The Mating Grounds

The Harsh Truth Hurts: The Importance of Restraint Communication and Trust in Building Healthy Relationships

Secrets are part of our lives, and everyone has them. However, when it comes to relationships, communicating your secrets to your girlfriend can be a tricky affair.

Communication and trust are the foundation of a healthy relationship. And keeping secrets from your girlfriend can shatter that foundation and potentially lead to mistrust, insecurity, and emotional distance.

That said, there are times when keeping certain things to yourself is crucial for the relationship’s longevity. In this article, we’ll explore things to keep secret from your girlfriend and things to avoid telling her altogether.

Things to Keep Secret from Your Girlfriend

Secrets are best kept when doing so will prevent your girlfriend from being affected by your actions, decisions, or thoughts. Some of these may include:



We all make mistakes, and some may be quite embarrassing or even hurtful. However, if you’ve acknowledged your mistakes and come up with solutions, there’s no need to expose them to your girlfriend.

Doing so may only cause her anxiety and trust issues. 2.

Negative Opinions

Everyone has opinions about different things. However, expressing negative opinions about your girlfriend’s appearance, friends, family, or even personal decisions can damage your relationship severely.

If it’s not constructive criticism, try to keep the negativity to yourself. 3.

Past Indiscretions

Everyone has a past, and some of us may have made mistakes we’re not proud of. If you’ve cheated on a previous partner or had other past indiscretions, telling your girlfriend is entirely optional.

If you’re looking for a serious and committed relationship, sharing your past discretions can make your girlfriend feel like you’re not ready to move on. 4.

Your Past Relationships

Your past relationships, no matter how long or short, are ancient history. Telling your girlfriend about your exes’ good or bad qualities can lead to unwarranted comparisons and insecurity.

Instead, focus on building a future with your current girlfriend. 5.

Your Friends’ Gossip

Your friends may gossip about their lives, but that doesn’t mean you have to do the same to your girlfriend. Gossiping about others’ lives can show her that you are disloyal and untrustworthy.

Things to Avoid Telling Your Girlfriend

Keeping secrets doesn’t mean you should hide every aspect of your life from your girlfriend. However, some things that you reveal to her can hurt your relationship.

1. Nitpicking About Faults

Finding faults is easy.

But constantly picking on your girlfriend’s physical appearance, habits, or small mistakes can make her feel undervalued and unappreciated. Instead, try to appreciate and celebrate her positive traits.

2. Negative Opinions About Her Family

Speaking negatively about her family, especially if she’s close to them, can hurt her emotionally.

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. In extreme cases, differences with family can lead to communication breakdown in the relationship.

3. Past Indiscretions or Doubts

Telling your girlfriend that you’re not sure if you’re ready for a serious relationship or expressing doubts about your feelings can be hurtful and damaging to your partner.

If you’re uncertain, work on yourself and your feelings until you’re sure. 4.

Dependency on Parents

Your girlfriend wants to feel that she’s a valuable contributor to your life. Constantly depending on your parents for financial or emotional support can make her feel less capable of contributing to your life, eventually damaging the relationship.

5. Little-Boy Fears

As much as your girlfriend wants to protect and support you, displaying little-boy fears can make her feel like she’s parenting you rather than dating you.

Instead, take charge of your fears and work to overcome them.


Gifts from Exes

While it’s okay to keep items of sentimental value from past relationships, flaunting gifts given to you by your exes can make your girlfriend feel insecure and inferior. If it’s something special that you’d like to keep, avoid making a show of it.

7. Gross Bodily Functions

Everyone has bodily functions, and sometimes they can be gross.

However, that’s no excuse for exposing your girlfriend to them. If you need to take care of yourself, do so in private.

Keep your personal hygiene in check, and your girlfriend will thank you for it. 8.

Porn Addiction

If you’ve been struggling with porn addiction, it’s essential to seek help. Discussing it with your girlfriend may only create more mistrust and insecurity in the relationship.

Instead, work on overcoming your addiction before sharing the details with her. 9.

