The Mating Grounds

17 Signs Your Coworker is Having an Affair: What to Do About it?

Have you ever had a crush on a coworker? You’re not alone.

It’s estimated that up to 40% of people have engaged in a workplace affair at some point in their career. This may come as a surprise, but when you spend long hours together and share common goals, it’s easy to develop an attraction.

However, workplace affairs can be risky, especially when they involve a married colleague. Let’s take a closer look at the signs of a workplace affair, so you can be aware of the red flags and avoid getting involved in a situation that could negatively impact your career and personal life.

17 Signs of Workplace Affairs

1. He’s Overjoyed To Go to Work (And Is Always “Working” at Home)

If he’s constantly working, even during his downtime, it could indicate a workaholic mindset.

However, it’s also possible that he’s using work as an excuse to get away from his home life and spend more time with his lover. If you sense that he’s not being completely honest about the work he’s doing, it’s worth a closer look.

2. He’s Overly Affectionate With You

If he’s suddenly showering you with affection, it could be due to a lack of intimacy in his relationship.

However, it could also be a way for him to compensate for the guilt he feels from cheating on his partner. If you’re uncomfortable with his behavior, it’s important to communicate your feelings and consider couples counseling.

3. He’s Always Complaining About Homelife

If he frequently talks about problems at home, it could indicate that he’s going through a mid-life crisis or personal crisis.

However, it could also be a sign that he’s mentally checked out of his relationship and is emotionally investing elsewhere. 4.

He No Longer Has Time for Meaningful Conversations

If he’s evasive or withdrawn when you try to talk to him, it could be a sign that he’s redirecting his emotional energy toward his lover. His communication style may have changed, and he may no longer be interested in connecting with you on a deeper level.

5. His Confidence Skyrockets

If he’s suddenly more self-assured and haughty than usual, it could indicate that he’s getting validation and affirmation from his extramarital affair.

The newfound confidence is often a result of being enamored with someone else, making him feel desirable and attractive. 6.

You Find Another Person’s Belongings

If you stumble upon another person’s belongings, such as clothing or a personal item, it’s time to trust your spidey sense. He may try to give you a reasonable explanation, such as a coworker accidentally leaving something behind, but it’s important to remain defensive and cautious.

7. He’s Into New Things

If he suddenly displays enthusiasm for new hobbies or interests, it could be a sign that he’s trying to broaden his horizons for his own benefit.

It’s worth pointing out that this newfound interest may not involve you or the rest of his family. 8.

He’s More Forgetful than Usual

If he’s consistently forgetting important tasks or failing to fulfill his responsibilities, it could be due to having too much on his plate. However, it’s also possible that he’s losing focus due to the stress and emotional expense of infidelity.

9. He Gaslights You When You Ask About His Changed Behavior

If he makes you feel crazy for asking about his changed behavior, it’s called gaslighting, and it’s a common tactic used by cheaters.

He may become defensive and accuse you of being paranoid or jealous, when in reality, you may be catching on to something he doesn’t want you to know. 10.

He Doesn’t Want You Visiting Him at Work

If he becomes defensive when you suggest visiting him at work, it could be a red flag. He may use excuses such as being too busy, but it’s worth looking into why he’s so resistant to you meeting his colleagues.

11. His Stories Are Constantly Changing

If he’s constantly changing his stories or forgetting important details, it could be a sign that he’s lying about his extramarital activities.

Double-checking his stories may reveal holes or inconsistencies that could confirm your suspicions. 12.

He’s Always on Business Trips Now

If he’s suddenly taking frequent business trips, it could be a sign of personal crisis. However, if you find that his bills and accounts don’t add up, it’s worth investigating whether he’s using business trips as an excuse to be with his lover.

13. He’ll Accuse You of Cheating

If he’s cheating on you, he may project his guilt by accusing you of cheating.

More often than not, it’s a sign that he’s feeling guilty himself and is trying to deflect the blame onto you. 14.

Your Arguments Become More Dramatic

If your arguments become toxic or dramatic, it could be due to infidelity. He may become easily triggered and defensive due to the stress and guilt of his affair.

15. He Never Talks About Work With You Anymore

If he’s stopped discussing work with you, it could be a sign of infidelity.

