Why She Doesn’t Cook or Clean (And What You Can Do About It)
It can be frustrating when your partner isn’t pulling their weight when it comes to household chores. Maybe your partner doesn’t cook, won’t clean, or is generally unhelpful in keeping the house tidy.
If you’ve found yourself in this situation, know that you’re not alone. There are a multitude of reasons why someone might not cook or clean, and figuring out why can help you come up with solutions to work through the situation.
1. Lack of Experience
When you’re first starting out as an adult, there’s a steep learning curve when it comes to managing your own household.
Cooking, cleaning, and other household tasks can be overwhelming if you’ve never done them before. It’s possible that your partner simply doesn’t feel confident in their ability to cook or clean, and therefore avoids these tasks altogether.
What you can do:
- Offer to teach your partner how to cook and clean.
- Start with simple recipes and easy cleaning techniques, and work your way up to more complex tasks.
- Make it a fun activity that you can do together. By working as a team, you’ll be able to tackle household chores more easily.
2. Fear of Fire
Some people are simply afraid of fire or heat.
Perhaps they’ve had a bad experience in the past, or they have a fear of something going wrong. This fear can manifest itself as an unwillingness to cook or use appliances that generate heat.
What you can do:
- Talk to your partner about their fears and try to come up with a plan that makes them feel safe and comfortable.
- For example, you might agree to supervise while they cook, or you might invest in some additional safety measures (like a fire extinguisher) to ease their concerns.
3. Not Good with Handling Dirt
Some people are just not good at dealing with dirt and messes.
They might find cleaning to be icky or gross, or they might have allergies that make it difficult to be around dust or cleaning products.
What you can do:
- Consider dividing up the household chores in a way that takes your partner’s preferences and strengths into account.
- If they’re not good with cleaning, then perhaps you can take on the periodic cleaning tasks while they handle other things like taking out the garbage or doing laundry.
- You could also consider hiring a cleaning service to help take care of the messier tasks.
4. Prefers Your Cooking
It’s possible that your partner just really enjoys your cooking and prefers to let you handle all of the meal prep.
This can happen if you’re a particularly good cook, or if your partner simply enjoys the taste of your food.
What you can do:
- Instead of taking on all the cooking responsibilities yourself, try coming up with some easy recipes that your partner can handle on their own.
- Make it a team effort by picking out ingredients together and working through the recipe side-by-side.
5. Mad at You
If you’ve been making mean comments or being unfair in your division of chores, your partner may be avoiding cooking and cleaning as a way to get back at you. It’s important to address this issue head-on and work through any underlying resentment.
What you can do:
- Start by apologizing for any hurtful comments or behavior.
- Try to have an open and honest conversation about your feelings and come up with a division of labor that feels fair to both of you.
- Remember that communication, respect, and boundaries are key to getting through any conflict.
6. Super Busy with Work
Sometimes, work pressure can make it difficult to find the time and energy to handle household tasks. If your partner is working long hours or dealing with a particularly demanding workload, they may not be able to help out as much as they would like to.
What you can do:
- Be understanding of your partner’s work pressures, and try to help out in any way that you can.
- If your partner is unable to help with the cooking and cleaning, consider hiring some additional help to take the load off.
- Alternatively, you could work together to come up with a schedule that allows both of you to balance work and household responsibilities.
7. Interested in Doing Other Things
Some people simply aren’t interested in managing a household. They might have other responsibilities (like caring for children or working on hobbies) that take up their time and energy, leaving little room for cooking and cleaning.
What you can do:
- Respect your partner’s interests and priorities.
- Instead of expecting them to handle all of the household chores, consider dividing up the responsibilities in a way that takes everyone’s interests and strengths into account.
- Try working together to come up with a system that feels fair and manageable for everyone.
8. Lazy
Finally, it’s possible that your partner is simply being lazy and doesn’t feel like putting in the effort to cook and clean. This can be frustrating, but there are ways to work through it.
What you can do:
- Consider using tough love to motivate your partner to help out. Refuse to do all the work until they start pitching in.
- Alternatively, you could try working together to come up with consequences for not doing household chores (like not being able to order take-out that night).
- Remember that personal growth and responsibility are important parts of any relationship.
In summary, there are many reasons why your partner may not be cooking or cleaning, and understanding why can help you come up with solutions that work for everyone. Whether it’s a lack of experience, fear of fire, or simply being too busy with work, there are strategies you can use to address the situation and create a more harmonious household.
By working together and respecting each other’s strengths and weaknesses, you can build a stronger, happier relationship. In conclusion, understanding why your partner doesn’t cook or clean is an important step towards finding a solution that works for everyone.
Whether it’s a lack of experience, fear, or busy schedules, there are ways to work through these issues and create a more harmonious household. By being respectful, communicative, and willing to compromise, you can create a stronger, happier relationship with your partner.
Remember that every relationship is different, and what works for one couple may not work for another. The key is to find what works best for you and your partner, and to work together towards a shared goal of building a happier, healthier home.
