Understanding the Narcissist’s Mind: Why No Contact Hurts and What the Narcissist Thinks
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who seemed too good to be true? Someone who seemed charming, confident, and accomplished – but ultimately ended up leaving you feeling empty and alone?
If so, you might have been dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists are people who have an inflated sense of self-importance and an overwhelming need for admiration and attention from others.
They often view their relationships as transactional, playing a game of control and power to get what they want. But what happens when you try to cut off contact with a narcissist?
Why does this hurt them, and what do they think when you’re not around?
Why No Contact Hurts a Narcissist
For narcissists, attention and satisfaction are paramount. They thrive on what’s called “narcissistic supply,” or the recognition and adoration they receive from others.
When you go no contact, you’re essentially cutting off their supply – and this can be incredibly painful for them. Without the attention they crave, narcissists may feel a sense of emptiness or instability.
They might even become depressed, anxious, or angry. And because they’re often not able to regulate their emotions effectively, they might lash out at you in an attempt to regain control.
What a Narcissist Thinks During No Contact
Of course, not all narcissists are the same. Depending on the type of relationship you had with them and the type of narcissism they display, their reactions to no contact might differ.
Some narcissists might be enraged, feeling like you’re depriving them of their rightful attention. Others might be simply dismissive, feeling like you’re not worth their time and finding another source of supply instead.
But most narcissists will spend at least some time thinking about you when you’re not around. After all, you were a source of validation and importance to them – and losing that can be a painful blow to their ego.
The Narcissist’s Intention On Return
So what happens when a narcissist decides to return after no contact? This can be a tricky situation, as their motives might not be entirely clear.
Some narcissists might be genuinely looking to end the relationship and move on – but even in this case, they might seek some kind of revenge or closure. Others might be looking to continue their narcissistic behavior, resuming the control and power games that defined your previous interactions.
And still, others might be looking to return a favor. For example, if you were once a source of valuable connections or resources for them, they might want to use you again for this purpose.
Do Narcissists Come Back After No Contact?
If you’re wondering whether a narcissist is likely to return after you’ve gone no contact, the answer is: it depends.
In some cases, narcissists might immediately return, desperate for attention and validation. They might try to win you back with grand gestures or promises of change – but be wary of these overtures, as they may be insincere or only temporary.
In other cases, narcissists might decide that you’re not worth the energy or effort it would take to win you back. They might move on to another source of supply instead, leaving you in the dust.
And still, others might take a more measured approach, biding their time before making a move to regain control over you. They might wait days, weeks, or even months before reaching out – but when they do, they might be incredibly persistent and even threatening.
Final Thoughts
Dealing with a narcissist, whether in a relationship or in the fallout from one, can be a challenging and emotionally draining experience. But by understanding the way that narcissists think and operate, you can take steps to protect yourself and build healthier relationships in the future.
Remember: not all attention is good attention, and sometimes going no contact is the best way to protect yourself from a toxic dynamic. And if a narcissist does try to come back into your life, it’s important to assess their intentions carefully and make a decision that’s in your best interest.
Mistakes to Avoid When Going No Contact with a Narcissist
Going no contact with a narcissist can be a challenging and emotional process. It can be difficult to break away from a toxic relationship, but it’s essential to prioritize your own mental and emotional health.
However, going no contact can be a minefield in itself, with a range of potential mistakes and pitfalls to avoid along the way. Here are some common mistakes to watch out for and tips on how to avoid them.
Going No Contact for the Wrong Reasons
One of the biggest mistakes people make when going no contact with a narcissist is doing so for the wrong reasons. It’s important to be realistic about what you can expect from going no contact and what the process will involve.
Going no contact won’t magically fix all of your problems – instead, it’s one step in a larger process of healing and recovery. Make sure that you’re going no contact for the right reasons, such as to break the cycle of abuse and focus on your own healing.
Slacking on Resolve
Another mistake that people make when going no contact with a narcissist is slacking on their resolve. Going no contact can be difficult, especially if you have a shared history with the narcissist or if they’re persistent in trying to contact you.
However, it’s important to stay committed to your decision and remain firm in your resolve. Breaking no contact can create a cycle of turmoil and disruption that can be difficult to break out of.
Remember that going no contact is ultimately about protecting your own mental and emotional health.
Unprepared for Unnecessary Attention
When you go no contact with a narcissist, they may try to get your attention in any way possible. This could include love-bombing, apologizing profusely, or even stalking.
Make sure you’re prepared for this possibility by staying vigilant, blocking their number and social media profiles, and restraining orders if necessary.
Unprepared for the Alternate Story You Will Hear from Others
When you go no contact with a narcissist, you will likely hear a completely different story about the relationship from other people. Narcissists are skilled at manipulating people and can easily create false narratives about why the relationship ended.
They might even villainize you to make themselves look better. Be prepared for this possibility and don’t take it personally.
Remember that these stories are only one person’s perspective and may not reflect reality.
Believing the Emissaries
During the no contact period, you might have mutual friends who try to persuade you to reconnect with the narcissist. It’s important to remember that people can be manipulated by narcissists, and their opinions may not necessarily reflect your best interest.
Don’t be afraid to stand your ground and remain committed to your decision.
Getting Caught Up in the What If Trap
It’s easy to become obsessed with the possibility of what-ifs and overreact to every situation that arises. This just makes you vulnerable to being manipulated and breaking no contact.
Instead, redirect this energy into focusing on yourself and your healing process.
Making Excuses for the Narcissist
Narcissists may try to manipulate you by self-victimization, playing the “woe-is-me” card, and portraying themselves as helpless or misunderstood. It’s important to remember that this is just another tactic to win you over and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
Don’t make excuses for their behavior and prioritize your own needs instead.
Trying to Brave It on Your Own
While it’s important to maintain your independence, going no contact can be an emotional and challenging experience. Don’t be afraid to reach out for support from friends, family, or a therapist.
Support systems can help minimize the impact of any negative effects of going no contact.
Refusing to Get Professional Help
Therapy can be a powerful tool in the recovery process after going no contact. Talking to a therapist can help you work through the emotions and challenges involved in cutting off a relationship with a narcissist.
Believing That the Narcissist Has Changed
One of the most significant mistakes you can make when going no contact with a narcissist is believing that they’ve changed. Narcissists are skilled at putting on a facade of being changed, only to revert to their toxic behavior once they gain your trust.
Don’t be fooled by their manipulations and prioritize your own healing instead.
Conclusion
Going no contact with a narcissist can be difficult, but it’s essential for your own mental and emotional health. By avoiding common mistakes and staying committed to your decision, you can begin the healing process and move forward with your life.
Remember to stay vigilant, prioritize your own needs, and seek support from the right sources. In conclusion, going no contact with a narcissist can be a difficult but necessary step in prioritizing your own mental and emotional health.
This process requires self-awareness, resolve, and support from loved ones and professionals. Avoiding common mistakes and prioritizing your own healing can lead to a more fulfilling and healthy future.
Remember to stay strong, stay vigilant, and never give up on your own well-being.
