Stop Hurting Yourself: The Truth About Texting Your Ex


Stop Texting Your Ex: Here’s What You Should Know

Breakups are hard. Whether you’re the one who initiated the split or the one who’s left heartbroken, it’s natural to want to reach out to your ex.

Maybe you miss them, or maybe you just want to tie up loose ends. Regardless of your reason for wanting to text your ex, there are some things you should be aware of before you hit send.

Texts to Avoid Sending Your Ex

First off, it’s important to know what types of texts to avoid sending to your ex. You don’t want to worsen the situation by saying the wrong thing.

Here’s a breakdown of some of the texts you should steer clear of:

1. Begging and Pleading Texts

We get it. You’re hurting and want your ex back.

But sending a text begging and pleading for them to come back to you is only going to make matters worse. Phrases like “I promise to change” or “let’s grab coffee and talk about getting back together” might seem innocent enough, but they’re actually manipulative and desperate.

They make you look weak and needy, which is not a good look if you want your ex to take you seriously.

2. Meaningless Fluff Texts

Avoid sending empty, generic texts like “hey,” “whats up,” or “hope you’re having a good day.”

These types of messages are often perceived as insincere and disingenuous. They also signal to your ex that you haven’t moved on and are still pining for them.

3. Self-Promoting Texts

Talking about how great your life is now that you’re not with your ex might seem like a good idea to make them jealous, but it’s actually counterproductive. Statements like “I’m great without you” or “life is wonderful now that I’ve changed for the better” come off as arrogant and boastful.

Rather than showing your ex how much better off you are without them, it actually makes you look petty and insecure.

4. Emotional Confession Texts

Sending a text filled with overly emotional language like “magical,” “shooting star,” “illuminated,” “wish,” or “confession” might seem like a good way to show your vulnerability and sincerity, but it’s actually quite a turn-off.

These types of texts put pressure on your ex and make them feel uncomfortable. It’s better to save these kinds of conversations for in-person discussions.

5. Ninja Mind Games

Don’t try to manipulate your ex by sending texts like “I have a confession to make” or “I’ve been thinking about you.” These types of messages are meant to create curiosity and anticipation, but they also come off as sneaky and underhanded.

They make your ex feel like you’re playing mind games with them, which is never a good thing.

Why You Should Resist the Urge to Text Your Ex

Now that we’ve gone over the types of texts to avoid sending, let’s talk about why you should resist the urge to reach out to your ex altogether.

1. Impact of Reactive Texts

You might be tempted to text your ex in the heat of the moment, especially if you’re feeling hurt, angry, or sad after the breakup. However, sending reactive texts when you’re emotional is usually a recipe for disaster.

You’re likely to say something you regret or make the situation worse. It’s important to take some time to process your emotions before you attempt to communicate with your ex.

2. Lack of Substantial Backing

Sending a text might feel like a quick and easy way to get your message across, but it’s not always the most effective method of communication. If you want your ex to take you seriously, you need to back up your words with actions.

Simply saying you’ve changed or promising to do better isn’t enough. You need to demonstrate through your actions that you’re committed to making meaningful changes.

3. Perception of Hidden Agenda

If your ex senses that you’re only reaching out to impress them, win them back, or validate yourself, they’re likely to be turned off. They’ll feel like you’re just trying to put them on a pedestal and seek their approval.

Instead of trying to manipulate or impress them, focus on having honest and sincere conversations. Be vulnerable and share your feelings without expecting anything in return.

In Summary

In summary, texting your ex after a breakup is rarely a good idea. It’s important to avoid sending manipulative or insincere texts and to take some time to process your emotions before communicating.

Keep in mind that actions speak louder than words, and it’s important to back up your words with meaningful changes. And, most importantly, be honest and sincere in your communication.

Respect your ex and their boundaries and don’t try to manipulate or control the situation. Ultimately, it’s up to both of you to decide if reconciliation is possible, but it’s important to approach the situation with authenticity and integrity.

Fluff Texts and Their Lack of Impact

Fluff texts – or meaningless messages without any genuine intent behind them – often fill our daily conversations. They’re the “hey,” “whats up,” and “hows it going?” messages we send or receive multiple times a day. These messages can range from being a polite pleasantry to just a plain throwaway, adding more noise than anything else to our day-to-day communication.

But the question is, what’s their effect on our relationships, and what deeper level of communication could we be missing out on because of them?

Cultural Fluff vs. Genuine Conversation

When we engage in fluffy conversations, we’re often ticking a box for social norms and courtesy. While these things are important to maintain the ties of our social spheres, they don’t add real value to our personal relationships.

In fact, they can detract from a genuine connection, leaving us feeling like we’re lost in a sea of noise. And when our conversations are laden with fluff, we’re missing the opportunity to be more present in the moment and connect with our friends, families, or partners on a deeper level.

