Handling the aftermath of discovering that your partner has cheated on you can be a traumatic experience. You’re likely to feel an array of emotions, from hurt, anger, betrayal, and confusion.
The first step is to confront your cheating partner. However, when you do, they may give you a list of excuses.
In this article, we’ll explore typical things cheaters say when confronted and how to tackle a cheating scenario.
Typical things cheaters say when confronted
1. You have not been close lately
One of the typical things a cheating partner might say when confronted is that you have not been close lately. They might blame you for emotionally starving them, playing the victim card.
In reality, this is just a way for them to deflect from their actions and try to make you feel like the guilty party.
2. Nothing occurred; it’s your imagination
Another popular cheat’s excuse is to deny that anything occurred at all.
They’ll try to convince you that it’s all in your imagination, and you’re just being paranoid. This is manipulative behavior, and they’re trying to twist the situation around to place the blame on you.
3. You never cared about me
One trick that cheaters love to use is manipulating words to make you feel like you’re to blame. They might tell you that you never cared about them, making it seem like the reason they cheated is your fault.
This tactic is designed to shift the focus away from their infidelity and make you feel like the guilty party.
4. I was not in my right mind
Another go-to excuse used by cheating partners is to state that they were not in their right minds.
They may say they were under pressure, feeling vulnerable in their relationship, or unable to resist temptation. While this may be a legitimate reason, it’s not an acceptable excuse for cheating on you.
5. It is not what it seems
They may try to discredit the evidence or the impression that you have of their infidelity. This could involve claiming that any messages, photos, or online conversations were taken out of context, or that they were, in fact, completely platonic in nature.
6. I don’t know why I cheated
A common excuse that cheaters often use is saying that they don’t know why they cheated. They may try to twist the situation by seeming confused about their actions, hoping to gain your sympathy.
In reality, this is just an attempt to buy them more time to come up with a plausible excuse.
7. I’m in love with them, not you
This is a hurtful excuse that is often used by unfaithful partners to justify their extramarital affair.
They may make you feel like you’re responsible for them falling out of love with you, placing the blame on you for their infidelity.
8. I was bored
Cheating partners might say that they were bored, feeling nonchalant about the relationship.
Perhaps, they may claim that everything became too predictable, and they needed a change to recapture the excitement or momentum they felt they used to have.
9. I am sorry
While remorse is a genuine feeling, an apology shouldn’t be used as a single statement to excuse their actions.
Cheating is a significant breach of trust in a relationship, and it takes more than words to restore that trust. Cheating partners should back up their apologies by taking steps to prove that they’re genuinely sorry and dedicated to changing.
10. It was just sex
Cheating partners might try to excuse their behavior by claiming that it was just physical and that they have purely moved on. This minimizes their infidelity and shows a lack of empathy for the feelings of the betrayed partner.
11. I didn’t intend to hurt you
This common excuse places the cheater on a higher pedestal, acting as if they were consciously deceived or acting on impulse for reasons that were beyond their control. It’s a way of softening the blow of their betrayal and trying to avoid any blame.
12. I was sex-starved
Another excuse that is often used is that they felt sexually unfulfilled, and that was why they cheated. Rather than immediately turning to cheating to fulfill their needs, the right thing to do is to communicate with you and seek help from a counselor.
13. It will not happen again
Cheating partners might use this as an excuse to restore trust and make amends. However, the trust once broken requires time, effort, and hard work to gain that trust back.
Instead, they need to work hard, prove their love and commitment, and make a genuine effort to change.
14. You cheated first
When faced with evidence of their infidelity, they might try to flip the blame by making you feel like you’re the one who needs to be investigated.
They might point to a flirty message, an old photograph, or some other innocuous detail to try and justify their infidelity.
15. You need to trust me
Cheating partners might use gaslighting as a way to discredit their infidelity and make you question your sanity.
They might use your broken trust to their advantage, making you feel guilty for not trusting them and putting the burden on you to repair the relationship.
16. I’m not happy with the marriage/relationship
A cheating partner may have no more excuses or want to accept responsibility for their actions.
They may blame the flaws of the marriage or relationship as a reason for their infidelity, making it seem like they were pushed towards their infidelity.
17. It happened just once
Often cheaters might try to use habits as an excuse to justify their infidelity.
They might make it seem like it was a one-off incident, and they’re not likely to repeat it in the future. However, it can be challenging to believe them, and trust needs to be re-established.
18. Nothing physical occurred
Cheaters might also try to downplay their infidelity, making it seem like nothing physical happened, and it was only emotional infidelity. However, emotional affairs can be just as damaging as physical ones, and they both require honesty and transparency to restore trust.
19. You don’t understand me
Another common excuse that cheaters like to use is that you don’t understand them. This is another way of blaming you for their infidelity and making it seem like it was the logical consequence of you not paying enough attention or being present enough in the relationship.
20. It should stay in the past
After apologizing and making amends, cheaters often might be in a hurry to move on. They might ask you to leave the past where it belongs, hoping to avoid any possible consequences.
How to tackle a cheating scenario
1. What should I do when my cheating partner refuses to apologize?
If your partner refuses to apologize for their infidelity, it may be time to reconsider whether staying in the relationship is the right thing to do.
Talking to a counselor can help you navigate through your emotions and help you make the necessary choices.
2. What can I do if my cheating partner is defensive?
Facts are critical when confronting a cheating partner. They might play defense by twisting stories and blaming you, but you need to be firm in your position and not let them off the hook easily.
It’s essential to consider your options and understand the reality of situations.
3. Do cheaters lie?
Often, cheaters lie, and if you’re uncertain whether your partner is telling the truth, trust your gut feeling. Check their phone, monitor their behavior, and look for inconsistencies in their stories.
4. What can I say to my cheating spouse after catching them cheating?
You can start by asking them to admit what they have done.
Encourage them to share why they cheated on you, what their motives were, and if there are any underlying problems in the relationship.
5. Can I trust my cheating partner again?
Trust is a fundamental aspect of any relationship, and it can be challenging to earn it back once it has been broken. However, it is possible to rebuild trust through effective communication, resolution, and genuine efforts to prove one’s love and commitment.
6. How can I build trust again?
Communication is key in rebuilding trust.
You should have frequent and honest conversations with your partner, and they must be accountable and open about their actions. It’s helpful to establish boundaries and personal values, which can help identify expectations from the relationship.
7. How can I know if my partner is lying about extramarital affairs?
If you feel like something’s not right or you’re suspicious of their behavior, you can monitor their phone and social media activity and look for any signs of strange behavior.
Be careful not to be intrusive and invasive, which can do more harm than good.
Conclusion
Confronting a cheating partner is never easy, but it’s a critical step to take to save your relationship or to move on. When your partner gives you a list of excuses, you must be aware that these excuses are primarily designed to deflect from their wrongdoing.
It’s up to you to consider your options and decide whether to rebuild trust or leave the relationship. Remember, in the end, it’s your happiness and well-being that matters, and you deserve to be treated with respect and honesty.
In conclusion, discovering that your partner has cheated on you can be a traumatizing experience. It’s essential to confront your cheating partner, but be wary of the tactics they might use, such as blaming you or deflecting responsibility.
Rebuilding trust takes time, effort, and hard work. While it’s possible to earn it back, it’s essential to make sure that your partner is accountable and genuinely committed to changing their behavior.
Remember, it’s your happiness and well-being that matter, and you deserve to be treated with respect and honesty. As difficult as it may be, learning to recognize and address cheating in a relationship is crucial to maintaining a healthy and fulfilling love life.
