The Mating Grounds

Why Being More Chode-Like Can Lead to Healthier Relationships

Why We Should All Be More Chode-Like: A Guide to Healthier Relationships

Hey, you! Yeah, you! Are you tired of feeling like you have to compete with other men to win a woman’s heart? Are you sick of playing games, using pickup lines, and pretending to be someone you’re not just to get a date?

Do you long for a more authentic, natural, and fulfilling approach to love and relationships? If so, then you might want to consider becoming more chode-like.

What is a Chode? First of all, let’s define our terms.

According to urban dictionary, a chode is “a dick that is wider than it is long.” Alright, that’s not the definition we’re going for here. Sorry for the confusion.

In the world of pickup artistry (PUA), a chode is someone with weak game, who lacks confidence, social skills, and charisma. PUAs use the term chode as an insult, like calling someone a loser or a beta male.

However, we’re not here to perpetuate toxic masculinity or put down anyone who struggles with dating or relationships. Instead, we want to reclaim the term chode and give it a new, positive meaning.

For us, a chode is someone who values natural compatibility, mutual respect, honest communication, and healthy boundaries in their relationships. Let’s explore what this means in practice.

The Benefits of Being More Chode-Like

Chodes focus on natural compatibility with women

Instead of trying to impress every woman you meet or chasing after the latest hot trend in dating, focus on finding someone who shares your interests, values, and worldview. Look for common ground, genuine connection, and mutual attraction.

Don’t try to force anything or fake anything. Trust that the right person will come along if you stay true to yourself.

Chodes have hobbies that aren’t solely about picking up women

Instead of spending all your free time at bars, clubs, or online dating apps, pursue hobbies that you genuinely enjoy, whether that’s playing music, painting, hiking, or playing video games. Not only will this make you a more interesting and well-rounded person, but it will also attract women who share your passions and appreciate your authenticity.

Chodes believe they’re deserving of love without having to compete with other men

Instead of feeling like you have to prove yourself or one-up other men to win a woman’s affection, believe that you’re worthy of love and respect simply because you exist. Don’t compare yourself to others or buy into the myth of scarcity.

Trust that there are plenty of amazing women out there who will appreciate you for who you are, not for how much money you make, how many muscles you have, or how smooth you can talk.

Chodes listen to their partners and respect them

Instead of trying to dominate the conversation, interrupt, or belittle your partner’s opinions, listen attentively, ask clarifying questions, and express empathy and support. Treat your partner as an equal and honor their autonomy, boundaries, and feelings.

Don’t try to control, manipulate, or gaslight them. Trust that a healthy relationship is built on trust, communication, and mutual respect.

Chodes disagree with toxic masculinity

Instead of buying into the toxic norms of masculinity that promote aggression, violence, and emotional repression, challenge these norms, and embrace healthier models of manhood that prioritize vulnerability, empathy, and compassion. Recognize that men and women can express their emotions, communicate openly, and support each other without compromising their gender identity.

Chodes respect sex as an intimate, personal act

Instead of objectifying women, reducing them to mere sexual objects, or pressuring them into sex, respect sex as a beautiful and meaningful expression of love, intimacy, and connection between two consenting adults. Communicate openly and honestly about your desires, boundaries, and expectations, and respect your partner’s needs and preferences.

Don’t judge or shame anyone for their sexual choices or preferences.

Chodes acknowledge the trials of love and allow themselves to feel heartbreak

Instead of avoiding heartbreak, rejection, or failure by playing it safe, staying single, or avoiding vulnerability, embrace these challenges as natural and inevitable aspects of the human experience. Allow yourself to feel your emotions, grieve your losses, and learn from your mistakes.

Recognize that growth and transformation come from facing your fears and weaknesses, not from avoiding them.

Chodes think before they act and consider the consequences of their actions

Instead of acting impulsively, recklessly, or selfishly, take a moment to reflect on the potential outcomes of your actions, both for you and for others. Think about the long-term effects of your choices, and make decisions that align with your values and goals.

Don’t let your emotions or ego drive your behavior, but instead, use logic, reason, and empathy to guide your actions. Chodes know that women aren’t just waiting for men to approach them

Instead of assuming that women are passive, elusive, or uninterested in men, recognize that women are complex, diverse, and autonomous individuals who have their own lives, interests, and desires.

