Arranged marriages are deeply ingrained in Indian culture, with families traditionally having the final say on who their children marry. While the idea of marrying someone chosen by your family might seem antiquated to some, arranged marriages are still a common practice in India.
In this article, we’ll talk about some of the most important questions to ask in an arranged marriage, as well as explore the newer trends of self-arranged and semi-arranged marriages.
Importance of Arranged Marriage Questions
In traditional arranged marriages, families are typically looking for a partner for their child who is financially and educationally equal to them. While these factors are important, they don’t necessarily guarantee a successful marriage.
That’s where the importance of arranged marriage questions comes into the picture.
1. Financial and Educational Parity
It’s important to have a partner whose financial situation is similar to yours, to avoid any future differences. Similarly, educational parity can ensure compatibility.
2. Compatibility
Consulting your potential partner about their interests, hobbies, career goals, and travel preferences can give a glimpse of their personality, aiding in compatibility.
3. 5-Year Plan
Asking about your partner’s long-term goals can allow you to assess whether they align with yours.
4. Family and Kids
Talking with your partner about your families and whether or not to have kids is crucial before making a decision.
5. Compromises and Living Arrangements
Having discussions around how you will split household chores and your living arrangement preference.
Self-Arranged and Semi-Arranged Marriages
While traditionally arranged marriages are still prevalent in India, there is a growing trend of self-arranged and semi-arranged marriages. Self-arranged marriages involve meeting a potential partner through online dating or at an event, while semi-arranged marriages involve families playing a smaller role than in a traditional arranged marriage.
1. Online Dating
With the advent of technology, online dating has become the go-to way for many in seeking a partner.
2. Family Friends
Going through a family friend or well-known acquaintance to find a partner is another way of self-arranging a marriage.
3. Indian Marriage Traditions
Traditional Indian marriage events like Swayamvar or Haldi ceremonies are still prevalent and serve as a platform for single individuals to meet up and socialize.
The Importance of Arranged Marriage Questions in Self-Arranged and Semi-Arranged Marriages
While arranged marriages are still prevalent, self-arranged and semi-arranged marriages are gaining popularity due to the desire for more autonomy in choosing a partner. In these kinds of marriages, the onus to ask the right questions falls squarely on the individuals.
1. Compatibility
Compatibility remains a crucial aspect in any form of marriage, including self-arranged or semi-arranged marriages.
Questions around emotional and psychological similarities, values, and character can help make this assessment easier.
2. Value System
It’s essential to be aware of each other’s value system as there could be many cultural and ethnic differences among individuals.
Conclusion
Arranged marriages may seem like a thing of the past, but they are still very much prevalent in Indian culture. With the advent of online dating and social media, the newer trends of self-arranged and semi-arranged marriages are gaining popularity.
The importance of asking the right questions remains quintessential, whether in traditional or new-age forms of marriages. By asking these questions, individuals can ensure that they have chosen a partner that will be compatible with them and their values, leading to a happy and successful marriage.
3) Relationship Priorities and Compatibility
Arranged marriages commonly occur in traditional Indian society, often as a result of family influence. The pressure to get married often overshadows the importance of assessing compatibility, leading to regret and potential friction in the future.
It is essential to examine if your potential partners’ priorities and principles are in line with yours before committing to a life together.
1. Major Life Goals
Discussing major life goals such as aspirations, financial goals, and plans, sets the foundation for the future. It is crucial to know whether your potential partner’s long-term goals align with yours.
This discussion can help identify potential conflicts in the future.
2. Principles
Fundamental principles play a massive role in assessing compatibility. Personal beliefs and values such as religious, social, political views can impact relationships.
It is important to have an understanding of your potential partner’s principles and whether they align with yours.
3. Early Warnings
The beginning stage of any relationship should be exciting and blissful, but it is also important to keep an eye out for any warning signs. Disagreements on minor issues can serve as an early warning sign.
These warnings should be addressed and worked on before things become serious.
4. Smart Approach
A smart approach is taking time to know the individual and understanding if they are the right fit for you. Rushing into a decision could lead to potential regret in the future.
In a traditional arranged marriage, this can mean spending time engaging in meaningful conversation with your potential partner to build a connection before making the final decision.