Inherent Lack of Depth

What we’re missing in our fluff conversations is the intonation and inflection that embody genuine meaning. It’s the tone we use when we gently tell someone they matter to us or when we share a thought we’ve been contemplating for days.

These are the moments that make us feel like we’re truly engaging with the world around us, deepening our relationships with others.

The Danger of Self-Promoting Texts

Have you ever sent a text to your ex that made you appear better and more accomplished in the hopes of making them jealous or impressing them? Whether we admit it or not, there are times when we feel the need to portray ourselves in the best possible light to others, especially if we are trying to win them over.

The problem with self-promoting texts is that they often have the opposite effect of what we intend. They can come across as insincere, untrustworthy, or manipulative.

Perception of Concealed Intent

When someone receives a text that is flaunting someone’s success, it’s easy to see the hidden message in it. It doesn’t take long for the reader to question why the sender is going to such great lengths to impress them.

It might just seem like the sender is seeking validation and attention. And if they’re trying to get back together, it’s important to remember that relationships should be built on trust and honesty, not trying to impress our partners with what we’ve achieved.

Self-Promoting as Over-Investment

Self-promotion can often be seen as trying too hard, which can also create an emotional distance or disconnect between people. Self-promotion can be done in a variety of ways, such as highlighting wins or accomplishments deemed impressive or drowning someone in compliments with no proof to back it up.

These self-promoting texts can have a negative impact, portraying the sender as someone who is investing too much energy in coming across as inauthentic, emotionally uninvested, or distant.

In Conclusion

In conclusion, fluff texts lack depth, and we must be aware that their impact may be inadvertently causing our relationships to miss out on deeper connections.

Similarly, self-promoting texts often create a negative impact on one’s intended audience, creating perceptions of hidden agenda, distance, or a lack of authenticity. At the end of the day, it’s important to be present for the person we’re texting, meaningfully connecting and engaging with them, and communicating genuinely.

Emotional Confession Texts and the Power of Authenticity

Emotional confession texts are often loaded with poetic language and grandiose declarations of love and affection. These texts may work in movies, but in real life, they can be incredibly manipulative and unrealistic.

Why? Because they attempt to change someone’s mind or feelings with seemingly heartfelt words, rather than demonstrating consistency and actions over time.

Manipulative Elements

Flowery language and poetic emotive expressions may feel like the right thing to do at the time, but they’re often manipulative. When we hear or see someone expressing their feelings in this way, we may find ourselves drawn to them, however, it is essential to recognize that manipulative elements may be at play.

The use of manipulative language can put pressure on the receiver to respond, accept, or react in a specific way, undermining their autonomy.

Over-Investment and Overwhelming Effect

When someone receives an emotional confession text, they’re often confronted with a sudden surge of information and emotion. This may have profound consequences on re-establishing contact with the receiver, especially if it comes on too strong.

This effect can be overwhelming for the receiver, as they’re now faced with having to digest and process a sudden influx of information. This is often an indication that the sender is over-invested in the relationship, creating an unfair power dynamic in the dynamic of the relationship.

Mind Games as Destructive and Inauthentic

A common theme amongst emotional confession texts is mind games. Rather than building a strong, trusting relationship through genuine human connection, these texts disregard the essential principles of trust and pacing investment.

Ultimately, the recipient of the text is put into an awkward and unfair position, with the sender exerting an undue amount of emotional power and control. If the intention of an emotional confession text is to demonstrate sincerity, the better approach would be to consider the relationship and communicate regularly over time, building trust and genuine connection gradually.

The Power of Authenticity

It might be tempting to pour your heart out through your text messages in an attempt to win someone’s heart, but it’s essential to remember that authenticity goes a long way. Rather than delivering dramatic and emotive confessions, genuine and sincere expression of emotions are more effective, especially when they’re paired with consistent actions over time.

By building trust and communicating openly and honestly, we can build lasting relationships that are founded on mutual respect and care.

In Conclusion

In conclusion, it’s essential to recognize that emotional confession texts can come across as manipulative and disingenuous.

Over-investment and an overwhelming effect can create a sense of unease, as if they’re being forced into something they’re not ready for. It’s essential to remember that genuine human connection is more important than grandiose language or dramatic gestures.

By keeping things simple, consistent, and authentic, we can build lasting relationships that are based on trust, mutual respect, and care.

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, it’s crucial to pay attention to the types of text messages we send to our exes, friends, and loved ones.

Texts that lack depth or come across as manipulative, insincere, or inauthentic can turn off the recipient and create a negative impact on the relationship. Instead, it’s important to communicate openly and honestly, authentically and regularly, building trust and a genuine human connection over time.

By keeping the channels of communication open and staying true to ourselves, we can build stronger, lasting relationships that are built on mutual respect and care.

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