Dealing with a Covert Narcissistic Mother: Signs to Look for and How to Cope
Being a mother is no easy task. One needs to balance multiple responsibilities while caring for their children.
Mothers are often the pillars of strength and support for their families. But what happens when your mother is a covert narcissist?
If you have a covert narcissist mother, you may have grown up feeling unheard, devalued, and confused. Dealing with a narcissistic mother can take a toll on your mental health and well-being.
But how can you tell if your mother is a covert narcissist, and what can you do to cope with her behavior? Let’s dive into it.
Recognizing Covert Narcissistic Mother Traits
Signs of a Covert Narcissist Mother
A covert narcissistic mother can be difficult to spot as she doesn’t fit the stereotypical description of a narcissist. Her behavior is often subtle and manipulative.
Here are some signs to look out for:
Making Her Look Good or Bad
A covert narcissistic mother is always concerned about how others perceive her. She will often brag about her achievements and belittle others to make herself look superior.
If she feels threatened or criticized, she will attack the other person to protect her ego.
Gifts with Strings Attached
A covert narcissistic mother will give gifts to her children, but with the expectation of something in return. She will use gifts as a way to control her children and have power over them.
Not Accepting Unasked For Gifts
If you reject or refuse an unasked-for gift from your mother, she will take it as a personal attack. She won’t understand that you don’t want the gift and will try to control you by making you feel guilty.
Not Responding Well to Criticism or Questions
A covert narcissistic mother cannot handle criticism or questions as she perceives them as a threat to her ego. She may become defensive, attack the other person, or play the victim to avoid taking responsibility for her actions.
Not Respecting Boundaries
A covert narcissistic mother will have an inflated sense of entitlement and feel that she has the right to access anything and everything. She may perceive boundaries as a threat to her control and retaliate if they are set by her children.
Prioritizing Her Concerns Over Yours
A covert narcissistic mother will expect her child to drop everything and attend to her needs first. She will make her children feel guilty for prioritizing their needs and desires over hers.
Not Letting Go
A covert narcissistic mother may struggle to let go of her child as she perceives them as a humanoid extension of herself. She may use her child’s achievements as a means to make herself look good and maintain control over their lives.
Impact of Having a Narcissistic Mother
Growing up with a covert narcissistic mother can have a profound impact on your life. You may forget your own needs, struggle with low self-esteem and insecurity, and face challenges with relationships.
You may struggle with negativity and self-sabotage as a result of your mother’s behavior.
Dealing with a Covert Narcissistic Mother
Dealing with a covert narcissistic mother can be challenging, but it’s essential for your mental health and well-being. Here are some ways to cope with her behavior:
Become Aware
The first step in dealing with a covert narcissistic mother is to become aware of her behavior. Recognizing her patterns and tactics can help you understand how to cope with her behavior.
Keep Calm
It can be challenging to remain calm when dealing with a narcissistic mother, but it’s crucial. Reacting emotionally to her behavior can escalate the situation, making things worse.
Empathize
Try to put yourself in her shoes and understand why she behaves the way she does. While her behavior is unacceptable, you may be able to understand her motivations and feelings.
Refuse to Argue
Avoid getting into arguments with your mother as it will only take a toll on your emotional well-being. It’s best to detach yourself from her behavior and refuse to engage in arguments.
Stand Your Ground
Set boundaries and stick to them, even if it means dealing with the fallout. Staying firm in your beliefs and needs may be challenging, but it’s essential for your mental health and well-being.
Depersonalize
Remember that your mother’s behavior is not about you. Her behavior is a reflection of her own insecurities and needs.
Say No
Learn to say no to your mother, even if it makes her angry. Sometimes, creating distance is the best way to cope with a narcissistic mother.
Build Self-Confidence
Work on building your self-confidence and self-esteem. Surround yourself with supportive people who make you feel good about yourself.
Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries is essential when dealing with a narcissistic mother. Communicate your needs and desires calmly and assertively.
Take Stock
Assess your relationship with your mother and the impact it has on your life. Sometimes, taking a step back and prioritizing your mental health and well-being is the best course of action.
Talk to Someone
Don’t hesitate to talk to a therapist or counselor if you’re struggling to cope with your mother’s behavior. A professional can help you develop coping strategies and provide support during difficult times.
Conclusion
Dealing with a covert narcissistic mother can be challenging, but it’s essential to prioritize your mental health and well-being. Recognizing her behavior, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care are some ways to cope with her behavior.
Remember that you’re not alone, and there is support available if you need it. Dealing with a Covert Narcissist Mother: Understanding the Impact and Coping Mechanisms
Growing up with a covert narcissistic mother can have a significant impact on your mental and emotional well-being.
The constant need for validation and attention can cause you to forget or downplay your own needs and desires. Here are some ways in which having a narcissistic mother can impact you and some coping mechanisms to deal with her behavior.
Forgetting or Downplaying Own Needs
When you have a narcissistic mother, you may have grown up putting her needs before your own. You may have learned to ignore or downplay your own needs, feelings, and desires to keep the peace and avoid conflict.