5. Understanding Similarities
While having similarities with your partner is not a deal-breaker, it can make for a more fulfilling relationship. Knowing your partner’s interests, hobbies, and likes can bring you closer together.
4) Bollywood’s Take on Arranged Marriages
Bollywood has always portrayed a variety of themes prevalent in Indian society, and arranged marriages are no different. Many Bollywood films depict the intricacies of arranged marriages, showcasing its beauty and complexity.
From the coming-of-age story of the underdog in Dum Laga Ke Haisha to the love story of a Kashmiri couple in Roja, these movies show how arranged marriages can be successful when given a chance.
1. Dum Laga Ke Haisha
The movie depicts a unique arranged marriage between an undereducated man and an educated, ambitious woman. The couple is brought together through their love of music, bringing understanding and compatibility to their relationship.
2. Roja
This film follows the story of Roja, a woman from South India, and her arranged marriage with Rishi, a North Indian man.
Despite initial cultural differences, their love and understanding for one another triumph in the end.
3. Socha Na Tha
This film follows a couple who, despite being set up for arranged marriage, decide to fall in love instead. Though it ultimately ends in heartbreak, the movie showcases the importance of prioritizing compatibility and love over societal expectations.
4. Tanu Weds Manu
The film follows the story of Tanu and Manu, who are set up by their families for an arranged marriage.
However, the two have vastly different personalities and lifestyles, leading to conflict in their relationship. The movie showcases how ignoring compatibility can lead to regret and heartbreak.
While these films may not be a guide to real-life situations, they offer a unique perspective on arranged marriages in India. They showcase how compatibility is crucial to any relationship and the importance of having meaningful conversations to understand each other’s values, priorities, and principles.
In essence, arranged marriage questions are not only essential in real life but also serve as guidelines in understanding love in Bollywood films.
5) Work-Life and Hobbies
In traditional arranged marriages, there is often a focus on the potential partner’s educational and financial status rather than their personal and professional goals and ambitions. However, it is just as important to know one’s potential partner’s ambitions, interests, and hobbies to assess compatibility.
1. Personal and Professional Goals
It is important to discuss personal and professional goals with your potential partner to understand their ambition and drive.
Having a goal-oriented partner can bring motivation and energy to a relationship.
2. Driven vs. Laid Back
Knowing whether your potential partner is driven or laid back can give insight into their personality.
A laid-back person may not want a partner who is too intense, while a driven person may seek someone who matches their energy.
3. Interests
Sharing common interests with a partner can help create a base for the relationship and understanding each other’s hobbies and interests can deepen the connection.
4. Childhood Hobbies
Taking an interest in childhood hobbies can give insight into a person’s personality and their preferences. These hobbies can also serve as common ground between partners.
5. Emotional and Psychological Similarity
Assessing emotional and psychological similarities can lead to a better understanding of your potential partner’s expectations and values.
These similarities can contribute towards compatibility and personal growth.
6. Personal Values
Sharing personal values such as honesty, respect, and loyalty can contribute towards building a strong foundation for a relationship.
6) Leisure Time and Travel
Leisure time and travel habits are essential to discuss in a relationship, as they impact the daily routine and quality of life. Having a partner who has similar preferences can reduce stress and bring more joy to life.
1. Relaxation
Knowing how your potential partner enjoys relaxing shows compatibility, as this can lead to planning leisure activities together.
2. Socializing
Understanding your partner’s socializing habits can help in creating a comfortable and relaxed environment when hanging out with friends and family.
3. Types of Shows and Movies
Discussing the choice of shows and movies is also crucial, as it plays a significant role in entertainment and bonding.
4. Beach vs. Mountains
Knowing whether your potential partner prefers the beach or mountains can significantly impact travel plans. It’s important to have a clear understanding of these preferences to avoid potential conflicts in the future.
5. Hiking vs. Napping
Some prefer relaxation while others prefer rigorous physical activity. Understanding these preferences is fundamental in the planning of activities and daily routines.
6. Stress Management
Having a partner who has similar ways of coping with stress is essential when faced with challenging situations.
Having similar coping mechanisms can contribute towards a stress-free environment.