Many cheaters avoid talking about work to avoid slipping up or revealing their extramarital affairs. 16.

He Constantly Talks About a New Coworker

If he talks about a new coworker at length or displays an unusual interest in someone else, it may indicate that he’s interested in them on a deeper level. Be on the lookout for idiocy or enamored behavior.

17. He’s Newly Obsessed With His Appearance

If he suddenly undergoes a drastic personal makeover, such as getting in shape or purchasing new clothes, it may be a sign of personal crisis or infidelity.

The newfound interest in appearance may be a way to make himself look more attractive to his lover.


It’s important to remember that not all of these signs are indicative of a workplace affair. However, if you notice several of these signs at once, it may be worth taking a closer look.

Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide what to do with this information. Whether it’s confronting him or seeking couples counseling, it’s essential to prioritize your emotional and mental wellbeing.

Remember, you don’t have to deal with this alone.

3) How Affairs Start with a Coworker


Work typically eats up most of our time. With long hours and deadlines to meet, it’s no surprise that we often spend more time at work than we do at home.

Workplace relationships form over time, especially with coworkers who have the same positions, work on the same projects, and share similar goals. As a result, it’s more likely for people to establish casual friendships when they spend so much time together.

Obstacle Adrenaline

On the other hand, workplace affairs usually begin when the affair partners encounter an obstacle or goal that they must attain together. Scientists have proven that the feel-good hormones, adrenaline, and cortisol, are activated when someone is working towards a goal.

This is particularly exciting when the goal involves overcoming obstacles.

Casual Conversation

It’s normal for coworkers to gripe about life in the office. Sharing our frustrations with someone who understands what we’re going through can be comforting.

However, exchanging casual conversation with a coworker may create a level of approval and objectivity that reignites the initial novel spark that’s often missing from a long-term relationship.

Similar Interests

It’s possible that a shared interest and enthusiasm for work can lead to a deeper connection between coworkers. It’s not uncommon for coworkers to bond over a specific project, a business mission, or a career goal.

When two people share a common interest or are passionate about a similar thing, that commonly leads to a thriving relationship.

4) What To Do if You Suspect Your Husband May Be Having an Affair with a Coworker

Ignoring the Problem is Not the Answer

If you suspect that your husband may be having an affair with a coworker, ignoring the problem wont make it go away. It’s perfectly normal to be conflicted, worried, and devastated, but festering communication difficulties, lies, or infidelity leads to a mangled marriage or personal relationship.


Before jumping into the conversation with your partner, take some time to write out your thoughts and feelings.

Journaling can be a great way to brainstorm how you want to approach the situation and communicate your feelings effectively.

It can also provide you with a broader perspective on what is happening, which helps you confront the situation free of emotions and in a more logical way.

Enlisting a Good Friend

Choose a friend who has shown their objectivity in the past to help you evaluate your options and make the right decision. An objective person will provide you with a different perspective and can help prepare your emotions for a potentially challenging conversation.

Having the Discussion

When having a discussion, do it in a safe and comfortable space. The conversation doesn’t have to be tense.

Start by asking specific questions, and listen carefully to the answers. Your approach should emphasize convenience and calmness, as you should approach your partner with empathy and kindness.

This approach can ensure that you get a better outcome and is more likely to encourage honesty.

Infidelity is Challenging

Infidelity can be challenging to deal with. After your partner confesses or you confront them about their extramarital affair with a colleague, you might feel like your world ended.

But remember, you have options. You can choose to end the relationship or attempt reconciliation.

Regardless of your decision, be diligent about healing fully. Understand that It’s not your fault, and the only person you can control are your actions and perspective on the situation.

In conclusion, workplace affairs can be common, but recognizing the signs and taking action to address them is crucial for maintaining both your personal and professional life. Spending more time with a coworker, overcoming obstacles, sharing casual conversations, and having similar interests could all lead to an extramarital affair.

If you suspect that your spouse may be having an affair with a coworker, ignoring the problem is not the answer. It’s important to seek support, journal your thoughts and feelings, have honest discussions in a safe space, and take steps to heal fully, regardless of the outcome.

By recognizing the signs and acting accordingly, you can protect your wellbeing and relationships.

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