How to Evaluate Your Relationship: A Guide to Identifying Red Flags and Examining Shared Values
When we start dating someone, it’s easy to become swept up in the excitement of a new relationship and overlook potential issues that could arise down the road. However, it’s important to take a step back and evaluate whether this person is truly a good match for us in the long run.
In this article, we’ll offer guidance on how to evaluate your relationship, identify red flags, examine shared values, evaluate effort and willingness to work on the relationship, and consider gut feelings.
Creating a Relationship Pro and Cons List
One helpful exercise is to create a list of the pros and cons of being in a relationship with this person. Consider the following factors:
Identifying Red Flags
-
Physical and Emotional Abuse: This is an obvious red flag. If your partner has ever physically or emotionally abused you, or you have witnessed them doing so to others, get out of there. Now.
-
Honesty: If your partner has repeatedly lied to you, hidden things from you, or manipulated you, this is a serious warning sign. A healthy relationship is built on trust and honesty.
-
Compromise: Relationships require compromise from both parties. If your partner is consistently stubborn or selfish and refuses to work with you to find solutions, it may be a sign that they are not willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work.
-
Communication: Communication is key in any relationship. If your partner avoids discussing important issues or conflicts, or resorts to gossiping to others instead of directly addressing the problem with you, this could be a red flag.
-
Other Issues: Substance abuse, difficult personalities, prejudice, entitlement, and an excessive preoccupation with past relationships are also red flags that should not be ignored.
Examining Shared Values
It’s important to examine whether you and your partner share similar values on a variety of topics, including:
-
Religion: If religion is important to you, make sure your partner shares your beliefs or is willing to respect them.
-
Politics: Political beliefs can be a significant source of tension between partners. It’s important to discuss these issues and find common ground or agree to disagree respectfully.
-
Life Stage: If you’re both at very different stages in your lives (e.g. one of you is still exploring career options while the other is more settled), it can be difficult to reconcile these differences over time.
-
Career Goals: If you’re both ambitious and driven, make sure your career goals are compatible or can be altered to align with each other.
-
Gender Roles: Be clear about your expectations around gender roles in the relationship, and make sure they align with your partner’s views as well.
-
Loyalty: Are you both committed to being loyal to each other in a committed relationship?
-
Sex: Sexual compatibility is important. Do you both have similar desires and expectations?
-
Parenting: If children are a possibility, it’s important to discuss how you’ll raise them, and what your expectations are for each other as parents.
-
Family: How important is family to you both, and in what ways do you plan to involve them in your lives?
-
Finances: Money issues are one of the biggest sources of tension in relationships. Understand each others financial goals and attitudes towards money.
Evaluating Effort and Willingness to Work on the Relationship
Sustaining a healthy relationship takes effort from both parties. Evaluate whether your partner is willing to:
-
Communicate: If your partner is willing to have open and honest communication, it’s a good sign that they are committed to making the relationship work.
-
Respect: Your partner is willing to respect your boundaries and beliefs.
-
Support: If your partner supports you in your goals and endeavors, this shows that they care about your future.
-
Time: Your partner is willing to make time for you and prioritize you.
-
Vulnerability: Your partner is willing to be vulnerable and authentic with you.
-
Fun: Your partner is willing to have fun and enjoy your time together.
-
Personal Growth: Your partner is willing to grow and learn with you.
Considering Gut Feelings
Finally, don’t ignore your intuition. If something about your partner makes you uncomfortable or uneasy, it’s worth taking a closer look at the relationship.
Trust your gut, and have open and honest conversations with your partner to try to resolve any concerns. In conclusion, evaluating your relationship is an ongoing process that can help you make important decisions about your future.
By identifying red flags, examining shared values, evaluating effort and willingness to work on the relationship, and considering gut feelings, you can gain a better understanding of whether this person is truly the right match for you in the long run. Continuing on from our previous discussion on how to evaluate your relationship, let’s dive deeper into examining shared values and evaluating effort and willingness to work on the relationship.
Examining Shared Values
It’s important to understand why examining shared values is important. Shared values are the foundation of any solid relationship.
Misalignment of values can lead to constant disagreements, tension, and ultimately cause the relationship to fail. Here are key values that you should examine:
-
Religion: Are you both followers of the same religion? Do your belief systems clash? It is essential to establish whether your values bind you together or break you apart, especially when religion is an important aspect of your life.
-
Politics: Politics can be a sensitive topic, however, it’s important to understand your partner’s core beliefs and where they stand on certain issues. Try to locate common ground between the two of you and respect each other’s differences.
-
Life Stage: Discuss goals and aims for the future and understand whether you two share the same desire for the future. Make sure you are on the same page regarding career goals, family planning, and other important life milestones.
-
Career Goals: It’s important for you and your partner to support each other’s career ambitions. Encourage each other’s goals and inspire new ways of thinking that can help one another grow.
-
Gender Roles: Discuss how you envision each other within in the relationship and also within society. Are there any preconceived notions about traditional gender roles that you may need to break away from or do both of you concur about gender roles?
