Are you always worried about pleasing others? Do you often put other people’s needs before your own, even if it compromises your happiness?
If so, you might be a people pleaser. A people pleaser is someone who goes out of their way to make others happy, often at the expense of their own well-being.
They feel the pressure to please others, believing that their worth is determined by how much they are liked or appreciated. It’s understandable why some people become people pleasers, but it’s essential to understand the characteristics of a people pleaser and the reasons why they become one.
Characteristics of a People Pleaser
There are a few behavioral patterns that people pleasers exhibit, and some of these include:
- Pleasing Others: People pleasers place an incredible amount of importance on pleasing others. They believe that it is crucial to be liked and appreciated and will go to great lengths to achieve this.
- Manipulative Behavior: Some people pleasers may use manipulative tactics like arm-twisting, or they will cheat to please someone they are trying to impress.
- Difficulty in Saying No: People pleasers find it challenging to say no to others, even when they are overwhelmed or feel uncomfortable.
Reasons for Becoming a People Pleaser
1. Approval
Many people pleasers are motivated by the need for approval. They crave the validation that comes with pleasing others and feel a sense of satisfaction when someone compliments or appreciates them.
2. Parenting
Children who grow up in households where they had to please their parents to receive love and approval, or those that were punished for not adhering to strict rules, are also more prone to becoming people pleasers as adults.
3. Abuse
Victims of abuse may learn to please their abusers as a means of self-protection. Victims may try to mitigate outbursts, bouts of anger or avoid violence by keeping their abusers happy.
4. Low self-worth
People pleasers may have low self-worth and self-doubt. They may try to compensate for their perceived inadequacies by going above and beyond to please others.
5. Seeking Love
People pleasers may be seeking love and acceptance. They believe that if they can please someone enough, they will win their love in return.
6. Identity
Some people pleasers confuse pleasing others with their identity; one’s identity is established by actions and decisions directed towards pleasing others, undermining one’s own sense of self.
Types of People Pleasers
- Obligatory People Pleasers: These people feel under some moral obligation to make others happy. They are afraid of offending or hurting others and say yes to everyone to avoid that possibility.
- Complimentary People Pleasers: Complimentary people pleasers are constantly complimenting others, hoping for the same treatment in return. They have low self-confidence or low self-esteem and are often attention-seekers.
In conclusion, being a people pleaser is a behavior pattern that can lead to frustration, exhaustion, and even depression. It’s vital to understand the behavioral patterns exhibited by people pleasers and the reasons why they become one.
If you are a people pleaser, it’s essential to acknowledge the issue, set boundaries for yourself, and learn to say no when necessary. Remember: your worth is not defined by how much you please others, take care of yourself, and trust that the right people will appreciate you for who you are.
Effects of People Pleasing
Being a people pleaser is not always a bad thing. It can be helpful when trying to establish common ground among individuals or groups of people with different opinions.
However, there is always a thin line between healthy people pleasing and over-pleasing, where a person’s desire to please others can have negative effects on their lives.
Positives of People Pleasing:
- Understanding and accepting different perspectives: People pleasers are skilled at adapting to changing environments and changing their opinions to better accommodate different people.
- Emotional intelligence: People pleasers are empathetic and have an intuitive sense of how to interact with others, which may be a tool for building better relationships.
Negatives of People Pleasing:
- Losing sight of one’s own boundaries: People pleasers may go to great lengths to make others happy, which can result in changing like a chameleon, and losing their principles and not knowing who they actually are.
- Unhealthy relationships: People pleasers may face difficulty in forming true relationships because they put up a fake facade so as to get people to like them.
Signs of an Overeager People Pleaser
There are specific signs that an overeager people pleaser exhibits, and these include:
- Craving Compliments: They need compliments all the time to fuel their self-worth.
- Neglect of Loved Ones: An overeager people pleaser may be so focused on pleasing others that they neglect their loved ones.
- Desires to be Noticed: They want to be recognized and noticed all the time.
- Lies about Opinions: They may lie about their opinions to avoid the risk of offending others.
- Can Never Say No: They find it difficult to say no to requests made by others even if they’re overwhelmed and tired.
- Giving too much too soon: They give too much too soon, wanting to prove their worth and value.
- Being too Guarded: They’re too guarded regarding their true selves because they’re afraid of rejection.
- Top Priority is Being Loved: An overeager people pleaser is always working to be loved by everyone around them, even going outside their boundaries.
- Easily Hurt Feelings: They get offended easily by people not liking them back or not being pleased with their actions.
- Others’ Opinions Matter Too Much: They give priority to others’ opinions over their own.
- Falls for Flattery: They fall for flattery too easily and may sometimes believe that they’re being appreciated even when that isn’t the case.
- Never Getting Angry: They never get angry or show their true feelings because they’re afraid of losing their pleasing nature.
- Lying: They may lie about their actions and feelings to avoid hurting others’ feelings.
- Can’t Take Criticism: Criticism may be too hard to accept when they’re criticized because of their people pleasing tendencies.
- Hating Anyone Who Sees Them as Fake: People who see them as fake may anger them or cause them to feel sadness.
Overcoming People Pleasing
Overcoming people-pleasing tendencies starts with self-respect and confidence. A person should value themselves and their opinions enough that they do not feel the need to adapt to pleasing everyone all the time.
Here are some tips:
- Believe in Yourself: People pleasers should learn to believe in themselves and their innate value as people.
- Caring for Those Who Care: A person should focus more on the people who value them already rather than trying to please people who wouldn’t do the same for them.
- Loss of People Pleasing Cravings: A person should learn to let go of the cravings that helped facilitate people pleasing habits.
- Caring for Loved Ones: People pleasers should start by catering to the need of their loved ones over people who do not matter.
- Drawing Boundaries: Drawing personal boundaries will ensure that a person understands what they can and cannot tolerate, ensuring that they do not compromise on their integrity at any point.
In conclusion, it’s okay to want to please others, but over-pleasing can have negative effects on your life.
There are recognizable signs of an over-eager people pleaser that you should be aware of, but it’s never too late to overcome people pleasing tendencies by caring for your loved ones, drawing boundaries, caring for people who care, and most importantly, believing in yourself. In conclusion, people pleasing can have both positive and negative effects on an individual’s life.
It’s essential to strike a balance between accommodating others and taking care of oneself. Understanding the characteristics, reasons, and types of people pleasers can help an individual recognize their tendencies and work towards overcoming them.
Learning to value oneself, drawing personal boundaries, and caring for loved ones can go a long way in breaking free from the toxic cycle of people pleasing. Remember, true happiness comes from being authentic and genuine, and building meaningful relationships with others.