7. Habits and Preferences
Discussing the preference for eating habits, entertainment, exercise routines, and daily routines are also crucial in understanding compatibility. In conclusion, it’s essential to have a clear understanding of your partner’s work-life and hobbies, and leisure time and travel habits when planning a future together in an arranged marriage.
These conversations should help you understand compatibility, foster emotional and psychological similarities, and deepen personal values. This process is a crucial aspect of ensuring the longevity and success of a happy and fulfilling relationship.
7) Drinking and Company
In an arranged marriage, getting to know each other goes beyond the superficial. It is important to discuss both partners’ views on alcohol consumption and the company they keep.
By discussing these topics, couples can identify if values and interests align, and if there are any potential deal-breakers for them to consider.
1. Alcoholic Beverages
Discussing preferences for alcoholic beverages and the frequency of consumption are crucial to understanding potential conflicts. Differences in attitudes towards alcohol can lead to misunderstandings and may cause friction in the future.
2. Wine and Vodka
Some individuals are open to drinking wine while a few may not look forward to experimenting with vodka.
It is essential to understand the preference and frequency of alcohol consumption to avoid arguments.
3. Men’s Perspective on Women who Drink
In a patriarchal society, it is crucial to know men’s perspective on women who drink. Discussing one’s views and opinions on the topic can lead to better understanding and acceptance.
4. Kind of Company
It is essential to understand the kind of company one keeps, as this can reveal a lot about their personality and values.
Knowing whether your potential partner enjoys spending time alone or in large groups can impact daily activities and routine.
5. Values
Discussing how certain alcohol-infused activities align with personal values can contribute towards a better understanding of compatibility.
6. Flexibility
Understanding the level of flexibility each person possesses towards the other’s opinion and preferences is necessary for a long-term relationship.
8) Family and Friends
Family and friends play a significant role in an individual’s life. In an arranged marriage, knowing about your potential partner’s social circle is critical as it can affect the dynamic of the relationship.
Understanding each other’s social network can reveal priorities, values, and emotional and psychological similarities.
1. Close Friends
Knowing your potential partner’s close friends can help assess the kind of people they surround themselves with, reflect their personality, and showcase their core values.
2. Married Friends
It’s essential to understand the kind of married couples your potential partner spends their time with as these friends influence their view of married life.
3. Interests
Discussing the interests and hobbies of your partner’s friends can help individuals find like-minded people to be comfortable around.
4. Values
Understanding the core values of family and friends can help identify potential friction points and understand an individual’s priorities.
5. Parents and Siblings
In Indian society, family plays a significant role. Knowing about potential partner’s close family members can help adjust and familiarize individuals with the new family setup.
6. Emotional and Psychological Similarity
Understanding each other’s family and friends can reveal emotional and psychological similarities.
Similarities lead to a stronger connection and facilitate compatibility. In conclusion, discussing drinking habits, company, and close family and friends is essential to understanding each other in an arranged marriage.
These conversations can lead to a better understanding of values, priorities, emotional and psychological similarity. The understanding of each other’s perspectives can alleviate any potential friction points, leading to a happy and fulfilling relationship.
9) Parenthood and Daily Routine
When entering into an arranged marriage, it is essential to discuss preferences and plans for parenthood and daily routines. Knowing each others’ expectations and priorities is crucial in establishing roles and responsibilities, managing time, and creating sustainable routines.
1. Kids
Understanding each other’s views on having kids and the preferred timeline is crucial in planning for the future.
This conversation will ensure everyone is on the same page from the get-go.
2. Timeline
Discussing the timeline of when to have kids can affect personal and professional goals. Knowing the timeline of when to start a family can lead to better planning and preparation.
3. Work Timings
It is vital to understand each other’s work timings to manage time between family and professional commitments, syncing schedules, and coordinating home functions better.
4. Mealtime
Understanding mealtime preferences and coordinating schedules is essential for healthy living and lifestyle.
5. Sleep
Discussing preferences about sleep and when individuals go to bed is necessary for implementing a healthy daily routine.
6. Roles and Responsibilities
Roles and responsibilities are essential factors in marriage, and it’s important to have a clear understanding of each other’s views, expectations, and plans for managing household responsibilities.
7. Parenting Styles
Knowing each other’s parenting styles and preferences is vital in building sustainable and peaceful routines in parenting.
