Why You Should Never Try to Change Your Partner
We all have our quirks and idiosyncrasies, and when we fall in love with someone, we accept and even adore those unique traits that make our partners who they are. However, there may come a time when we begin to realize that some of the things that we once found endearing may become sources of frustration or conflict in the relationship.
It’s in these moments that we may start to consider changing our partners. But before we embark on that journey, let’s explore why trying to change your partner is a terrible idea.
Common Areas People Try to Change
Religion and Politics: Lefty, Righty, Christian, Atheist
One of the significant areas where people try to change their partners is in the realm of religion and politics. If you’re an atheist, and your partner is a devout Christian, you may struggle to understand their belief system, and it may bother you.
Alternatively, if you find yourself on the left side of the political spectrum, and your partner is on the right, you may find their views to be ignorant or offensive. Homebase: Different States or Countries
Another area where couples may struggle is when they have different ideas about where to live.
One person may want to stay close to family, while the other may dream of living an adventurous life, traveling the world. Such differences can put a strain on even the strongest of relationships.
Disagreements About Family Planning: Kids, Number of Kids
A vital decision that many couples must make is whether or not to have children and how many. For some, the idea of starting a family is non-negotiable, while others may feel that they’re not ready or want to prioritize their careers instead.
Dislike of Friends or Family
Another common area of contention is when one partner doesn’t get along with the other’s family or friends. Suppose your partner is always making snide remarks about your best friends or complains about spending time with your family.
In that case, it can create a wedge in the relationship and breed resentment.
Mental Health Issues
Mental health is a highly personal and complex aspect of our lives. If your partner is struggling with anxiety, depression, or addiction, it can be challenging to know how to support them.
Still, it’s not your place to force them to change their behaviors or seek help if they’re not ready.
Damage Incurred When Trying to Change Partner
1. Disrespectful: Breaking Down Self Esteem, Hurting Feelings, Demeaning Sense of Self
Trying to change your partner can be incredibly disrespectful.
It sends a message that you don’t accept them for who they are, and that they need to change to meet your expectations. This can break down their self-esteem, hurt their feelings, and make them feel inadequate.
2. Emotional Distance: Push Partner Away and Cause Distance in the Relationship
Attempts to change your partner can also have the opposite effect of what you intend.
It can push your partner away and create distance in the relationship. No one wants to feel like they’re being criticized or judged, and if you’re constantly trying to change them, they may feel like they can’t be themselves around you.
3. You Wouldn’t Accept it: Role Reversal and Thinking of Being Constantly Picked Apart
Imagine for a moment that your partner was continually trying to change you.
You probably wouldn’t appreciate it very much and might even feel resentful or angry. Putting yourself in your partner’s shoes can help you understand why trying to change them is not a healthy or effective way to approach relationship issues.
4. Never Satisfied: Leave Partner Feeling Unworthy, Leave You Emotionally Exhausted
Finally, trying to change your partner can leave them feeling unworthy and can lead to a sense of chronic dissatisfaction in the relationship.
It can also leave you feeling emotionally exhausted and drained. Trying to change someone is an uphill battle, and it’s not a sustainable or fulfilling way to navigate a relationship.
Positive Changes Come Over Time, Not Force
Encouraging Someone to Be Their Best Self is Admirable
It’s important to note that there’s nothing wrong with encouraging your partner to be their best selves. Suppose you notice that they’re struggling with self-confidence or could benefit from therapy to manage their anxiety.
In that case, it’s reasonable and admirable to suggest that they seek help.
Forcibly Trying to Change Your Spouse Can Do More Damage than Good
However, forcibly trying to change your partner will do more harm than good. Change happens naturally over time, and putting pressure on your spouse to change will likely have the opposite effect.
Natural for Growth and Change in Couples to Happen Naturally
It’s natural for growth and change to happen in couples over time. People evolve and change, and relationships are no different.
Instead of trying to change your partner, focus on communicating your needs and concerns in a constructive and respectful way. Suppose you feel like there’s a specific behavior that’s bothering you.