-
Loyalty: Define what loyalty means to you both. Establish whether both of you are looking for a committed and monogamous relationship. Also, discuss your views on sex, intimacy, and any other important aspect of a committed relationship.
-
Parenting: Parenting is a complex job with many different styles and opinions. Discuss how you would raise your children and what your non-negotiables are. Determine what is important to the two of you and how each of you appreciates different styles of parenting.
-
Family: Discuss how involved you both want your families to be in your lives and future goals. Try to locate common ground in situations where you may have different beliefs.
-
Finances: Financial issues are a huge source of contention in relationships. Talk openly and honestly about income, saving, budgets, debt, joint accounts, and individual spending accounts. Establish guidelines and boundaries so that each of you is clear about financial expectations.
Evaluating Effort and Willingness to Work on the Relationship
A healthy relationship requires effort from both parties. When evaluating your relationship, examine whether your partner is willing to put in the time and effort to help the relationship thrive. These are key factors to consider.
-
Communication: Open and honest communication is crucial in any relationship. Talk openly and frequently about any issues that arise, and focus on solving problems together as a team.
-
Respect: It’s essential to treat each other as equals in a healthy, happy relationship. Respect your partner’s opinions and embrace their individuality. Do not put them down or make them feel like they’re below you.
-
Support: Encourage your partner in their endeavors. Stand by each other during difficult times and celebrate each other’s accomplishments.
-
Time: Make time for one another in your busy schedules. Setting aside quality time to connect will strengthen the bond between you.
-
Vulnerability: Emotional safety and openness are crucial for fostering intimacy and trust in a relationship. Be fully open and truthful with your partner, without holding back any feelings or emotions.
-
Fun: Spend time doing things you both enjoy and have fun together. It’s important to laugh and enjoy each other’s company.
-
Personal Growth: Acknowledge and work on personal issues and be open to growing as an individual. This encourages personal growth and can help build a stronger relationship.
In conclusion, evaluating shared values and effort should be a priority when examining a relationship. It’s important to understand your partner’s beliefs and goals in order to move forward as a united front. Furthermore, a willingness to put in the time and effort to maintain a strong relationship is crucial. By incorporating these key factors, a stable, satisfying, and long-lasting relationship can be achieved.
Trusting Your Gut Instincts
Trusting your gut instincts is essential in any relationship. While it’s important to communicate openly and evaluate shared values, sometimes our subconscious processing can pick up patterns or red flags that we aren’t consciously aware of yet.
Intuition is the subconscious processing of information that helps us make decisions and navigate situations. It’s a powerful tool that we all have, but sometimes overlook in favor of logic and reasoning.
Our gut feelings are often a mix of intuition, emotions, and feelings that can help guide us in relationships. Here are some factors to consider when it comes to trusting your gut in a relationship.
Understanding Your Emotions
Emotions are an incredibly strong guide for our decisions and have an internal compass for what feels right or wrong. It’s important to understand our emotions and how we react to situations in order to trust our gut instincts. When we ignore our feelings, we are ignoring a natural guide that has been honed over thousands of years by our ancestors. Sometimes, we may have a negative feeling towards someone, and we don’t know why. Trust the initial feelings you have, and keep an eye out for warning signs that may validate them.
Respecting Your Boundaries
Listen to your emotions and set boundaries. If something makes you feel uncomfortable or crosses a line, speak up and respect your own boundaries. Your gut instincts are in effect warning signals that can help protect you from potentially harmful situations. Pay attention to your emotions, and evaluate the situation from an outsider’s perspective. This can help you realize if you are in danger or if someone is crossing your boundaries.
Assessing Your Helicopter View
Sometimes, it takes a moment of distance and perspective to recognize that something isn’t right. Assessing your relationship from a helicopter view can help you take a step back and consider it from a broader perspective. This involves looking at the relationship as a third-party observer – what problems do you see between you and your partner?
Evaluating Friend’s Opinions
Although it’s important to trust your own instincts, it’s also vital to make space for the opinions of trusted friends and family. They know you well and will have a unique point of view on your relationship. They may see things you don’t, so listen to their opinions.
Trusting Your Gut Feeling is OK
Sometimes, we ignore our gut instincts because we want the relationship to work. We make excuses and ignore the warning signs because we want to believe that things will get better. It’s important to trust your instincts, even if it feels like it might lead to heartbreak. But, be careful not to make rash decisions. Give yourself time to evaluate the situation, and heed your feelings when it comes to making big decisions.
In conclusion, learning to trust your instincts in a relationship is crucial. Pay attention to your emotions, respect your boundaries, and evaluate the relationship from a broader perspective. Understanding your gut instincts is the first step towards trusting it. It will help you pick up on red flags, protect your boundaries, and know what you really want in a relationship.
In conclusion, evaluating a relationship is a multidimensional process that requires time, effort, and self-reflection. Identifying red flags, examining shared values, evaluating effort and willingness, and considering gut feelings are key factors that play a crucial part in determining if a relationship will survive. The importance of these factors lies in their ability to help determine if two people are compatible and willing to work together to build a strong, lasting relationship.
By understanding and employing these crucial components of a healthy relationship, couples can open up the possibility of a fulfilling and happy life together.
