Hysterical Bonding after Cheating: Understanding and Overcoming It
Have you ever heard about hysterical bonding? It’s a term coined by sex therapist Michele Weiner-Davis, which refers to the intense and almost obsessive sexual desire that the betrayed partner feels after discovering infidelity.
If you’ve experienced this phenomenon, you’re not alone. Hysterical bonding is a common reaction to infidelity, and it can be both confusing and overwhelming.
In this article, we’ll explore the definition and signs of hysterical bonding, the reasons why it happens, and how to overcome it and move forward with your relationship. What is Hysterical Bonding?
Hysterical bonding is a coping mechanism that some betrayed partners use to process the shock and pain of discovering infidelity. It’s characterized by an intense desire for sex and sexual experimentation with the cheating partner.
The betrayed partner may feel a mix of conflicting emotions, including self-doubt, anger, and desperation. They may also be seeking validation and reassurance from their partner, as well as trying to reclaim the intimacy that was lost due to the cheating.
Signs of Hysterical Bonding
Are you experiencing the following symptoms after discovering infidelity? If so, you may be going through hysterical bonding:
- Constantly thinking about your partner and their affair
- Doubting your self-worth and attractiveness
- Obsessively forgiving your partner and making excuses for their behavior
- Feeling desperate for sexual attention from your partner
- Experimenting with new sexual activities with your partner
- Wanting to prove your sexual desirability to your partner
- Becoming possessive and jealous of your partner
If you recognize any of these signs in yourself, it’s important to understand that they are normal reactions to infidelity and that you’re not alone.
However, it’s also important to take steps to overcome these feelings and heal from the betrayal.
Overcoming Hysterical Bonding
While hysterical bonding may provide temporary relief and a sense of intimacy, it’s not a healthy way to cope with infidelity in the long term. Here are some steps you can take to overcome hysterical bonding and move forward in your relationship:
1. Take Time to Process Your Emotions
It’s crucial to allow yourself to feel and process the full range of emotions that come with discovering infidelity. This may include anger, sadness, betrayal, and confusion.
Seek support from a therapist, a trusted friend, or a support group. Talk about your emotions and experiences, and don’t suppress or dismiss them.
This is an important step in healing and moving forward.
2. Work on Your Self-Esteem
One of the main reasons why people experience hysterical bonding is their low self-esteem. They may believe that the cheating happened because of something they did or didn’t do.
It’s important to remind yourself that the cheating was not your fault, and that your self-worth does not depend on your partner’s fidelity. Practice self-care, engage in hobbies or activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and surround yourself with positive people who uplift you.
3. Focus on the End Goal
What is your end goal for the relationship?
Are you committed to working things out with your partner, or do you want to end the relationship? Whatever your decision is, focus on the end goal and work towards it.
This may involve setting boundaries, rebuilding trust, and communicating openly and honestly with your partner. Remember that the healing process takes time, and it’s different for everyone.
Causes of Hysterical Bonding
Now that we’ve discussed how to overcome hysterical bonding, let’s take a look at some of the reasons why it happens in the first place:
1. Processing the Infidelity
For some betrayed partners, processing the infidelity involves sexual intimacy with their partner.
They may want to reconnect with their partner on a physical level and to re-establish the emotional connection that was lost during the affair.
2. Believing Impressive Sex Life is Key to Commitment
Some people believe that having a satisfying sex life is the cornerstone of a committed relationship. They may feel that by engaging in sexual experimentation with their partner, they can cement their bond and prove their commitment.
3. Finding Partner Very Desirable
If you find your partner very desirable and attractive, discovering their infidelity may trigger a strong desire to be with them sexually.
You may want to reclaim your partner and re-establish your sexual connection.
4. Attributing Infidelity to Something Done
Sometimes, the betrayed partner believes that the cheating happened because of something they did or didn’t do. They may feel guilty or responsible for the affair, and they may hope that by engaging in sexual intimacy with their partner, they can make up for their perceived mistakes.
