Texting Your Ex: When to Reach Out and When to Stay Quiet


Hey there, friend! Are you currently struggling with the decision of whether or not to text your ex? You’re not alone.

Many of us have been there, feeling that strong impulse to reach out and reconnect with an old flame. But before you hit send, let’s discuss some important things to consider.

Reasons for Strong Urge to Text Ex

Sometimes it can feel like we’re under the control of a virtual robot, with the urge to text our ex being its programming. But why do we feel this way?

Here are a few common reasons:

  • Wanting to predict the future: After a break-up, we may feel anxious or unsure about what the future holds. Texting our ex can feel like a way to gain some clarity or control over the situation.
  • Impulse: Sometimes we act before we think, and the urge to text our ex can feel overwhelming.
  • Filling the void: After a break-up, we may feel a void in our heart that we think only our ex can fill. This can lead to a strong desire to reach out and reconnect.
  • Feeling lonely or nostalgic: We may miss the comfort and familiarity of our past relationship, especially during lonely or nostalgic moments.

Golden Rules for Texting Ex

Before reaching out to your ex, it’s important to consider some golden rules for texting your ex. These rules will help guide you and ensure that you are making the most appropriate decision.

Here are some of our top recommendations:

  • Respect the no contact period: If you and your ex have decided on a no contact period, it’s important to honor that agreement. Breaking this rule could damage any progress made and lead to further heartache.
  • Avoid reaching out during special occasions: If it’s a special occasion like a birthday or anniversary, it might be easy to give in to the urge to text your ex. However, it’s best to avoid this. Doing so could give false hope or lead to disappointment.
  • Show concern for your ex: Before hitting send, think about how your ex may receive your message. If they’re still in a vulnerable spot, it may be best to hold off on sending the text.
  • Seek forgiveness rather than validation: If the reason for wanting to text your ex is to receive validation or to have them take the blame for the break-up, it may be best to reconsider. This could come across as manipulative and do more harm than good.
  • Avoid reaching out if your ex is angry or abusive: It’s never okay to stay in contact with an abusive ex. If your ex is angry or manipulative, it might be best to let sleeping dogs lie and not contact them.

Post-Break-Up Phase

If you’re in the post-break-up phase, it’s essential to take care of yourself. Here are a few ways to cope:

  • Find unique ways to cope: Everyone copes differently, so it’s important to find what works best for you. Maybe it’s writing in a journal, practicing yoga, or talking to a therapist.
  • Avoid checking pictures or social media stalking: It’s natural to feel curious about what your ex is doing, but stalking their social media can do more harm than good. It can lead to a cycle of negative thoughts and may even trigger a relapse in missing your ex.
  • Comfort yourself with treats: Indulging in comfort foods like ice cream or your favorite snack may help ease the pain temporarily. Just be sure not to rely on these treats too heavily.
  • Binge-watch TV: We all need a break sometimes, and what better way to relax and decompress than immersing yourself in a great TV show?

Reasons for Urge to Text Ex

There may be moments where you feel the urge to text your ex, even after you have decided it’s best not to. Here are a few common reasons:

  • Missing their presence: After spending so much time with them, it’s natural to feel their absence strongly.
  • Habits: When in a relationship, we often develop habits with our partners. These habits can lead to a feeling of longing and a desire to text them.
  • Way of thinking: Sometimes our brain is just in the habit of thinking about our ex and the relationship. This can lead to moments of desperation and a strong desire to text them.

In conclusion, the decision to text your ex is a difficult one. While it’s okay to feel the urge to reach out, it’s important to weigh the consequences of doing so.

Following the golden rules for texting your ex and taking care of yourself during the post-breakup phase will help guide you towards the best decision for your mental health and wellbeing. Remember, you’ve got this! It’s time to move forward and focus on yourself.

Welcome back, friend! In our previous discussion, we talked about the golden rules for texting your ex. In this article, we’ll delve deeper into these rules and talk about the different scenarios of when to reach out and when it’s best to stay quiet.

No Contact Period

The no contact period is a critical time for healing. It’s essential to use this time to detox from the relationship and relax. Prolonging the suffering may cause more harm than good, so it’s best to make the most of the time apart. When you’re ready to break the silence, ensure your initial text is relaxed, friendly, and not too long.

Special Occasions

When deciding to text your ex, it’s important to consider the moment. If you’re on good terms and feel confident that your ex wouldn’t be adverse to it, a special occasion such as Christmas, Easter, or their birthday could be a good opportunity. However, it’s important to be thoughtful and avoid sending a generic message. Take the time to craft something that shows you care.

Concern for Ex

If you’re genuinely concerned about your ex’s wellbeing, it’s okay to extend a hand and check on them. When texting, make sure there’s an element of concern in your message and avoid sending a text just for the sake of reaching out. Keep the conversation light and show them that you care for the person they are.

Seeking Forgiveness

If the guilt of something you did during the relationship is weighing heavily on your chest, it’s okay to apologize. However, ensure that you’re not trying to convince your ex to come back to you, but instead, you want to take responsibility for your actions. Letting them know that you’re sorry for how things ended, and any hurt you may have caused, is respectful and shows your maturing.

Feeling Lonely or Horny

It’s easy to feel lonely after a break-up, and sometimes, you might feel horny. In cases like this, it’s essential to avoid texting your ex for a distraction. Instead, focus on socializing with your family, pets, or go out with friends. Identify healthy ways to cope with these feelings without relying on your ex.

Feeling Nostalgic

Nostalgia can be a powerful feeling, and it’s easy to romanticize our past. But it’s essential to avoid wallowing in the old moments and instead, focus on the present. Endorphin boosts come from experiencing new things, so try finding new activities to do. By letting go of the past, you’ll be opening yourself up to creating new, better memories.

Angry Ex

If your ex ended things and was angry about it, it’s best to wait until the no-contact period has passed before contacting them. If you reach out too soon, they may misinterpret your message and become angry again. When texting them, make sure you don’t place blame or make the conversation about the past. Instead, be light and keep the conversation going.

Abusive Ex

If your ex was abusive, it’s never okay to stay in contact with them. Learning how to be single after an abusive relationship is challenging, but it’s necessary. Abusers don’t change overnight, and their behavior can continue to escalate. The first step in healing after leaving an abusive relationship is cutting off all contact with your ex-partner.

You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and love. In conclusion, texting your ex can be daunting, especially when you’re unsure whether or not to do so. While there are no hard and fast rules about when to text them, there are guidelines to follow. Remember to always consider your feelings and the effects of your actions on your ex.

Most importantly, focus on improving yourself, and everything else will fall into place. Good luck!

In conclusion, this article covered the golden rules for texting your ex and offered guidance on when it’s best to reach out and when it’s best to stay quiet.

Remembering the no contact period, being thoughtful during special occasions, showing genuine concern, seeking forgiveness, avoiding relying on your ex when feeling lonely or horny, being mindful of nostalgia, allowing time for the anger to subside, and cutting contact with an abusive ex are crucial considerations. By following these guidelines and focusing on yourself, you will find peace after a break-up, and hopefully, more fulfilling, new relationships down the road.

Remember, be kind to yourself, and everything else will fall into place.

Popular Posts

Sign up for free email updates: