WARNING: You Might Be the Backup Boyfriend!
Have you ever felt like you’re the second choice in a relationship? Or maybe you’ve been keeping someone on the backburner just in case your primary love interest doesn’t work out.
Well, my friend, you may be a backup boyfriend. And it’s time to face the truth before it’s too late.
So, what exactly is a backburner relationship? It’s when someone keeps you around as a potential love interest but doesn’t fully commit to you.
They might be seeing other people or just not ready for a serious relationship yet. You’re essentially a backup plan, someone they can fall back on if nothing else works out.
Now, here’s the thing: a backburner relationship isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes, people just need time to figure things out before they can commit fully.
But, the problem arises when the person you’re seeing is using you as a backup plan without being transparent about their intentions.
Relationship or Backup Plan – Know the Difference
When you’re in a committed, long-term relationship, you’re biding time together. Building a relationship, enjoying each other’s company, and making each other a priority.
But when you’re on the backburner, there may be troubling signs and red flags that you’re just a backup plan. They might be toying with your heart and making you emotionally invested in something they have no real intention of following through on.
Who is a Backup Boyfriend? If you’re the standby lover for someone in a committed relationship, you’re the backup boyfriend.
This person may already be in a long-term relationship, but they keep you around for assurance, or as their quintessential good man, with an average lifestyle, that doesn’t threaten their existing relationship stability. You’re vulnerable to emotional manipulation and heartbreak.
15 Signs You Are Her Backup Plan – A Backup Boyfriend
Are you worried that you might be someone’s backup boyfriend? Here are some signs that you might be on the backburner:
The Girl Continues the Relationship on Her Terms
If you find yourself constantly setting boundaries, not being allowed on social media, being hidden in public, or not meeting any of her friends, you’re probably not a priority in her life.
She Doesn’t Discuss Exclusivity
If you’re not having discussions about exclusivity, or she’s constantly on dating apps or flirting, she might not take your relationship seriously.
She Avoids Physical Intimacy
If she’s always creating personal space or avoids getting too close, it may be a sign that she’s not ready to commit emotionally and physically.
She Seems Distracted When She Is With You
If she’s not invested in the relationship or seems distracted by her phone or other circumstances, it could symbolize a lack of interest or vulnerability.
She’s Not Available on Weekends
If she cancels last minute because of her friends or never considers spending a weekend with you, she might not prioritize the relationship.
Her Social Media is Abuzz with Other Guys
If she’s constantly posting or socializing with other guys on social media with no exclusivity or competition, you may be just one of many.
You Have Never Met Her Close Friends
If you’ve been seeing each other for a while, but she’s still avoiding serious talk or avoiding labels, it means you’re not considered important enough to integrate into her life.
She Does Not Share Things with You
If she’s emotionally distant and doesn’t tend to be vulnerable and share her life’s aspects, she doesn’t factor in your opinion or feelings as relevant to hers.
The Girl Is Not Emotionally Invested in the Relationship
If you feel like you’re the second choice and the relationship is not progressing, you’re not significant enough to be her one and only primary love interest.
Yet, She Can’t Bear the Idea of You Moving On
If she’s jealous or overprotective of you, she might not want to lose you, but at the same time, she’s not ready to commit to you.
Any Confrontations Lead to Dramatic Reactions
If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells and any confrontations lead to crying, unreasonable behavior, trickery, or you ending up strung along, you may have a manipulative partner.
She Backs Out of Plans Last Minute
If she’s not considerate of your time and cancels on you last minute or changes the plans altogether, you might not be a priority in her life.
Dating Her Is Turning Out to Be Expensive
If she seems to drain your wallet systematically and takes more from the relationship than what she’s willing to give, you may be a cash cow.
She Compares You to Other Guys
If she sees faults in you or belittles your behavior through comparison to other guys, she’s probably emotionally manipulative.
Your Gut Tells You That Something is Amiss
If you’re not happy and constantly questioning the relationship’s stability and progress, your insecurities are telling you that you’re just a backup boy.
Conclusion
Being someone’s backup plan isn’t ideal. No one wants to feel like they’re not a priority or an afterthought.
The good news is that recognizing the signs of a backburner relationship is the first step to take control and decide if that’s the kind of relationship you want to pursue. Remember, you deserve to be someone‘s one and only, not just their backup plan.
Standby Partners and Relationships: Keeping Your Options Open
Love and relationships can be overwhelmingly confusing, with so many options and variables that it’s no wonder many people end up feeling lost. One such option is the standby partner or lover – someone with whom we keep a relationship going but aren’t fully committed to them.
This kind of relationship is also known as a backburner relationship since these partners are usually kept on the back burner if our primary love interest doesn’t work out.
What You Should Know About Standby Partners and Relationships
Standby partners are people who we keep around as a backup option, someone to stay with us until we find a better option. This relationship might sound odd, but it’s more common than you might think.
Many of us are wary of being alone and tend to hold onto relationships for longer than is necessary. We keep standby partners around to cater to our emotional needs and not wanting to be left alone.
But what makes standby relationships so confusing and overwhelming is the uncertainty involved. We’re not sure if our partner is fully committed or if they’ll leave us for someone else when an opportunity arises.
Why Do Women Feel the Need for a Backup Boyfriend?
Many women keep standby boyfriends because they fear being alone and want to be sure they don’t miss out on anything important.
For instance, after crossing off the necessary milestones like graduating college and landing their dream job, they might feel like it’s time to settle down and find someone to share their life with. This pressure to hit certain milestones leaves many women feeling anxious and searching for a partner in case that opportunity comes, and they don’t want to miss their chance.
Moreover, women seeking emotional support might keep a standby boyfriend to provide the attention and care they crave to maintain emotional stability. They know that this person may not be the one they want to spend the rest of their life with, but they stick around, nonetheless, to get the emotional support they need.
To Be or Not to Be?
While standby relationships might provide a sense of emotional safety and support, they’re still not ideal, and it might be time to rethink if you’re in one.
A standby partner should never be confused with casual sex or a fling. They’re less about physical pleasure and more emotional support, which means both partners need to be on the same page.
If you’re holding on to a standby relationship but aren’t emotionally invested in it, it’s best to communicate your needs and intentions. Keeping someone on a backburner without their knowledge and leading them on is hurtful and manipulative.
You might have realized that this person doesn’t fit what you’re looking for, but you’re unwilling to let go. These relationships aren’t fair and only add more confusion and uncertainty to our lives, so it’s best to take a step back and break things off with honesty and compassion.
Conclusion
Standby relationships can be both a blessing and a curse; they offer comfort and emotional support, but they also create uncertainty and confusion about the real nature of the relationship. If you’re in such a relationship, it’s essential to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your intentions and goals.
Remember, honesty is the key to any healthy relationship, whether it’s casual or long-term. In conclusion, understanding the dynamics of standby relationships can be beneficial in providing clarity and preventing undue emotional entanglement.
It’s crucial to distinguish between casual flings and standbys and communicate honestly with our partners about what we want and expect from the relationship. While having a backup plan can be a tempting option in the face of uncertainty, it’s essential to ensure that our actions are ethical, transparent, and fair to everyone involved, so that we can build healthy, fulfilling relationships in the long term.