5. Need to “Claim Back” Beloved
When someone you love cheats, it can feel as though they have invaded your territory and marked their territory by having sex with someone else.
In response, you may feel a strong urge to claim back your partner and mark your own territory through sexual intimacy.
Conclusion
Hysterical bonding is a common reaction to infidelity, and it can be confusing and overwhelming for the betrayed partner. However, it’s important to understand that these feelings are normal and that you’re not alone.
By taking steps to overcome hysterical bonding and to heal from the betrayal, you can move forward with your relationship, whether that means working things out with your partner or ending the relationship. Remember that the healing process takes time, and it’s important to be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself as you navigate through this difficult experience.
Coping with Hysterical Bonding: Strategies for Healing and Moving Forward
Hysterical bonding is a common response to discovering infidelity, and while it may provide a temporary sense of emotional connection and physical satisfaction, it can also be a sign of deeper issues in the relationship. If you find yourself experiencing hysterical bonding, it’s important to take steps to cope and heal, both for your own personal growth and the health of the relationship.
In this article, we’ll explore some coping strategies for dealing with hysterical bonding.
Processing Emotions
The first step in coping with hysterical bonding is processing the emotions that come with discovering infidelity. This may include feelings of betrayal, confusion, sadness, and anger.
It’s important to give yourself time and space to feel and express these emotions, whether that means talking to a friend or therapist, journaling, or finding other creative outlets. If you’re struggling to cope with the emotions on your own, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.
A therapist or counselor trained in working with couples dealing with infidelity can help you process your feelings in a safe and supportive environment. Remember that forgiveness is a personal choice, and it’s okay if it takes time to get to that point.
Focus on Self-Care
Self-care is crucial when coping with hysterical bonding. Make yourself a priority and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, whether that means reading, practicing yoga, going for a walk, or spending time with friends and family.
Focus on mindfulness exercises to help you stay present in the moment and avoid getting caught up in negative thoughts or anxious feelings. This can include deep breathing, meditation, or visualization exercises.
Consider Forgiving Yourself First
It’s easy to get caught up in blaming the cheating partner for the infidelity, but it’s important to remember that blaming yourself can be equally damaging. Consider practicing self-forgiveness as a way to release negative emotions and focus on personal growth.
This means letting go of self-blame and focusing on taking responsibility for your own happiness and well-being.
Take Time Apart
It may be helpful to take time apart from your partner to process your emotions and figure out what you want from the relationship moving forward. This can be a difficult step, but it’s important to give yourself the space to figure out what you need.
Consider taking a weekend getaway or solo trip to reflect on your feelings and prioritize your own needs.
Consider Psychotherapy
If you’re struggling to cope with hysterical bonding or process your emotions, consider seeking the help of a trained therapist or mental health professional. A psychotherapist can provide a safe and supportive environment for you to explore your feelings, identify coping mechanisms, and work through relationship challenges.
This can be a powerful tool for personal growth and relationship building.
Importance of Overcoming Hysterical Bonding
While hysterical bonding may provide temporary relief and a sense of emotional connection, it’s important to overcome it in order to build a healthy relationship moving forward.
Coping strategies such as focusing on self-care, processing emotions, and seeking professional help can help you move past the initial shock of discovering infidelity and begin the healing process. Remember that everyone copes with infidelity in their own way, and there is no right or wrong way to deal with hysterical bonding.
However, prioritizing your own well-being and taking steps to heal and move forward can help you grow stronger both as an individual and as a partner. Stay open to new experiences, prioritize your own needs, and be patient with yourself as you navigate through the healing process.
In conclusion, dealing with hysterical bonding can be challenging, but with the right strategies, it is possible to move forward and build a stronger relationship. Processing emotions, focusing on self-care, forgiving yourself, taking time apart, and seeking professional help are all effective ways to cope with this phenomenon.
Remember that healing takes time and patience, but the effort you put in can lead to personal growth and stronger relationships. By prioritizing your own well-being and taking steps to overcome hysterical bonding, you can set yourself on a journey towards a happy and fulfilling future.
