The Mating Grounds

Unlocking the Power of Curiosity: The Key to Better Communication

The Importance of Curiosity in Communication

Communication is an essential part of any relationship, whether it’s with our partners, friends, or colleagues. However, oftentimes, we may find ourselves in argumentative situations where we feel like our point of view is not being heard, or worse, devalued.

This is where the importance of curiosity comes in. By valuing perspectives, we can foster healthy communication and build positive relationships with the people around us.

Valuing Perspectives

In any conversation, it’s important to recognize that everyone has their own unique perspective. When we take the time to understand each other’s points of view, we can create space for meaningful dialogue and collaboration.

If we approach communication with a closed mindset, we may tend to focus more on maintaining our own perspective rather than hearing others’ ideas. This is where the importance of curiosity comes in – it allows us to express our interest in the other person’s perspective and create an open space for dialogue and growth.

The Power of Curious Questions

Curiosity is a quality that is often seen in counselors, therapists, and psychologists, as they ask curious questions to help their clients feel heard and understood. However, this quality is also essential in building positive adult relationships.

Curious questions are questions that seek to understand rather than to judge or criticize. By asking open-ended questions, we can create space for the other person to share their thoughts and feelings without feeling judged or shut down.

This also allows us to listen actively with the intention of understanding the other person’s perspective. The result is a positive relationship where both parties feel heard and validated.

Open Questions vs. Closed Questions

Curious questions are usually open-ended, meaning that they invite a multifaceted and complex response.

On the other hand, closed questions are short and canned, and often invite a one-word response. Closed questions can be useful in certain situations, such as when we need concrete information.

However, when it comes to communication, open questions are usually more effective in fostering collaboration and validating influence. When we ask open-ended questions, we invite the other person to share their reality with us, which can help build trust and understanding.

Open questions also allow us to gather more information and create a more comprehensive picture of the issue at hand.

Examples of Open and

Closed Approaches in Conversation

Now that we understand the importance of curiosity in communication, let’s take a look at some examples of open and closed approaches in conversation.

Closed Approaches

Expressing Opinion: “This is the right way to do it.”

Maintaining: “I don’t want to argue about it, let’s just do it my way.”

Telling Opinion: “I already know what you’re thinking, so this is how we’ll do it.”

Stating Limited Options: “We only have two choices here – A or B.”

Establishing Status: “I’m the one in charge, so we’ll do it my way.”

Open Approaches

Expressing Curiosity: “I’m curious, what is your point of view on this?”

Nurturing: “I want us both to feel heard, so let’s talk about what’s important to each of us.”

Collaborating: “Let’s brainstorm some ideas together that could work for both of us.”

Information Gathering: “Can you help me understand why you see things this way?”

Validating: “I want to make sure I understand what you’re saying. Is this what you mean?”

By using open approaches in conversation and practicing curiosity, we can foster more positive relationships and create space for growth and understanding.

Remember, communication is a two-way street, and when we actively listen and value the other person’s perspective, we can build better relationships and solve problems more effectively. 3) Combining Open and

Closed Approaches in Communication

While open and closed approaches have their benefits in communication, we can most effectively communicate when we combine both approaches.

By using curiosity questions and a mix of open and closed questions, we can create a balanced approach that helps us clarify, understand, and validate perspectives.

Benefits of Combining Approaches

By using curiosity questions and open approaches, we can foster a positive environment for dialogue and collaboration. This allows us to create a space for healthy communication and prevents misunderstandings and conflicts from arising.

When we use closed approaches to clarify and validate, we can also repair misunderstandings and conflicts. By closing out parts of the conversation and clarifying our understanding, we can work together with our partner to repair any damage that may have been done.

Exercise for Practicing Curiosity Questions

To use both approaches in a conversation, it can be helpful to practice asking curiosity questions and using both open and closed questions. The following exercise can help us develop our skills.

First, start by telling a story to your partner. Then, ask them three questions about the story the first question should be a closed question, the second should be an open question, and the third should be a closed question.

For example:

-I went hiking yesterday. -Were you alone?

(closed question)

-What did the trail look like? (open question)

-Did you see any animals?

(closed question)

By switching back and forth between open and closed questions, we can gain more information about the story while also validating and clarifying the speaker’s perspective.

General Flow of Conversation

It’s important to note that when using a mix of open and closed questions, the conversation’s general flow is essential. The conversation should flow naturally, allowing both people to contribute equally.

The conversation should start with a neutral or positive tone, focusing on establishing comfort and trust. This can be done through small talk or asking general questions to find common ground.

As conversation progresses, we can begin to ask more open questions to gather information, validate the other person’s perspective, and encourage collaboration. This helps us establish a positive and constructive environment for discussion.

When we need to clarify or validate information, we can then use closed questions. These questions help us confirm our understanding and make sure that we are on the same page with our partner.

4) Pitfalls in Communication Modes

Even with the best intentions, communication can sometimes go awry, and misunderstandings or conflicts can arise. Here are some common pitfalls that we may encounter when communicating:

Assumption: We often assume that the person we are speaking to understands our perspective or knows our intentions.

This can lead to misunderstandings and conflict. Generalization: We may generalize or oversimplify our perspectives, using sweeping statements that do not accurately represent our beliefs or feelings.

Judgement: We may be quick to judge the other person or their perspective, which can make them feel undervalued and lead to defensiveness. Nonverbal Communication: Our tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language can send unintended messages that do not align with our words.

To avoid these pitfalls, we can focus on active listening, seeking to understand the other person’s perspective, and avoiding assumptions or generalizations. We can also be mindful of our nonverbal communication, ensuring that it aligns with our words and intentions.


Effective communication requires a holistic approach that combines open and closed approaches, curiosity questions, and active listening. By practicing these communication skills, we can foster positive relationships and create a healthy environment for dialogue and collaboration.

However, we must also be aware of common pitfalls and actively work to prevent them. By doing so, we can improve our communication skills and build stronger relationships with the people around us.

Effective communication skills are crucial in fostering positive relationships, resolving misunderstandings, and collaborating with others. To achieve this, we need to combine both open and closed approaches, use curiosity questions and active listening, and be aware of common communication pitfalls.

By valuing perspectives, actively listening, and practicing a mix of open and closed questions, we can create a safe and constructive environment to work towards understanding and resolving conflicts. Being mindful and practicing these skills can help us improve our communication abilities and build stronger relationships with the people in our lives.

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