Sexual Conquests

It may seem like bragging, but sharing stories about your sexual conquests with your girlfriend can make her feel like she’s just another number, hurting her emotionally. Keep the past where it belongs and focus on the present.

10. Physical Flaws

Everyone has physical flaws, but that’s what makes us unique.

Constantly worrying about physical flaws and expressing them to your girlfriend can make her feel like you’re not satisfied with her appearance. Instead, focus on your girlfriend’s positive attributes.

11. Lack of Finesse in Sexual Advances

Making mood-killing blunders in the bedroom is not the way to keep your girlfriend excited and engaged.

Instead, focus on learning the right way to approach foreplay, and your girlfriend will appreciate your finesse. 12.

Gloating About Being Right

Winning small arguments is fine. But gloating about being right or doing it often takes a toll on your girlfriend’s self-esteem.

Instead, show some humility, and your girlfriend will appreciate it. Conclusively, relationships are all about communication and trust.

While secrets can be necessary at times, they must not be the norm. Keeping things from your girlfriend that protects the relationship is okay, but refrain from concealing essential details or embarrassing mistakes.

On the other hand, always remember that maintaining smooth relationships involves consistently building your girlfriend up with positive reinforcement rather than tearing her down with negative critiques. Keep the conversation alive, and things will fall into place naturally.

Have you ever received a harsh truth from someone and felt hurt, angry, or ashamed? You’re not alone.

The truth can be difficult, but how you deliver it can make a world of difference. Restraint in speaking and considering how you say things can help avoid causing pain and build better relationships.

The Harsh Truth Hurts

The truth, however harsh, can be necessary for growth. However, if it’s delivered in a hurtful or demeaning way, it can do more harm than good.

Before delivering the truth, consider your intent and what you hope to achieve with it. Are you trying to criticize or help?

A partner who shares criticisms constructively and supportively can help the other grow. But constant negative comments, even if truthful, can do more harm than good.

It’s therefore essential to exercise caution before speaking the truth, helped by non-judgmental language and respect.

Restraint in Speaking

Communicating the truth with restraint entails discretion and tact, qualities that help to prevent unnecessary wars from emerging in relationships. Before speaking the truth, one should consider the recipient’s feelings and emotions while delivering it.

This doesn’t mean avoiding unpleasant subjects entirely, but it does require a degree of sensitivity. One excellent way to achieve restraint in speaking is through active listening.

By actively listening to the other party, one can pay close attention to their concerns, views, and challenges, thereby establishing common ground. Additional strategies include focusing on the positives and preserving both parties’ dignity.

With the proper delivery and timing, uncomfortable topics can be dealt with respectfully.

Healthy Communication

It’s essential to take a light-hearted path in keeping an open and healthy communication with your significant other. Lightheartedness doesn’t necessarily mean frivolity, but rather an engagement medium that enhances the relationship’s positivity.

Interactions are happier, and conversations more enjoyable when there is a bit of lightness, humor, and simple banter. Words without a sense of humor and positive energy can become dull, monotonous, or even toxic and suffocating with time.

Being candid may be a desirable attribute in a relationship, but it should also come with proper restraint and a sense of humor. Lightness allows the couples to explore various concerns and create a platform for better and happier communication, which is better for the relationship dynamic in the long run.


In conclusion, we all have truths that we need to speak, even if they may be painful. However, delivering them with restraint and a sense of tact can make the difference between causing unnecessary pain and building better relationships.

Consider the recipient’s feelings and emotions and deliver the truth with empathy, grace, and an appreciation for common ground. Healthy communication should be a blend of restraint, positive energy, and a sense of humor, creating a nurturing environment for a long-term healthy relationship.

In conclusion, this article has explored the importance of communication, trust, and restraint in building healthy relationships. It’s important to consider how you say things, as the harsh truth can hurt, but restating them with a sense of tact and empathy can go a long way in preventing unnecessary pain.

Restraint in speech, active listening, and focusing on the positives are essential components of creating healthy communication. Ultimately, a healthy relationship requires a balance of constructive criticism, humor, kindness, and support.

By practicing these habits, couples can foster deeper connections, reinforce commitment, and build healthy, lasting relationships that stand the test of time.

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