Don’t put women on a pedestal, treat them as objects, or assume that they owe you anything just because you’re a man. Instead, approach them with curiosity, respect, and kindness, and let them decide whether they want to engage with you or not.

Chodes believe in the idea of a soulmate

Instead of believing that love is just a game of odds or manipulation, or that you can never find someone who truly understands and complements you, trust in the idea that there is someone out there who is meant to be with you, who shares your soul, and who makes you feel whole. Believe in the power of love, connection, and destiny, and keep your heart open to the possibilities of magic and miracles.


So, there you have it. Being more chode-like doesn’t mean being weak, insecure, or unmanly.

It means being authentic, respectful, and mindful in your relationships, and valuing true compatibility, mutual attraction, and healthy boundaries. It means rejecting toxic masculinity, objectification, and pressure, and embracing vulnerability, empathy, and connection.

It means believing in your worth and deserving of love, while also recognizing the challenges and responsibilities of healthy relationships. Are you ready to embrace your inner chode and become a healthier, happier, and more loving partner?

3) When Does Being a Chode Become Being a ‘Nice Guy’? In recent years, being a “nice guy” has become a heavily criticized and stigmatized term.

But what does it mean to be a “nice guy,” and how is it different from being a chode? A “nice guy” is someone who acts kind and generous towards women with the expectation of receiving sexual attention or relationships in return.

They often use emotional manipulation and guilt to get what they want, and they may become bitter or resentful if their efforts are not reciprocated. They also tend to be judgmental and pull others down based on their own insecurities.

The difference between a chode and a “nice guy” is that chodes value natural compatibility and respect in their relationships, while “nice guys” manipulate, objectify, and pressure women into giving them what they want. Chodes don’t use their kindness as a tool for getting something in return, but rather as a means of expressing their authentic selves and building meaningful connections.

They don’t judge or shame others, but instead approach them with curiosity, empathy, and respect. It’s important to distinguish between chodes and “nice guys,” as the latter can be emotionally harmful and manipulative.

While chodes can sometimes be awkward or inexperienced in dating and relationships, they approach them with authenticity and good intentions. Being a chode is not a bad thing, but being a “nice guy” is.

4) Redefining Chode

Given the negative connotations associated with the term “chode” in the PUA community and the harmful connotations associated with the term “nice guy” in the wider culture, it’s time to redefine what it means to be chode-like in a positive and healthy way. First of all, we need to do away with terms that encourage men to use women as objects for pleasure or as means of validating their masculinity.

We need to recognize that women are complex and diverse individuals who deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, not as mere rewards for being a “good guy.”

Secondly, we need to understand that dating is about finding compatibility and exploring connections on an emotional and physical level. It’s not about gaming the system, manipulating others, or playing power games.

It’s about building trust, respect, and intimacy with someone who shares your values, goals, and interests. Thirdly, we need to recognize that chodes are normal, well-intentioned, and well-developed men who value authenticity, respect, and mutual attraction in their relationships.

They are not losers, betas, or social outcasts, but rather individuals who prioritize emotional intelligence, communication, and connection over superficial charm or manipulation. To be chode-like, then, is to prioritize natural compatibility, respect, and authenticity in your relationships.

It’s about listening to your partner, communicating honestly, and treating them as an equal. It’s about pursuing your interests and passions, developing your emotional intelligence and social skills, and trusting in the power of love, connection, and destiny.

It’s about rejecting toxic masculinity, objectification, and pressure, and embracing vulnerability, empathy, and compassion. Above all, it’s about being a healthy, authentic, and respectful partner who values and cherishes their relationships.

In conclusion, being chode-like is not about being weak or manipulative, but rather about prioritizing natural compatibility, respect, and authenticity in your relationships. It’s about rejecting harmful social norms, such as toxic masculinity, objectification, and pressure, and embracing healthy ones, such as emotional intelligence, communication, and connection.

By being chode-like, you can form more meaningful, fulfilling, and respectful relationships with others. It’s time to redefine what it means to be a chode and to celebrate those who value authenticity and mutual attraction in their relationships.

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