In that case, it’s essential to address it with empathy and understanding and work together to find a solution. Research Shows Changing Partners Doesn’t Change Relationship Dynamics Per Se
It’s also worth noting that changing partners doesn’t necessarily change the relationship dynamics per se.
Suppose you’re having the same problems with your current partner that you’ve had in previous relationships. In that case, you may need to explore what’s driving those patterns and address them with therapy or counseling.
In conclusion, trying to change your partner is a surefire way to cause damage in a relationship. Rather than focusing on changing your partner, focus on communication, empathy, and mutual respect.
Remember that growth and change happen naturally over time and that your role as a partner is to support and encourage your spouse to be their best selves.
Accept Your Partner and Treat Them with Love and Respect
When we fall in love, we’re often drawn in by our partner’s unique qualities and quirks. As we get to know them better, we may start to notice things that we’d like to change.
Perhaps we wish they were more ambitious, tidier, or extroverted. We may even feel like we’re doing them a favor by trying to push them towards a better version of themselves.
However, it’s crucial to remember that accepting your partner for who they are and treating them with love and respect is the bedrock of a healthy and happy relationship.
Strive to Treat Your Spouse with Love and Respect
Treating your spouse with love and respect means accepting them for who they are and not trying to change them to fit your idealized version of a partner. It means setting healthy boundaries, communicating your needs in a constructive way, and working together to find solutions to problems that arise.
When we focus on treating our partners with love and respect, we create a safe and trusting environment where they feel free to be themselves. We show them that they are valued and appreciated, even if they have flaws or make mistakes.
It’s not always easy to show love and respect, especially in times of conflict or stress, but it’s essential to the health and longevity of the relationship. Enjoy Them for Who They Are Now, Not Who They Could Be Someday
It’s easy to fall into the trap of wishing that our partners were different in some way.
We may convince ourselves that they would be perfect if they were more ambitious, better with money, or more social. However, when we focus on these “what-if” scenarios, we miss out on enjoying our partners for who they are right now.
We all have room for growth and improvement, but it’s important not to put our partners on the hook for our own expectations. Instead of trying to change them, try to embrace their unique qualities and celebrate what makes them who they are.
When we appreciate our partners for who they are now, we show them that we love and accept them just the way they are. Growing Together, Changing and Maturing, and Reaching Your Potential Are Healthy Goals for All Couples
While accepting our partners as they are is essential, it’s also important to recognize that growth and change are natural and healthy parts of any relationship.
As we go through life together, we’ll face challenges, overcome obstacles, and experience personal growth and transformation. Couples who are committed to growing together and reaching their potential as individuals and as a team have a strong foundation for a long and healthy relationship.
When we support our partners’ growth and encourage them to be their best selves, we show them that we believe in their potential and want to walk alongside them on their journey.
There Is a Vast Difference Between Encouraging Your Spouse to Be Their Best Self and Trying to Completely Change Who They Are
It’s essential to recognize that there is a vast difference between encouraging our partners to be their best selves and trying to change who they are fundamentally. When we encourage our partners to be their best selves, we do so in a loving and respectful way.
We celebrate their accomplishments, help them identify their strengths, and work together to overcome their weaknesses. Trying to change who our partners are fundamentally, on the other hand, is a recipe for disaster.
When we try to change our partners, we send the message that they’re not good enough as they are. We create an environment of criticism and judgment, and leave our partners feeling insecure and unloved.
In conclusion, accepting your partner for who they are and treating them with love and respect is essential to a healthy and happy relationship. While it’s important to encourage our partners to be their best selves, it’s equally important not to try to change who they are fundamentally.
By celebrating our partners’ unique qualities and supporting their growth, we create a strong and lasting foundation for a successful relationship. In conclusion, trying to change your partner is a recipe for disaster in a relationship.
Instead, accepting your partner for who they are and treating them with love and respect are essential to a healthy relationship. While encouraging your partner to be their best selves is commendable, trying to change who they fundamentally are is not.
The key to a successful relationship lies in communicating with empathy and mutual respect, and supporting each other’s growth and transformation. Remember, accepting your partner for who they are will lead to a stronger and happier relationship in the long run.