This can lead to a loss of self-identity and make it challenging to understand your own wants and needs. Coping Mechanism: Recognize the importance of self-care and start prioritizing your own needs.
Understand that taking care of yourself is not selfish and will ultimately benefit your mental and emotional well-being.
Low Self-Esteem and Confidence
Growing up with a narcissistic mother can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem and confidence. The constant criticism and negativity can cause you to view yourself in a negative light, leading to low self-esteem and a lack of confidence.
Coping Mechanism: Work on building your self-esteem and confidence through positive self-talk, affirmations, and introspection. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.
Focus on your strengths and accomplishments, and don’t let negative self-talk control your thoughts.
Struggle with Insecurity and Feelings of Inadequacy
A narcissistic mother can make you feel like you’re not good enough, no matter how hard you try. You may struggle with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, which can impact your relationships and daily life.
Coping Mechanism: Recognize that your mother’s behavior is not a reflection of your worth or value as a person. Work on building your self-esteem, and try to develop a positive inner voice that counteracts negative self-talk.
Consider seeing a therapist to help you work through these feelings.
Tendency Toward Negativity
Growing up with a covert narcissistic mother can lead to a tendency toward negativity and pessimism. You may have learned to expect the worst and view the world through a negative lens.
Coping Mechanism: Practice positive thinking and mindfulness to help shift your mindset toward positivity. Start focusing on the things you are grateful for, and try to reframe negative experiences in a more positive light.
Remember that you have the power to control your thoughts, and work on developing a positive inner voice.
Self-Sabotage in Relationships
When you have a narcissistic mother, you may struggle with healthy relationships due to a lack of trust and emotional wounds. You may self-sabotage relationships or expect the worst, which can lead to a cycle of negative experiences.
Coping Mechanism: Consider seeing a therapist to help you work through any trust issues and emotional wounds related to your narcissistic mother. Work on building healthy relationships with good communication and boundaries.
Remember that not every relationship will be like the one with your mother, and don’t let past experiences hold you back.
Dealing with a Covert Narcissistic Mother
Dealing with a covert narcissistic mother can be challenging, but there are coping mechanisms that can help.
Becoming Aware of Narcissistic Behaviors
The first step in dealing with a narcissistic mother is to become aware of her behavior. Recognizing her patterns and tactics can help you understand how to cope with her behavior.
Keeping Calm When Confronting Behaviors
It can be challenging to stay calm when dealing with a narcissistic mother, but it’s essential. Reacting emotionally to her behavior can escalate the situation, making things worse.
Empathizing Without Excusing Behavior
Try to put yourself in her shoes and understand why she behaves the way she does. While her behavior is unacceptable, you may be able to understand her motivations and feelings without excusing them.
Refusing to Argue
Avoid getting into arguments with your mother as it will only take a toll on your emotional well-being. It’s best to detach yourself from her behavior and refuse to engage in arguments.
Standing Ground with Confidence
Set boundaries and stick to them, even if it means dealing with the fallout. Staying firm in your beliefs and needs may be challenging, but it’s essential for your mental health and well-being.
Depersonalizing Her Behavior
Remember that your mother’s behavior is not about you. Her behavior is a reflection of her own insecurities and needs.
Don’t take it personally, and try not to let it impact your self-worth, happiness, and love. Learning to
Say No
Learn to say no to your mother, even if it makes her angry.
Sometimes, creating distance is the best way to cope with a narcissistic mother.
Building Self-Confidence
Work on building your self-confidence and self-esteem. Surround yourself with supportive people who make you feel good about yourself.
Consider participating in assertiveness exercises to help you stand your ground and communicate effectively.
Setting Boundaries and Communication
Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with a narcissistic mother. Communicate your needs and desires calmly and assertively.
Be clear about your boundaries, and don’t let her manipulate or cross them.
Taking Stock of Own Behaviors
Sometimes, growing up with a narcissistic mother can lead you to develop co-narcissistic behaviors. Breaking these patterns and learning to express your own feelings and needs more effectively can help you move forward and heal.
Talking to Someone Who Can Help
If you’re struggling to cope with your mother’s behavior, consider seeing a therapist or joining a support group. Talking to someone who understands what you’re going through can help you develop coping mechanisms and provide support.
Don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you need it. In conclusion, growing up with a covert narcissistic mother can have a significant impact on your mental and emotional well-being.
However, there are coping mechanisms that can help you deal with her behavior and move forward in a healthy and positive manner. Remember that you’re not alone, and there is support available if you need it.
In conclusion, dealing with a covert narcissistic mother can be incredibly challenging and have a significant impact on your mental and emotional well-being. However, recognizing her behaviors, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care are all essential strategies for coping with her behavior and moving forward in a healthy and positive manner.
While it may not be an easy journey, remember that you’re not alone, and there is support available if you need it. By taking control of your life and developing positive coping mechanisms, you can break free from the negative impact of living with a narcissistic mother and build a fulfilling and happy life.
