How to Break Free from People Pleasing Behavior and Embrace Your Own Needs
Are you always concerned about making others happy at the expense of your own well-being? Do you constantly put others’ needs and desires ahead of your own, even if it leaves you feeling exhausted and unhappy?
If so, you may be a people pleaser. People pleasing is a common behavior in which individuals go to great lengths to make others happy and approve of them.
It can seem like a kind and selfless behavior to have, but in reality, it can have a detrimental impact on your mental health and overall well-being. If you’re feeling stuck in your people pleasing ways, don’t worry; you can overcome it.
In this article, we’ll explore the characteristics of people pleasers, the negative effects of people pleasing, and most importantly, how to break free from it.
Understanding People Pleasing
Before we delve into how to overcome people pleasing behavior, let’s take a closer look at what it is. People pleasing is the act of prioritizing the needs and desires of others over your own.
It stems from a fear of rejection, a desire for approval, and a belief that putting others first is the right thing to do. Individuals who exhibit people pleasing behavior often have low self-esteem, lack self-love, and exhibit self-destructive tendencies.
They may feel a constant need to apologize, suppress their emotions, and ignore their own needs. At its worst, people pleasing can lead to alienation and disconnection from one’s own authentic self, and make them feel like a doormat.
Negative Effects of People Pleasing
People pleasing behavior can have a huge toll on your mental health and overall well-being. It can cause chronic stress, anxiety, and depression.
When you’re constantly trying to please others, you lose your own sense of identity, and you’re left feeling cut off from your true self. This can create a sense of loneliness and alienation, as you may feel like no one truly understands you.
People pleasing behavior can also lead to a lack of joy in your life, as you’re so focused on others’ needs that you forget your own.
Signs of People Pleasing
- You do not see yourself as deserving of the kindness you extend to others.
- You constantly apologize, even when the other person is in the wrong.
- You suppress your own emotions in favor of others’ emotions.
- You tend to agree with others, even if you don’t actually share their opinion.
- You always put others’ needs ahead of your own, and ignore your own needs.
- You feel guilty whenever you say no.
- You avoid conflict, as you do not want to upset others.
Overcoming People Pleasing Behavior
Breaking free from people pleasing behavior can be a challenging process, but it’s possible. Here are some practical steps you can take to overcome it:
1. Practice Real Kindness
Instead of fake kindness, strive to practice real kindness. Real kindness is not about being nice solely for approval or recognition.
Rather, it means genuinely caring for others, while still staying true to your own needs. When you give for helping, instead of giving for approval, the rewards are twofold, as it benefits the recipient and also boosts your self-esteem.
2. Put Yourself First
Putting yourself first is not an act of selfishness, but rather, an act of self-love.
Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup, and if you’re not taking care of yourself first, you will not be able to be there fully for others. Practice self-care by attending to your needs and desires, and make sure you take time out for yourself to recharge.
3. Develop Healthy Boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries means thinking about your motives and being comfortable in prioritizing your own needs.
It may feel uncomfortable at first, but by doing so, you’re allowing yourself to prioritize your own happiness. Healthy boundaries involve sacrifice, but ultimately result in your own happiness and the happiness of those around you.
4. Wait for Someone to Ask for Help
Instead of always offering assistance, wait for someone to ask for your help.
This may seem counterintuitive, but it’s important to remember that saying no does not make you a bad person. Waiting for someone to ask you for assistance means that you are only giving help when it’s needed, as opposed to trying to please everyone around you.
5. Seek Professional Help
If your people pleasing behavior has gone beyond just an occasional occurrence, you may need to seek professional help.
Psychotherapy can help you understand the root causes of your behavior and learn coping strategies to overcome it.
The Complexities of People Pleasing
People pleasing behavior is complex and can be influenced by a variety of factors. It’s important to recognize that it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution, and the path to overcoming it will vary from person to person.
However, what’s important is recognizing the detrimental effects it can have on your quality of life. Additionally, it’s essential to recognize that people pleasing is often motivated by a desire to make loved ones happy.
However, a common misconception is that by putting others’ needs and wants first, you are showing that you care. In reality, you’re not fully present in the moment, as you’re always anticipating how best to keep others happy.
This leaves you feeling emotionally drained and hinders your ability to build genuine connections.
The Importance of Overcoming People Pleasing
Overcoming people pleasing behavior is important as it significantly improves your quality of life. By placing an emphasis on self-care, you’ll be able to build healthier relationships with yourself and those around you.
In turn, this enables you to lead a happier and more fulfilling life. Furthermore, breaking free from people pleasing behavior can open new opportunities for self-improvement and personal growth.
Constantly putting others first can hinder your ability to reach your full potential and take advantage of new opportunities. By prioritizing self-care and overcoming people pleasing behavior, you’ll be empowered to take on new challenges and reach your goals.
A Quotation to Inspire Change
Ed Sheeran, a renowned singer, songwriter and record producer, once said: “The worst thing anyone can do is not try, to be scared of failure.” This quotation is immensely relevant when it comes to overcoming people pleasing behavior. Often, we’re scared to ask for what we want or need, fearing we’ll fail to keep others happy.
What we need to recognize is that it’s far more important to take a chance and make a change in our lives, even if it ends in failure. We might fail in our pursuit of our goals, but it’s far better to fail than to live a life of regret and unhappiness.
By taking conscious steps to overcome people pleasing behavior, we become more self-aware of our desires, needs, and abilities. This allows us to take risks and grow both personally and professionally.
Conclusion
Overcoming people pleasing behavior is not a simple journey. It’s complex, and the path is unique to each individual.
However, recognizing the detrimental effects of people pleasing and the importance of prioritizing self-care is critical to achieving a happier and more fulfilling life. In the end, it’s essential to remember that living a life of authenticity and self-love is always worth pursuing- even if it means taking a chance and risking failure.
In conclusion, overcoming people pleasing behavior is a journey that is worth taking. It allows us to prioritize our needs and desires, leading to improved mental health and well-being.
By setting healthy boundaries, practicing real kindness, and prioritizing self-care, we can become empowered to take on new challenges and pursue our goals. It’s important to remember that living an authentic life grounded in self-love is always worth pursuing, and steps toward this kind of life include learning to overcome people pleasing tendencies.
By doing so, we can improve our quality of life and build stronger, more meaningful relationships with ourselves and others.
