The Mating Grounds

Why Avoiding Fights in Your Relationship Could be the Biggest Mistake You Make: The Importance of Fighting Fairly

Why Fighting in a Relationship is Important

Relationships are a beautiful thing. When you find someone you connect with, someone who makes your heart skip a beat, and your life better, it’s amazing.

But relationships also come with their own challenges. One of these challenges is fighting.

Nobody enters a relationship intending to fight, but disagreements are inevitable. If you avoid fighting in your relationship, you might be doing more harm than good.

Avoiding Fighting in a Relationship

People avoid fighting in their relationships for various reasons, including self-preservation, fear of hurting their partner, fear of a breakup, and even the desire for perfection. By avoiding disagreements, you might believe that you’re protecting your relationship and avoiding any possible conflict.

But the truth is, avoiding conflict only creates tension and resentment that can harm your relationship in the long run.

Importance of Fighting in a Relationship

Fighting in a relationship is important because it helps to deal with disagreements, which are inevitable. No two people are the same, even the closest couples disagree on a thing or two.

It’s how you deal with the disagreements that matter. When you fight fair and come to a resolution together, it builds a strong relationship.

But when you avoid dealing with the issue, it can lead to bigger problems in the future. Healthy vs.

Unhealthy Fighting Styles

Not all fights are created equal. There are healthy ways to fight that can strengthen your relationship and unhealthy ways that can do the opposite.

Understanding your fighting style, and that of your partner, can help you communicate better and build a stronger bond. Here’s a breakdown of the five healthy fighting styles:



In this fighting style, you treat the issue at hand as a win or lose situation, and you are keen on winning. You use forceful language and tone to assert dominance.

While this style can help resolve some problems, it is not sustainable in the long run, and it might even create more conflicts. 2.


In this fighting style, you try to avoid the issue altogether. You might avoid the conversation or pretend that everything is okay.

This fighting style might work for minor issues, but it’s not a long-term solution.

Avoiding the issue only creates more tension and frustration.



In this fighting style, you give in to your partner’s wishes to avoid conflict.

You put your needs last to keep the peace. While compromise is important in any relationship, accommodating your partner all the time can lead to resentment and feelings of neglect.



In this fighting style, you and your partner come up with a mutually beneficial solution.

You both give and take to find common ground. This fighting style works best when both parties are willing to compromise.



In this fighting style, you and your partner work together to come up with a resolution that benefits both of you.

You listen actively to each other and work together to come up with a solution. This fighting style can build empathy and understanding, and it strengthens the bond between partners.

How Fighting in a Relationship Can Make a Relationship Stronger

Fighting in a relationship can transform your relationship into a stronger and more stable one. Here’s how:


Avoidance Leads to Tension and Resentment

Avoiding conflicts in a relationship only builds tension and resentment between partners. It doesn’t matter how small or trivial you think the disagreement is, avoiding it altogether creates a buildup of negative emotions that can harm your relationship.

2. Unresolved Issues Lead to Bigger Problems

When you avoid conflicts, you’re not solving the underlying problem.

Unresolved issues accumulate with time and create bigger problems in the future, issues that could have been resolved earlier. It’s essential to address and resolve the problem as soon as possible to avoid more significant problems in the future.

3. Healthy Ways of Dealing with Disagreements

Open and honest communication, active listening, and respect for your partner are among the healthy ways of dealing with disagreements.

When you communicate openly and listen actively to your partner’s point of view, it builds empathy and understanding. 4.

Benefits of Fighting Fairly

Fighting fairly involves collaborative problem-solving that brings partners closer together. Solving conflicts together strengthens the bond between partners, leading to more profound feelings of love and connection.


Fighting in a relationship is unavoidable. Disagreements are bound to arise, and it’s how you deal with them that matters.

Avoiding conflict only creates tension and resentment that can harm your relationship in the long run. Unhealthy fighting styles can also harm your relationship, but learning healthy fighting styles can make your relationship stronger.

Fighting fairly not only solves the problem, but it also strengthens the bond between partners. When you communicate openly and listen actively to each other, you build empathy and understanding, creating a more profound and stable relationship that can stand the test of time.

Unhealthy vs. Healthy Fighting Styles

Fighting in a relationship can either lead to a stronger connection between partners or damage your relationship irreparably.

This is because how you fight and manage conflict in your relationship can significantly affect your relationship’s stability. Here are five unhealthy and healthy ways of fighting in a relationship.


