
