Superficial Relationships: Why We Pursue Them and How to Avoid Them


Hey there! It’s great to have you here. Let’s talk about superficial relationships.

What are superficial relationships, you ask? Well, they’re relationships that are based solely on appearances and lack meaningful connections.

These relationships tend to be unstable and leave us feeling unfulfilled. So why do people pursue these kinds of relationships?

There are various factors at play here, such as low self-esteem, fear of intimacy, fear of commitment, narcissism, and people-pleasing tendencies. These issues can all contribute to someone seeking out a superficial relationship.

How can we tell if we’re in a superficial relationship? Well, some signs to watch out for include:

  • A focus on physical attraction
  • Lack of knowledge about each other
  • Trivial conversations
  • Lying
  • Lack of shared interests
  • Keeping options open
  • Feeling like you can’t be yourself
  • Getting bored easily
  • Not being on the same page about relationship status
  • Lack of arguments
  • Not prioritizing your partner’s needs

If any of these sound familiar, you may be in a shallow relationship. But here’s the thing – superficial relationships can have a major impact on our emotional well-being.

They often lack emotional intimacy and communication, making it difficult to have those important conversations and leaving our emotional needs unmet. This can lead to feelings of unfulfillment, disconnection, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and a lack of trust.

So what can we do if we find ourselves in a surface-level relationship? Communication is key.

Getting to know each other better, spending quality time together, and seeking therapy can all help to deepen the relationship and improve communication. We need to make an effort to understand each other’s needs and goals, and work towards building a more meaningful connection.

At the end of the day, we all deserve to be in a fulfilling and meaningful relationship. While superficial relationships can be tempting, they often leave us feeling unfulfilled and disconnected.

Let’s focus on building deeper connections with the people in our lives and working towards a more fulfilling future together.

Why People Pursue Superficial Relationships

Superficial relationships – we’ve probably all been in one. They can be fun and exciting, but they often lack substance and meaning.

So why do we pursue them, even when we know they may not be good for us? Here are some reasons:

Fear of Getting Hurt

One reason people pursue superficial relationships is as a defense mechanism. Maybe they’ve had a bad experience in the past that’s left them with a fear of getting hurt again.

This fear can lead them to avoid deeper connections and seek out relationships that won’t challenge them emotionally. They may fear abandonment, so they choose to keep things light and casual.

Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem can also play a role in seeking out superficial relationships. When someone doesn’t feel worthy of love and happiness, they may settle for less than they deserve.

They may feel that they can’t do any better, or that they don’t deserve anything more meaningful. This lack of self-worth can hold them back from developing deeper connections.

Fear of Commitment

Commitment can be scary. For some people, the idea of investing time and energy into a relationship can be overwhelming.

They may be avoiding vulnerability, or they may struggle with conflict and opening up about their feelings. Whatever the reason, they may seek out superficial relationships as a way to avoid commitment and keep things easy and light.


Some people are only interested in relationships with those who reflect their positive image. They want to be seen as perfect and flawless, and they may pursue superficial relationships with people who will boost their ego.

These relationships are often about validation rather than genuine connection.


People pleasers often prioritize the opinions of others over their own needs and desires. They crave acceptance and approval, and they may seek out superficial relationships with people who will like them and make them feel good.

They may avoid deeper connections out of a fear of rejection or judgment.

Signs of Superficial Relationships

If you’re unsure whether you’re in a superficial relationship, here are some signs to look out for:

Physical Appearance

If the focus of your relationship is solely on physical attraction, this may be a sign that it’s superficial. While physical attraction is important in any relationship, it shouldn’t be the sole basis for your connection.

Lack of Knowledge About Each Other

If you don’t know basic information about each other, such as where you grew up or what your favorite color is, this may be a sign that your relationship is superficial. Superficial relationships often involve surface-level conversations, with little depth or meaning.

Trivial Conversations

If you find yourselves avoiding serious conversations and only talking about trivial things, this may be a sign that your relationship is lacking in depth and meaning.


Dishonesty can be a sign that your relationship is superficial. If you find yourself lying or withholding information to avoid conflict or please your partner, this may indicate that your connection lacks authenticity.

Lack of Shared Interests

If you don’t have any shared interests or bonding activities, this may be a sign that your relationship is superficial. While you don’t need to have everything in common, having some commonalities can help to strengthen your connection.

Keeping Options Open

If you find yourself seeking out other potential partners while in a relationship, this may be a sign that you’re not fully committed and are keeping your options open.

Fear of Expressing True Self

If you feel like you can’t be your true self around your partner, this may be a sign that you’re in a superficial relationship. You should feel comfortable being yourself and expressing your thoughts and feelings.

Getting Bored Easily

If you find yourself losing interest or getting bored easily in your relationship, this may be a sign that it lacks substance and depth. A fulfilling relationship should keep you engaged and excited.

Different Understandings About Relationship Status

If you and your partner have different perceptions of your commitment level or the nature of your relationship, this may be a sign that your relationship is superficial and lacking in clarity.

No Arguments or Fights

While arguing all the time isn’t healthy, never having any disagreements can be a sign that your relationship is lacking in passion or authenticity. A real relationship involves conflict and tension at times.

Partner Not a Top Priority

If you find yourself not prioritizing your partner and not spending enough time or energy on the relationship, this can indicate that the relationship lacks depth and meaning.

Disregard for Partner’s Needs

If you’re not paying attention to your partner’s needs or supporting them emotionally, this may indicate that your connection is shallow and lacking in empathy.

Lack of Understanding or Compassion

If you’re not engaging with your partner and delving into their inner thoughts and feelings, this can indicate that you’re more focused on surface-level interactions rather than building meaningful connection.

Lack of Emotional Intimacy and Communication

If you’re not sharing your thoughts and feelings or avoiding difficult conversations, this may indicate that your connection lacks emotional intimacy and honest communication.

No Planning for the Future

If you’re not envisioning a future together, this can indicate that your connection lacks the depth and substance needed to move towards a meaningful future together.

Preference for Open Relationships

If you’re avoiding commitment and valuing casual sex more highly than emotional connection, this may indicate that you’re prioritizing superficial relationships over genuine connection.

Forgetting Important Occasions

If you’re not paying attention to important occasions in your partner’s life, such as birthdays or anniversaries, this can indicate that you’re not fully invested in the relationship and may lack genuine connection. In conclusion, superficial relationships can hold us back from experiencing genuine connection and fulfillment in our lives.

While we all have different reasons for pursuing these kinds of relationships, it’s important to recognize the signs and work towards deeper connection and meaningful relationships. By communicating openly and honestly, developing emotional intimacy, and prioritizing our partners, we can build relationships that are richer and more fulfilling.

In conclusion, superficial relationships are tempting and may seem like a good option to avoid getting hurt or overwhelmed emotionally. However, they ultimately leave us feeling unfulfilled and disconnected.

Whether it’s due to low self-esteem, fear of intimacy, or the desire to please others, it’s essential to recognize when a relationship is shallow and lacks substance. By investing time and energy into building deeper connections, communicating openly and honestly, and prioritizing our partners, we can create relationships that are truly fulfilling and enriching.

Don’t settle for a superficial relationship – you deserve more.

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