Competing is one of the most unhealthy ways of fighting in a relationship. In this style, issues are treated as a win-lose situation, and both partners become enemies competing for the upper hand.

Thus, this approach usually leads to a hostile and aggressive environment, where partners dictate rather than negotiate a solution.


The avoiding style of conflict management is when one or both partners ignore the issues at hand. The problem with avoiding is that the more issues are brushed under the rug, the higher the chances of them compounding, leading to a breaking point.

The longer a person avoids an issue, the more likely it is that it will become a bigger problem that is challenging to solve.


Accommodating is when one partner gives in to the other partner’s wishes to avoid confrontations. This style of fighting can lead to an imbalance of power dynamic, creating feelings of resentment towards the partner who is always getting what they want.

Such feelings can lead to disproportionate power in the relationship, resulting in the more accommodating partner’s needs being neglected and feeling undervalued.


Compromising is a healthy way to manage conflicts in a relationship. In this style of conflict management, both partners give up some of their positions to arrive at an amicable solution.

Although it may not be the perfect solution for both parties, both partners give up something to get something in return.

Compromising is a fair method of conflict management, but it’s not ideal since one or both partners will need to make some sacrifices.


The best way to fight in a relationship is through collaboration. In this style of conflict management, both partners work together to solve the issues, and no one wins at the expense of the other.

Collaborating requires patience and empathy as it involves active listening, honesty, and the willingness to understand and appreciate the other partner’s point of view. In this approach, both partners contribute to finding a solution by giving each other the respect and attention they deserve.

How To Fight Better in A Relationship

Fighting is natural in a relationship and how you fight matters a lot. When done correctly, disagreements in a relationship can help foster a deeper emotional connection between partners.

If done poorly, they can erode the connection between partners, leading to misunderstandings and feelings of resentment. Therefore, it’s crucial to engage in healthy fights that are constructive.

The following are some tips on how to fight better in a relationship.

Importance of Fighting Fairly and Lovingly

Fighting fairly means engaging in a conversation that is “clean” or devoid of anger and aggression, while fighting lovingly involves maintaining a respectful and considerate attitude towards your partner. This approach removes drama and ego from the discussion, which ensures open communication, respect for your partner, and equality between partners.

Steps to Fight Fairly and Lovingly

1. Identify the Problem and Unmet Needs

Take some time to reflect on what’s bothering you.

Identifying the problem and your unmet needs allows you to express yourself more effectively in the discussion. By focusing on the issue and not your partner, you create a healthy space for resolving the conflict.

2. Make a Date

Avoid confronting your partner when you’re upset or angry.

Instead, schedule a time and place where both you and your partner can engage in the discussion comfortably. 3.

Describe the Problem and Needs

When addressing the issue, be factual with your statements, and avoid finger-pointing or blame games. Phrase your statements in a way that helps your partner understand your viewpoint, highlighting your feelings and unmet needs.

For instance, instead of saying, “You are always terribly late,” say, “It makes me feel disrespected when you are not on time for our scheduled appointments.”

4. Consider Your Partner’s Point of View

Hear what your partner has to say.

Allow them to express themselves and their feelings on the matter. By showing your partner that you value their opinion and perspective, you are likely to create a conversation and reach a fair resolution that works for both of you.

5. Negotiate a Solution

Based on the information each partner has presented, work together to find a solution that best suits both of you.

Aim towards a win-win situation. 6.

Follow Up With the Solution

Follow-up with your partner to ensure that the solution is working effectively. The commitment to the solution demonstrates that you care about the relationship and your partner’s feelings.


Fighting in a relationship can be challenging, and the various fighting styles and approaches can make an already difficult concept even more complicated. Therefore, it is imperative to adopt a healthy fighting style and learn how to fight fairly and lovingly when disagreements arise.

By developing strong communication skills and keeping in mind the importance of collaboration, partners can overcome conflicts together and strengthen their relationship. In conclusion, fighting in a relationship can either bring couples closer together or drive them apart, depending on how they handle it.

Unhealthy fighting styles such as avoiding and competing can lead to resentment, misunderstandings, and unmet emotional needs, while healthy styles such as compromising and collaborating can help couples resolve issues better. By adopting a fair and loving approach to fighting, couples can build stronger communication and problem-solving skills, leading to deeper emotional connections and increased trust between partners.

In the end, fighting is an essential part of any relationship, and learning how to fight fairly and lovingly can help couples strengthen their bond effectively.

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